some pictures and rambling discords
some pictures and stuff <3
I have been doing alot of thinking lately... i dunno if it is the influence of too much sex and the city watching or what but as much as i love my boyfriend, with the new condo of my own on the way and a new car, new job, new outlook on everything... im kinda thinking do i really wanna be in a relationship right now? it seems like now things are just going to be the same... not like the same as in bad but things are going to start falling under routine if i dont watch out.. maybe i want to live the single life... go out with the girls for drinks... meeting new people... just living the single life... doing what i want and only what i want... concentrating on myself... going tanning... getting my nails done... pampering myself for the sole reason of myself... i wanna start turning heads again... it seemed like for a minute there i was the "it" girl... i dont think anyone who would be reading this knew me at this time but i was going out to the bars... meeting people on a regular bases... getting all dolled up and getting female and male attention... just feeling free.... but then again... i do love my boyfriend and i know as soon as i get single i am going to be wanting a bf again... its hard for me to find someone that i can be with consistantly for over a month it seems like... its like my flavor of the month thing is what i have had all my life... date them for a month... get what i want outta them... realize what the hell am i doing? breaking hearts for entertainment? i would hate having to sleep alone once again at night... having to become accustom to someone again so that i can feel comfortable enough to wake up next to them the next day... i would miss josh alot if i did lose him cause we have been through so much in such a short time... things are just starting to get on the right foot for us too... we are both outta the party scene with the tattoo artists that we were doing before (bad influences!!!) done with all the cocaine everyday... random girls coming around.... and guys on my part... the drunken fights... the lies... the secrets... we expeirienced it all in our 6 months together and it seems now we can only move up... maybe i am crazy but if you were with him everyday you would see a big change as well.. maybe all my unsureness is coming from another source though... i keep watching these dumb movies with these corney couples who are so maddly in love... and i know life is not like the movies but they had to get that idea from somewhere right? maybe i want a nice boyfriend... not that josh isnt nice but want the cute things you know? he doesnt do the cute things.. i want pictures... and stuffed animals.. and flowers... even if they are sex pictures... stuffed zombies... and dead flowers! hahah just something <3 maybe i expect something that only happens in the movies but its that damn movie "The Last Kiss" with that Zack Braff from Garden State... it was such a cute movie and the senerios were so real i could actually tell that somethings made josh uncomfortable cause it reminded him of when he cheated on me with ashley... i dont know where i am going with this... sex is great with him but seeming like routine... but i dunno we have had some incredible sex lately... we have gone out on a date.. or two lately... i dunno im crazy what can i say <3
LACEY i wanna come see you in japan!!! tell me what i gotta do...