My giddy aunt
So, I'm getting desperate for a house sitter for the week after next when we'll be in NZ for a week. (BTW, pls let me know if you're interested or have a recommendation of a non-flakey friend.) So I've been FB friended for a little time now to my youngest cousin who recently turned 18. Knowing that he was on holidays I sent him a PM asking if he'd like to spend a week in Melbourne with free accommodation and that I didn't mind if he brought a friend with him.
Anyway, my aunt has caused a run in with me the last two times we've crossed paths. My cousin must have mentioned my invite to her, which seems natural. Generally, we have infrequent interactions so contact is an unusual event worthy of passing on the news. Family news/gossip all par for the course. But my aunt took the invite as some kind of cheek on my part. I get the feeling it was in the vein of "how dare she approach my son directly and not come through me?"
Anyway Dad copped a call and he called me to give me a heads up on an imminent call from the aunt who was upset. So can I ask for a reality check here, please?
(a) My cousin is 18, has finished high school (waiting on uni placements) but is still living under her roof. (And feel free to post comments.)Poll Should I have consulted the aunt before offering my cousin a house sitting gig?
(b) My Dad's reaction to it was "you two have to sort it between yourselves."
Now, my aunt has twice picked a fight with me. The last time was at the nursing home when my sister, her 2 yr old son and myself had called in before Christmas to say hello to the grandparents. My aunt started to have a go at me and when I at first didn't react she said, "Don't get snooty with me." To which I said, "Janet, I don't want to get into this." and walked away. She chased after and my response was "Let's just leave it. I don't want to fight." Later as we were leaving, I attempted to make amends even though I felt I wasn't at fault. I started out saying that "I didn't get the brief" about not talking to Grandfather about his depression/physical condition and would have gone on to say that I hadn't meant to upset anyone and I was sorry if I had. She cut me off at the use of the term "get the brief" and hissed that it wasn't a business meeting. Anyway, let's say she was spoiling for a fight and in her words she didn't appreciate me being "cool and smooth" in response to her.
Calm and controlled is basically my default in a stressful situation. A lifetime of dysfunctional mother/siblings and professional career with highly political and stressful situations kinda makes that a survival trait. (I'll not go into how upset I was on the inside because work had me pretty tapped out anyway and the last thing I needed was such in-my-face hostility. The emotional aftermath made me crash out entirely and I took a long time afterwards to process the emotions.)
The thing is, I think my Dad should be saying to my aunt (his sister), "Hey, don't you think you're over-reacting? What is it that she's done that warrants such a huge emotional response?" As a grown woman, is it unreasonable to expect that my dad would protect me a little from my aunt on the warpath? That as a fellow parent he should perhaps counsel her that dealing with the situation in this way was getting feathers ruffled where they didn't need to be? That he could have said, "I don't think Trae would have meant it that way"?
Anyway, my aunt has caused a run in with me the last two times we've crossed paths. My cousin must have mentioned my invite to her, which seems natural. Generally, we have infrequent interactions so contact is an unusual event worthy of passing on the news. Family news/gossip all par for the course. But my aunt took the invite as some kind of cheek on my part. I get the feeling it was in the vein of "how dare she approach my son directly and not come through me?"
Anyway Dad copped a call and he called me to give me a heads up on an imminent call from the aunt who was upset. So can I ask for a reality check here, please?
(a) My cousin is 18, has finished high school (waiting on uni placements) but is still living under her roof. (And feel free to post comments.)Poll Should I have consulted the aunt before offering my cousin a house sitting gig?
(b) My Dad's reaction to it was "you two have to sort it between yourselves."
Now, my aunt has twice picked a fight with me. The last time was at the nursing home when my sister, her 2 yr old son and myself had called in before Christmas to say hello to the grandparents. My aunt started to have a go at me and when I at first didn't react she said, "Don't get snooty with me." To which I said, "Janet, I don't want to get into this." and walked away. She chased after and my response was "Let's just leave it. I don't want to fight." Later as we were leaving, I attempted to make amends even though I felt I wasn't at fault. I started out saying that "I didn't get the brief" about not talking to Grandfather about his depression/physical condition and would have gone on to say that I hadn't meant to upset anyone and I was sorry if I had. She cut me off at the use of the term "get the brief" and hissed that it wasn't a business meeting. Anyway, let's say she was spoiling for a fight and in her words she didn't appreciate me being "cool and smooth" in response to her.
Calm and controlled is basically my default in a stressful situation. A lifetime of dysfunctional mother/siblings and professional career with highly political and stressful situations kinda makes that a survival trait. (I'll not go into how upset I was on the inside because work had me pretty tapped out anyway and the last thing I needed was such in-my-face hostility. The emotional aftermath made me crash out entirely and I took a long time afterwards to process the emotions.)
The thing is, I think my Dad should be saying to my aunt (his sister), "Hey, don't you think you're over-reacting? What is it that she's done that warrants such a huge emotional response?" As a grown woman, is it unreasonable to expect that my dad would protect me a little from my aunt on the warpath? That as a fellow parent he should perhaps counsel her that dealing with the situation in this way was getting feathers ruffled where they didn't need to be? That he could have said, "I don't think Trae would have meant it that way"?