2012: my year of writing and looking ahead
It was the best of writing, it was the worst of writing...my writing in 2012 lived in a difficult place. On one hand, I completed more stories than I have in the previous couple of years, and I believe these stories to contain my best writing. On the other hand, the births of these stories were slow, laborious and I often found myself wondering if I'd lost the spark. And I'm left with stories that are, in the end, not probably worth being published. I wouldn't even know where to submit them.
But I ended the year on a high note. I wrapped up a story that I've been fighting through all fall (five false starts/discarded drafts, a new record for me, and some of it was good writing too) and promptly started another one. And this new one began to flow like a waterfall of fine beer instead of a slow drip of thick molasses. A hopeful omen? The one thing I'm trying to do with new story is simply have fun writing again, delight in my own creativity. Ok, there's a second thing too--I'm not taking this one too seriously. Just let the words fall out and go from there. I feel like too much of my recent work is turgid. As if I'm afraid to just let the pieces fall. I get attached to an emotion I want to convey and become obsessed on doing that instead of letting the tale go where it needs to. This year I will do better. Off to a good start, but one day does not a year make.
It may sound funny, considering I write anywhere from 3-5 days a week, but I feel undisciplined. And that in turn writing last year too often felt like a chore. I do this because I'm driven to, yes, but I also do it because of the great joy I take in being creative. That second part has fallen to wayside too often these last couple of years. One thing I've been wondering is if the short writing stints--some evenings we are talking less than half an hour--are working against me. Is it better to go several days and not do anything as opposed to eking out a 2-3 paragraphs a night? I'm not sure. Time will always be an issue, as well as timing (during the week I can't write in mornings, my best time and instead have to write in the evenings when I'm often exhausted. Occasionally this is helpful but mostly it's a roadblock between me and my best work.) I'm thinking about my patterns more, and consciously trying to mess with them and see what happens. Instead of always writing in my office, do some of it in other rooms. Do it before fixing dinner, not after. Etc. etc.
So we'll see. I'm cautiously excited--oh screw it, I'm totally excited--by the piece I started yesterday, and even if it ultimately fails it has already let a ray of light into a darkened room. For too much of my 2012 writing I was in my own head too much. Forgetting that a writer must always look outside as well as inside, see the little things in the world around him/her. If I do nothing else this year, I will improve on that. And maybe I'll get a few good stories out of it.
But I ended the year on a high note. I wrapped up a story that I've been fighting through all fall (five false starts/discarded drafts, a new record for me, and some of it was good writing too) and promptly started another one. And this new one began to flow like a waterfall of fine beer instead of a slow drip of thick molasses. A hopeful omen? The one thing I'm trying to do with new story is simply have fun writing again, delight in my own creativity. Ok, there's a second thing too--I'm not taking this one too seriously. Just let the words fall out and go from there. I feel like too much of my recent work is turgid. As if I'm afraid to just let the pieces fall. I get attached to an emotion I want to convey and become obsessed on doing that instead of letting the tale go where it needs to. This year I will do better. Off to a good start, but one day does not a year make.
It may sound funny, considering I write anywhere from 3-5 days a week, but I feel undisciplined. And that in turn writing last year too often felt like a chore. I do this because I'm driven to, yes, but I also do it because of the great joy I take in being creative. That second part has fallen to wayside too often these last couple of years. One thing I've been wondering is if the short writing stints--some evenings we are talking less than half an hour--are working against me. Is it better to go several days and not do anything as opposed to eking out a 2-3 paragraphs a night? I'm not sure. Time will always be an issue, as well as timing (during the week I can't write in mornings, my best time and instead have to write in the evenings when I'm often exhausted. Occasionally this is helpful but mostly it's a roadblock between me and my best work.) I'm thinking about my patterns more, and consciously trying to mess with them and see what happens. Instead of always writing in my office, do some of it in other rooms. Do it before fixing dinner, not after. Etc. etc.
So we'll see. I'm cautiously excited--oh screw it, I'm totally excited--by the piece I started yesterday, and even if it ultimately fails it has already let a ray of light into a darkened room. For too much of my 2012 writing I was in my own head too much. Forgetting that a writer must always look outside as well as inside, see the little things in the world around him/her. If I do nothing else this year, I will improve on that. And maybe I'll get a few good stories out of it.