a few thoughts too many...

[traddles]

"I'm feeling a little out of it today" .... maybe I should clarify what I usually mean when I say this.... usually "out of it today" means "I'm thinking too much today". well, today/night was alot of fun, mostly in the car going to the mall and in the mall I couldn't stop thinking, for some reason it was soooooo hard for me to recognize any of the things I was seeing and feeling as real...... somehow it seemed as though I simply couldn't shake the feeling that none of it really mattered. It came with a kind of cynicism that I don't think was good, but I just couldn't shake it. Watching over the railing from the second floor of the mall with naomi, watching all the people walking around looking at cloths and trinkets to buy I couldn't stop thinking to myself "are these people stupid willfully?! or is it accidental? don't they see that all of this is material crap that will burn with this world"....

...

I dunno, sometimes I just get kind of fed up with the world, but today I definatly kind of made myself sick, the world isn't real, nor does it matter, yet I find within myself an inbuilt desire to chase after the exact things that I was critisizing others for doing. At the same time, Jesus didn't call us to be monks, living totaly seperate from the world...... I dunno..... I think maybe I hurt myself when I think too much. Thanks for pulling me back naomi, I'm not ready to leave this world just yet, I'll play my part in this dream world for a while more. Sometimes a peak into true reality just makes it a little harder to take this "world" too seriously