getting mad is gay...

[tradedforagun]

I always get mad at things that have absolutely no real reason to be mad over. Or maybe they do and I just and making an excuse for myself to not be mad to the other person because I am still stuck with a feeling in the back of my head from years of being told that I couldnt be upset over things or else I would be left because nobody could stand me being mad about something. Or Im afraid but not really because I know he wouldnt do this, get yelled at or be mad at by someone because of my personal feelings on something even though the other person may not totally agree with or understand it. I dont know which of the two reasons it is. Maybe its a mix of both. When I went to counseling, it helped a little because I was able to start to question things and think in my mind on my own without really having someone guide me there. Counseling helped a bit, but I created the questions myself taking into account all the things my feelings or ideas of stuff could possibly come from.

I think my reactions to things are just based on a compilation of things that just happened in my life that I dont really think about, they are just subconsciously there and I cant get away from it so its like programmed into my head that this or that particular thing will make me mad or feel a certain way. its pretty homosexual