(no subject)
I know that I haven't been posting on here much. I don't mean to isolate myself from all of you but things seem to be rapidly changing in my life and I feel like it's personal and private. It's ironic really when I was at the lowest point in my life I would post anything on these pages. I would tell you all everything and not give a damn about those who judged me. Now though life is taking a turn for the better. I'm happier, I'm more content and I'm keeping all my thoughts to myself. It seems the more fulfilled you are by life the more people want to bring you down. To tell you that you are doing things wrong or that you should be ashamed of the things you say or do. I'm not ashamed but I also don't feel that I deserve to be judged by anyone who has nothing better to do than comment on my life.
If you don't like my life then that's fine, don't be interested in it. Simple as. If you don't like the way I'm going then walk away which a few people have already done. I don't mind and I certainly won't hold a grudge against you. I didn't come into this life to make friends. That has been obvious since I was 5 years old. I don't make friends. Occassionally people take pity on me and think they should speak to me. I promise you, you don't.
I've been a loner since I can remember. I think that when I was really young it was a little difficult to deal with. I'd steam up the windoms and write I'm lonely in the condensation. I was just homesick. Looking to go back to the amazing world that I knew I had come from. I've never had anymore than 1 friend at a time. I've had lots of people who have considered themselves my friends and I'm grateful for that but I never actually let anyone in. It's not my purpose in life to be the social butterfly and that's ok.
The one thing I have always wanted to do in this lifetime is lock myself away in a big library and just be the eternal student. I want to find the answers to life's hardest questions. Who am I? Why am I here? What am I meant to do? Where do I go from here? I have had such a difficult life so far. Probablly not as bad as some but everything is relative. I want the rest of my life to be used to make a difference. To create a better way to live. A way without judgements, without rules, without hatred. I want to create a place where peope can go and escape from the world. I want to create a place that is like home, that is filled with beauty, peace, serenity and contentment. I want to answer those questions for myself and then help others answer their questions.
I guess i'm slowly turning away from my old life and welcoming in this new more challenging and fulfilling life. I'm sorry if people are unhappy with this, and I'm sorry to you guys for not sharing everything with you but sometimes you have to keep the good stuff for those who can look at it without criticising.
If you don't like my life then that's fine, don't be interested in it. Simple as. If you don't like the way I'm going then walk away which a few people have already done. I don't mind and I certainly won't hold a grudge against you. I didn't come into this life to make friends. That has been obvious since I was 5 years old. I don't make friends. Occassionally people take pity on me and think they should speak to me. I promise you, you don't.
I've been a loner since I can remember. I think that when I was really young it was a little difficult to deal with. I'd steam up the windoms and write I'm lonely in the condensation. I was just homesick. Looking to go back to the amazing world that I knew I had come from. I've never had anymore than 1 friend at a time. I've had lots of people who have considered themselves my friends and I'm grateful for that but I never actually let anyone in. It's not my purpose in life to be the social butterfly and that's ok.
The one thing I have always wanted to do in this lifetime is lock myself away in a big library and just be the eternal student. I want to find the answers to life's hardest questions. Who am I? Why am I here? What am I meant to do? Where do I go from here? I have had such a difficult life so far. Probablly not as bad as some but everything is relative. I want the rest of my life to be used to make a difference. To create a better way to live. A way without judgements, without rules, without hatred. I want to create a place where peope can go and escape from the world. I want to create a place that is like home, that is filled with beauty, peace, serenity and contentment. I want to answer those questions for myself and then help others answer their questions.
I guess i'm slowly turning away from my old life and welcoming in this new more challenging and fulfilling life. I'm sorry if people are unhappy with this, and I'm sorry to you guys for not sharing everything with you but sometimes you have to keep the good stuff for those who can look at it without criticising.