A confession, an outpouring.
Right now, here in England it's 1.30am and in 12 hours time a church near where I live will be filling up with both familiar faces and complete strangers. And why, well it's the union of two people. My sister and her fianc￩e. More than that its the joining of two families.
My sister is getting married at 2pm Saturday 18th August 2007 to a wonderful person. I can only find one fault and that is he supports Tottenham Hotspurs (For the lost and confused, its a British soccer/football club). This is only a running joke in the family and not a serious bone of contention.
It has only really hit home this very minute that my sister will be getting married despite all the hard work over the past 8 months. I'm sitting here and wham, it washes over me. I'm sitting here shaking, crying. Oh not tears of sadness at least I don't think so and I hope to God that they aren't. You can pick any of the positive emotions but none of the negative emotions. I'm so proud of my little sister. Though if I'm honest I forced her grow up too fast.
I don't really deserve my sister. I treated her rough as her older brother and I'm not talking the usual rough and tumble that most siblings have. I tried to kill her twice, seriously. I had, have, an anger control problem as a kid and most nights went by with me screaming the house down. I terrorised my family to Nth degree. My sister suffered greatly. Had her sleep disrupted, was shunted from pillar to post as relatives took her in whilst my parents dealt with the hellstorm that I was. I'm surprised I wasn't sent up for adoption or even throttled as a child, I wouldn't of blamed them. My sister took the brunt of it. Twice at a swimming I tried to drown my sister at a swimming pool in one of my infamous outburst and it was only the quick think of a lifeguard that means she can be here to this day. She was forced to grow up and become self reliant long before she should of because my parents were always trying to help me. Even when I moved away to a boarding school which was meant to help me improve my control over my problem I was still a thorn in her side with midnight phone calls home screaming for my parents to come get me and 3am one hour drives to my school to pacify my screaming requests.
Don't get me wrong I loved my sister. I didn't hate her or resent her. She was just collateral damage. I didn't notice the devastation in my wake. I was a selfish child and I won't use my mental problems as an argument of defence.
Like I said, I don't deserve my sister. I wouldn't of blamed her if she had brushed me to one side as soon as she gained her independence but she didn't. When I told her about my cross-dressing she stood by me. When I lost my jobs over the years she has supported me. When my ex broke up with me she was there and she was there when our great aunt passed away. She has stood by me through thick and thin. And If I'm honest I don't really think I deserve her. Looking back I've done nothing but take from her, including her childhood.
Here is to my sister, the greatest woman I know after my mother. I wish her all future happiness and for once in my life I publicly declare my support for her.
There it's taken me an hour to type his and I'm clicking go before I change my mind. Loathe me or like me for these words but I needed to get it of my chest.
My sister is getting married at 2pm Saturday 18th August 2007 to a wonderful person. I can only find one fault and that is he supports Tottenham Hotspurs (For the lost and confused, its a British soccer/football club). This is only a running joke in the family and not a serious bone of contention.
It has only really hit home this very minute that my sister will be getting married despite all the hard work over the past 8 months. I'm sitting here and wham, it washes over me. I'm sitting here shaking, crying. Oh not tears of sadness at least I don't think so and I hope to God that they aren't. You can pick any of the positive emotions but none of the negative emotions. I'm so proud of my little sister. Though if I'm honest I forced her grow up too fast.
I don't really deserve my sister. I treated her rough as her older brother and I'm not talking the usual rough and tumble that most siblings have. I tried to kill her twice, seriously. I had, have, an anger control problem as a kid and most nights went by with me screaming the house down. I terrorised my family to Nth degree. My sister suffered greatly. Had her sleep disrupted, was shunted from pillar to post as relatives took her in whilst my parents dealt with the hellstorm that I was. I'm surprised I wasn't sent up for adoption or even throttled as a child, I wouldn't of blamed them. My sister took the brunt of it. Twice at a swimming I tried to drown my sister at a swimming pool in one of my infamous outburst and it was only the quick think of a lifeguard that means she can be here to this day. She was forced to grow up and become self reliant long before she should of because my parents were always trying to help me. Even when I moved away to a boarding school which was meant to help me improve my control over my problem I was still a thorn in her side with midnight phone calls home screaming for my parents to come get me and 3am one hour drives to my school to pacify my screaming requests.
Don't get me wrong I loved my sister. I didn't hate her or resent her. She was just collateral damage. I didn't notice the devastation in my wake. I was a selfish child and I won't use my mental problems as an argument of defence.
Like I said, I don't deserve my sister. I wouldn't of blamed her if she had brushed me to one side as soon as she gained her independence but she didn't. When I told her about my cross-dressing she stood by me. When I lost my jobs over the years she has supported me. When my ex broke up with me she was there and she was there when our great aunt passed away. She has stood by me through thick and thin. And If I'm honest I don't really think I deserve her. Looking back I've done nothing but take from her, including her childhood.
Here is to my sister, the greatest woman I know after my mother. I wish her all future happiness and for once in my life I publicly declare my support for her.
There it's taken me an hour to type his and I'm clicking go before I change my mind. Loathe me or like me for these words but I needed to get it of my chest.