and so i fall
Seven months and twelve days.
My grandmother has been dead for seven months and twelve days.
I'm not religious. I don't really believe in much. And yet I still think that my grandmother sees me and is disappointed in me every single day of my life.
I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be eight months ago.
I wish my mother would have kept my grandmother's room like it was longer than she actually did. I know that she doesn't really rely on physical things to comfort her or to renew lost memories. But I do. I go into my grandmother's room now and it was like she was never even there. I try to find at least one thing to hold on to. But there's nothing.
My grandma always said that all she wanted was to at least live to see all of her grandchildren graduate. She saw everyone but me. She died three months before she even ever had the chance. Hell, I didn't even go to my own graduation.
Sometimes I don't think it's fair, being the youngest. I feel like I get jipped out on so many things. But, then again, I was the grandchild who actually got to live with my grandmother. And I completely took that for granted. I always thought there was so much time. Well where the fuck did the time go with her. I always knew that I would regret not spending more time with my grandmother. I never really expected it to hurt this much, though.
I am so worthless. And I am such a disappointment. Plain and simple.
My grandmother has been dead for seven months and twelve days.
I'm not religious. I don't really believe in much. And yet I still think that my grandmother sees me and is disappointed in me every single day of my life.
I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be eight months ago.
I wish my mother would have kept my grandmother's room like it was longer than she actually did. I know that she doesn't really rely on physical things to comfort her or to renew lost memories. But I do. I go into my grandmother's room now and it was like she was never even there. I try to find at least one thing to hold on to. But there's nothing.
My grandma always said that all she wanted was to at least live to see all of her grandchildren graduate. She saw everyone but me. She died three months before she even ever had the chance. Hell, I didn't even go to my own graduation.
Sometimes I don't think it's fair, being the youngest. I feel like I get jipped out on so many things. But, then again, I was the grandchild who actually got to live with my grandmother. And I completely took that for granted. I always thought there was so much time. Well where the fuck did the time go with her. I always knew that I would regret not spending more time with my grandmother. I never really expected it to hurt this much, though.
I am so worthless. And I am such a disappointment. Plain and simple.