posting before i go to class~
hi, it's spring break and i feel like i'm slowly dying right now
i was talking to sparkle_07 on twitter and this happened. DON'T ASK ME WHAT THIS IS. please lower your standards so you aren't too disappointed. I EXPECT A FABULOUS NAKED PICSPAM ♥
FIC: The Tragedy of Ohmeo and Yuuriet OR: girl!chinen x ohno, other things, idek sparkle_07 this is all your fault
824 words, hsj (+yuma)/arashi/kame
One morning, having woken from a particularly stimulating dream about his one and only, Chinen comes to the sudden realization that Ohno is !! NOT GAY (except for Nino) !! and decides to become a girl so Oh-chan will love him. This doesn't go over well with the jimusho, but that's okay because they don't find out until Yuma pulls down Chinen's underwear, along with his pants, "on accident", and discovers that Chinen is missing the all important male reproductive organ. Of course, Chinen tells Yuma he will fucking cut him if he tells anybody, and Yuma understands better than Chinen the value of a penis, so he keeps his mouth shut. Then the jimusho decides to get everyone naked for a photoshoot. Naturally they don't require Chinen to take off his pants, but everything else has to go. Yuma looks everywhere but Chinen. Yamada frowns when he notices that something is strange.
"Chinen," he says, "Why have you grown breasts."
Chinen just smiles.
**
The photoshoot is changed to include shirts. Hey!say!JUMP and their staff swear never to let information regarding Chinen's sex change leak out to the public. Yuma feels increasingly awkward whenever he is within ten feet of Chinen, and Yabu feels personal responsibility for the whole situation.
"I just," he wibbles, drunk, to Kame one night, "It's my responsibility as leader to be aware of everybody's troubles, right? How could I not notice? How could I let Chinen suffer all by himself?? I don't deserve to be leader."
Kame rubs his back sympathetically. "At least they eat their broccolli." he says, "And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a woman."
"Are you speaking from personal experience?" Yabu sniffs.
"Did you ever ask him why he got that sex change?" Kame asks, skillfully avoiding Yabu's question.
**
So Yabu corners Chinen the next day and asks him why he got a sex change.
"I'm going to seduce Ohno-kun." Chinen chirps. "Being around Ninomiya-senpai all day isn't good for him. Ohno-kun likes women. It's good to maintain a healthy relationship with women."
"What." says Yabu. "I don't understand."
Overhead, BoA sings I I I I did it did it did it for looveeee~
**
The next time Arashi guests on Shounen Club, Chinen plans a visit to Ohno's dressing room. He arrives in a lacey pink dress with pink ribbons braided into his hair. Ohno doesn't notice because one) he is Ohno, and two) as if there was a difference.
**
"WHY" Chinen shrieks to Yabu over a glass of soda because he is too young to consume alcohol, "WHY DOES HE PAY MORE ATTENTION TO NINOMIYA THAN ME. OHMIYA IS SO TEN YEARS AGO, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE OHNO/CHINEN NOW."
"I understand your aggravation--" Yabu starts,
"NO YOU DON'T," Chinen screams, "I EVEN GOT A SEX CHANGE FOR HIM. HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN A SEX CHANGE? DO YOU HAVE 10,473 PICTURES OF HIM SAVED ON YOUR LAPTOP? DID YOU MEMORIZE THE WORDS TO EVERY ARASHI SONG EVER? AM I UNATTRACTIVE? I AM PRECIOUS. IT SHOULDN'T BE POSSIBLE NOT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME. WHAT DOES NINO HAVE THAT I DON'T!!!"
"Well--" Yabu tries,
"I GOT A SEX CHANGE FOR HIM! A SEX CHANGE!! WOULD NINO DO THAT FOR HIM? CLEARLY I AM THE MORE DEVOTED OUT OF THE TWO OF US."
"Well Ninomiya-kun doesn't really need a sex change to win Ohno-kun's affection." Yabu points out.
"BESIDES NINO KEEPS CHEATING ON OHNO-KUN WITH OTHER MEN." Chinen continues, ignoring Yabu. "I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. I'M PERFECT FOR HIM. WE'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!!!"
"I think," says Yabu, "that you should go back to being a guy."
Chinen looks at him as if he were a crazy chicken.
"No," Yabu quickly explains, "Because, well, you want Ohno-kun to love you, don't you? But what's the point of changing yourself for him? He wouldn't love you for you then, isn't that right? If you two were truly meant to be then he'd fall in love with you regardless of your gender."
"Besides," he adds, "We can't keep this a secret forever. Do you know how many hoards of screaming fangirls we'd lose if they knew you were secretly a female? Johnny-san would kill us all. And I like you better as a guy, we all do. It's kind of awkward sharing the same dressing room when you have girl parts, you know?"
**
Chinen returns to being questionably male, and Hey!say!JUMP (and Yuma) can let out a collective sigh of relief.
"I hate you all." Chinen says.
Meanwhile, Nino is playing his new otome game with his head in Ohno's lap. He snickers quietly when he clears the level. Ohno looks down at what he's laughing at. Nino's DS screen reads: NINOMIYA - 1. CHINEN - 0. Ohno's not really sure what that means but he decides that it has nothing to do with him and that he'd rather be fishing, anyway.
-- the end --
idk. now i have to eat dinner and go to class but i think i might die on the way.
I NEED HELP TITLING THIS THING. D:
edit: title.. added D:
i was talking to sparkle_07 on twitter and this happened. DON'T ASK ME WHAT THIS IS. please lower your standards so you aren't too disappointed. I EXPECT A FABULOUS NAKED PICSPAM ♥
FIC: The Tragedy of Ohmeo and Yuuriet OR: girl!chinen x ohno, other things, idek sparkle_07 this is all your fault
824 words, hsj (+yuma)/arashi/kame
One morning, having woken from a particularly stimulating dream about his one and only, Chinen comes to the sudden realization that Ohno is !! NOT GAY (except for Nino) !! and decides to become a girl so Oh-chan will love him. This doesn't go over well with the jimusho, but that's okay because they don't find out until Yuma pulls down Chinen's underwear, along with his pants, "on accident", and discovers that Chinen is missing the all important male reproductive organ. Of course, Chinen tells Yuma he will fucking cut him if he tells anybody, and Yuma understands better than Chinen the value of a penis, so he keeps his mouth shut. Then the jimusho decides to get everyone naked for a photoshoot. Naturally they don't require Chinen to take off his pants, but everything else has to go. Yuma looks everywhere but Chinen. Yamada frowns when he notices that something is strange.
"Chinen," he says, "Why have you grown breasts."
Chinen just smiles.
**
The photoshoot is changed to include shirts. Hey!say!JUMP and their staff swear never to let information regarding Chinen's sex change leak out to the public. Yuma feels increasingly awkward whenever he is within ten feet of Chinen, and Yabu feels personal responsibility for the whole situation.
"I just," he wibbles, drunk, to Kame one night, "It's my responsibility as leader to be aware of everybody's troubles, right? How could I not notice? How could I let Chinen suffer all by himself?? I don't deserve to be leader."
Kame rubs his back sympathetically. "At least they eat their broccolli." he says, "And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a woman."
"Are you speaking from personal experience?" Yabu sniffs.
"Did you ever ask him why he got that sex change?" Kame asks, skillfully avoiding Yabu's question.
**
So Yabu corners Chinen the next day and asks him why he got a sex change.
"I'm going to seduce Ohno-kun." Chinen chirps. "Being around Ninomiya-senpai all day isn't good for him. Ohno-kun likes women. It's good to maintain a healthy relationship with women."
"What." says Yabu. "I don't understand."
Overhead, BoA sings I I I I did it did it did it for looveeee~
**
The next time Arashi guests on Shounen Club, Chinen plans a visit to Ohno's dressing room. He arrives in a lacey pink dress with pink ribbons braided into his hair. Ohno doesn't notice because one) he is Ohno, and two) as if there was a difference.
**
"WHY" Chinen shrieks to Yabu over a glass of soda because he is too young to consume alcohol, "WHY DOES HE PAY MORE ATTENTION TO NINOMIYA THAN ME. OHMIYA IS SO TEN YEARS AGO, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE OHNO/CHINEN NOW."
"I understand your aggravation--" Yabu starts,
"NO YOU DON'T," Chinen screams, "I EVEN GOT A SEX CHANGE FOR HIM. HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN A SEX CHANGE? DO YOU HAVE 10,473 PICTURES OF HIM SAVED ON YOUR LAPTOP? DID YOU MEMORIZE THE WORDS TO EVERY ARASHI SONG EVER? AM I UNATTRACTIVE? I AM PRECIOUS. IT SHOULDN'T BE POSSIBLE NOT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME. WHAT DOES NINO HAVE THAT I DON'T!!!"
"Well--" Yabu tries,
"I GOT A SEX CHANGE FOR HIM! A SEX CHANGE!! WOULD NINO DO THAT FOR HIM? CLEARLY I AM THE MORE DEVOTED OUT OF THE TWO OF US."
"Well Ninomiya-kun doesn't really need a sex change to win Ohno-kun's affection." Yabu points out.
"BESIDES NINO KEEPS CHEATING ON OHNO-KUN WITH OTHER MEN." Chinen continues, ignoring Yabu. "I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. I'M PERFECT FOR HIM. WE'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!!!"
"I think," says Yabu, "that you should go back to being a guy."
Chinen looks at him as if he were a crazy chicken.
"No," Yabu quickly explains, "Because, well, you want Ohno-kun to love you, don't you? But what's the point of changing yourself for him? He wouldn't love you for you then, isn't that right? If you two were truly meant to be then he'd fall in love with you regardless of your gender."
"Besides," he adds, "We can't keep this a secret forever. Do you know how many hoards of screaming fangirls we'd lose if they knew you were secretly a female? Johnny-san would kill us all. And I like you better as a guy, we all do. It's kind of awkward sharing the same dressing room when you have girl parts, you know?"
**
Chinen returns to being questionably male, and Hey!say!JUMP (and Yuma) can let out a collective sigh of relief.
"I hate you all." Chinen says.
Meanwhile, Nino is playing his new otome game with his head in Ohno's lap. He snickers quietly when he clears the level. Ohno looks down at what he's laughing at. Nino's DS screen reads: NINOMIYA - 1. CHINEN - 0. Ohno's not really sure what that means but he decides that it has nothing to do with him and that he'd rather be fishing, anyway.
-- the end --
idk. now i have to eat dinner and go to class but i think i might die on the way.
I NEED HELP TITLING THIS THING. D:
edit: title.. added D: