(no subject)
So, yes.
I know I updated today..here I go again.
Last night was spent drinking wine with the girls. Em passed out on the couch and everyone else left by 3 in the morning [long story]. I sat in the middle of my bed, drunk and alone. The loneliness I felt in the pit of my stomach .. oh, it was the worst kind.
..All I wanted was someone around, someone who understood. Just someone who..understood. And no one did, because I was alone.
I sat in my car and listened to music. I thought about sleeping there. Just crawling in the back seat and falling sleeping, with the music on and the doors locked. I thought about it for a good, long while. I felt better there, in my car. Not so lost. I was in my bubble with my music.. musician's voices that understood or seemed to understand or helped me understand.
..it was awful.
This feeling from last night has somewhat continued on through today. I went to the beach for the first time this year. I sprawled out on a bed sheet and sat under the sun for 3 long hours. I read cheap gossip magazines and laughed a little and smiled some, too. Hey, at least I tried.
Now I'm home..it's heavy on into the night and I smell like sunscreen and beach. Britnee and I are going to watch a scary movie in our pajamas with pizza and I'm sure that will lift my spirits, at least a bit.
I know this feeling is temporary, it always is. I've had no coffee today..I wonder if that has helped influenced this in anyway.
Maybe I need to take a late night trip to Waffle House.
I know I updated today..here I go again.
Last night was spent drinking wine with the girls. Em passed out on the couch and everyone else left by 3 in the morning [long story]. I sat in the middle of my bed, drunk and alone. The loneliness I felt in the pit of my stomach .. oh, it was the worst kind.
..All I wanted was someone around, someone who understood. Just someone who..understood. And no one did, because I was alone.
I sat in my car and listened to music. I thought about sleeping there. Just crawling in the back seat and falling sleeping, with the music on and the doors locked. I thought about it for a good, long while. I felt better there, in my car. Not so lost. I was in my bubble with my music.. musician's voices that understood or seemed to understand or helped me understand.
..it was awful.
This feeling from last night has somewhat continued on through today. I went to the beach for the first time this year. I sprawled out on a bed sheet and sat under the sun for 3 long hours. I read cheap gossip magazines and laughed a little and smiled some, too. Hey, at least I tried.
Now I'm home..it's heavy on into the night and I smell like sunscreen and beach. Britnee and I are going to watch a scary movie in our pajamas with pizza and I'm sure that will lift my spirits, at least a bit.
I know this feeling is temporary, it always is. I've had no coffee today..I wonder if that has helped influenced this in anyway.
Maybe I need to take a late night trip to Waffle House.