you don't know what you want
So it appears as though it doesn't even matter, and you don't even bother. But that's okay, neither do I. All of this is kind of tumbling, and you don't even realize it. I realize it, but I don't know why it's happening. I'm just sitting here dumbly, waiting patiently for you to come to my rescue, but all in all it seems kind of silly because it's not like I'm ever happy for long anyway.
I guess in a lot of ways you are a drug of mine. I'm virtually always low and upset when I'm not around you, and then you somehow manage to persuade me back into feeling alright for a while until it's time to say goodbye again. The exception, however, is that there are plenty of times when I feel like shit even with you around.
Something inside was using this night as a determination of whether any of this was worth it for me. I wanted to see if you would respond to knowing that there is infact a hole in me that is twisting and knotting itself deeper and deeper into my mind. There is a necessity of life that has gone astray, and wandered clear out of my grasp. I'm still working on finding out what it is, but God help me, it'll dawn on me at some point.
I still feel so guilty and inaccurate writing all of this, but I guess since I'm not really blocking out anything that I might consider too personal to post, it must all be true. True, or I think it's true. I don't know if there's a difference or not, but I kind of hope there is.
What now, then? Am I going to have to keep throwing out these lame-asse tests at you to see if you actually take a hint, or perhaps even ask me what it's all about? Gah, I don't know. I'm starting to feel like a bitch.
I guess in a lot of ways you are a drug of mine. I'm virtually always low and upset when I'm not around you, and then you somehow manage to persuade me back into feeling alright for a while until it's time to say goodbye again. The exception, however, is that there are plenty of times when I feel like shit even with you around.
Something inside was using this night as a determination of whether any of this was worth it for me. I wanted to see if you would respond to knowing that there is infact a hole in me that is twisting and knotting itself deeper and deeper into my mind. There is a necessity of life that has gone astray, and wandered clear out of my grasp. I'm still working on finding out what it is, but God help me, it'll dawn on me at some point.
I still feel so guilty and inaccurate writing all of this, but I guess since I'm not really blocking out anything that I might consider too personal to post, it must all be true. True, or I think it's true. I don't know if there's a difference or not, but I kind of hope there is.
What now, then? Am I going to have to keep throwing out these lame-asse tests at you to see if you actually take a hint, or perhaps even ask me what it's all about? Gah, I don't know. I'm starting to feel like a bitch.