hurr..
I don't expect anyone to read rants these days...
Okay, I'm gonna rant. I'm sorry if all this gets shown, but I don't see a point in hiding it because I have nothing to hide.
One of the things that I always fail to understand is why I get ignored all the time... I mean, I feel like I expect people to come and look at my art, hear about my life, ( Read more... )
Okay, I'm gonna rant. I'm sorry if all this gets shown, but I don't see a point in hiding it because I have nothing to hide.
One of the things that I always fail to understand is why I get ignored all the time... I mean, I feel like I expect people to come and look at my art, hear about my life, ( Read more... )
We all have weird character flaws and we all somehow learn to cope with weirdness that is us. For some people it's more severe and for others it’s something simple.
I myself am apathetic. I don't know how I got it, may have been the distrust in the people around me when I had to assimilate and my strange European gestures were just too weird, or it may have even been me never saying goodbye to my best friend when I was younger. Whatever it was, I forever don't really or truly care what people have to tell me or care about their sappy situations. For the most part I play pretend and give people what they want, but in my mind I know it’s a half hearted gesture.
I had a few friends up till I was 12 and for the remainder of the grades I had no friends. If I did have friends, I'm certain they only were because they pitied me. I finally got a best friend when I was 16, somehow we manage to stick together and somehow my apathy vanishes when I’m with her.
Needless to say, I bolted when the graduation ceremony was over. Seeing people cry just angered me. I didn't understand. I let those that wanted to hug me as I made my way off the football field, glad that was over, glad I was going to school 1000 miles away from it all, and glad I wouldn't suffer like everyone else.
Sometimes I honestly do care, which is nice, but other times I just wish I lived alone so I didn’t haven’t interact with the people I lived with. My first semester at the university was just that, I barely knew my roommate and I only left the dorm to go to class and eat. It was great until people wanted to be friends with me and asked me to do things with them. It was then I tried to acclimate into this “social” kind of life, had some friends, had a boyfriend that gave me a wake up call to stop being a hermit, but it all dropped this spring; back to just a few people, which works out since they don’t really have friends either.
Online, apathy is easy to cover because words on the internet are just words; you trust 10% of it as it is, what’s another fake chuckle or ooo/awweing. I had some awesome friends on dA, until they found better ones. I found myself surrounded with people that were sluts to better artists and brown nosed everyone they could. I did yell at my watchers, but I don’t know what happened to them all. I’m dumbfounded. Even the friends I had. Who has my back now? Where did the oC session invites go? Why do I get the feeling I’m the only one supporting my art? And why do I care that no one cares about me?
I can relate to the whole ‘no one cares about me or my art’ but I already snapped and yelled at people in a poll :/ And the responses angered me. I got more responses to a comment then a journal or even a dev. I’m only now getting the urge to draw properly.
As for being friends, I think I consider you my friend. After the whole extravaganza we went through.. I think though, it seems like you put your heart on your sleeve and I get that weird feeling you’re kidding or something. And then when you pour out about caring, you get upset that people don’t return the gesture. Welcome to my world, were pretty much everyone isn’t going to give you the full 100% back. You have to pick the right people; feel out there to see who will return the full and maybe focus on them. I’d want to return it, but it doesn’t feel like you’re trying to be friends with me.
You seem to always turn it around to being about you. It’s safe to say we’ve heard enough about you and how you feel. I’m not trying to be harsh, just generally, you’re journals and behavior in the chats tends to tire people out. I’d never throw myself out there like that. I’d become the people I distaste, those that post journals about how their life is going.
Reply
And you need to know that I've always cared about you, even when you've seemed a bit off at times. Don't think that our friendship isn't genuine, because it is, even if we don't talk much anymore.
Reply
Leave a comment