(no subject)
I remember this one day, sometime earlier this year (May/June?), I went for this crazy, nutso walk around my parents neighborhood. At first, I was just going to walk to Borough Hall to catch the train home, but it was a nice, balmy evening, so I decided to keep walking down Court Street...when/where I was planning to hit a train is beyond me, but I know that when my "need to walk" mood strikes me, I need to walk everything out until I'm exhausted/uninterested in walking, otherwise I'm not quite as content as I could be.
So I walked down Court Street and made a detour onto Smith Street, mostly because it looked kind of neat from a block away, partly because I could catch the F back to the city from there. I reached a subway station and saw that it was closed due to it being a weekend, and shuttle buses were running in its place. So I kept walking. By this point, the sun was on it's way to setting, and I distinctly remember walking down this busy street, a breezy Saturday evening at the beginning of summer, the sidewalk was noisy but calm, vibating with people, the restaurants were full of families and groups of friends, and I felt so alone in the middle of it all. I remember feeling that all I wanted was to be one of those people having a good time, and feeling this dread and fear that I just couldn't be one of those people. And I swore that one day, I would fucking march my ass to Smith Street during the summer and go to a restaurant there, and have a good time. And you know? I think I just might.
I'm REALLY glad that I'm past that "my life as I know it is over at 23" phase of my life.
So I walked down Court Street and made a detour onto Smith Street, mostly because it looked kind of neat from a block away, partly because I could catch the F back to the city from there. I reached a subway station and saw that it was closed due to it being a weekend, and shuttle buses were running in its place. So I kept walking. By this point, the sun was on it's way to setting, and I distinctly remember walking down this busy street, a breezy Saturday evening at the beginning of summer, the sidewalk was noisy but calm, vibating with people, the restaurants were full of families and groups of friends, and I felt so alone in the middle of it all. I remember feeling that all I wanted was to be one of those people having a good time, and feeling this dread and fear that I just couldn't be one of those people. And I swore that one day, I would fucking march my ass to Smith Street during the summer and go to a restaurant there, and have a good time. And you know? I think I just might.
I'm REALLY glad that I'm past that "my life as I know it is over at 23" phase of my life.