(no subject)
I feel like i've lost. I held onto someone for so long..and I lose..I was there. I did everything i could and here i am alone.. I just don't understand, and i don't know that i ever will...This is the story of Sam..I need to get it out, and this is where i turn..
It all started in April with one little message...it read : Hey there what is up? and that is how it begin. Truth is, At that time I was still waiting for chris...I dont know why i waited for him for so long, but i was waiting..it was after everything with Cory went down, and I wasn't looking to have my heart ripped out and handed to me again. So i talked to Sam..he got my number and he would text me everyday...for 2 months..I ditched him and hid and pretended that things kept coming up and i had to cancel..finally i decided why not? what did i have to lose, I Kinda wish i woudlnt' have now now i wish i could take it all back to spare the heart ache. But we met, me him Chris and jessie ottavia and jeff... I had alot of fun, and i really liked him, and after that it was amazing. We hung out for a month, he always wanted me around, always called me babe..hun..sweetie...and on the fourth of July we became official..and i was so freaking happy...we both were...for two months we were happy...I for once in my life was happy. I was truly happy, and he was amazing..He always wanted to hold my hand and he always wanted me around. everyone could see he was crazy about me and i about him. Maybe that should've been my first clue that it was about to go down hill and fast..its almost as if everytime i'm happy Something has to come along and say no she's not allowed to be. Well He went to get the rest of his stuff from his exs and thats when it started..He was acting different, but i pretended not to notice, I played that everything was okay. It was his friend calvins last weekend so we had this party for him and we all got drunk...and his friend chris started to like try to touch me and be all over me..and i told sam that ngiht..i told him and he asked me whos arms i was in, and that it didn't matter. I was with him. We broke up, he ended up telling me he had feelings for his ex...and we broke up. But it didn't stop, he continued to call me in the morning, or text me all day long. It was when Chris broke up with his girlfriend Jessie..thats when it went to hell. Chris started texting me and i got the feeling that he was trying to get with me and take me from sam. I had and still dont have any feelings for the kid..Hes nice but I have no attraction to him. But he likes me, and sam wanted to catch him in and asked me to talk to him for it...and i knew i shouldnt' but i did i did because i cared about sam and i wanted to help him....I'm so stupid..In the end sam used that to break up with me all together...and now he's with some 21 year old..with no job...and 2 kids. I'm done. I'm done with dating, i'm done with guys, i'm over the heart break. Sure we were together for what two months? and talked for two months? I loved the kid. I did, i dont care what anyone says, but i do..I've only dated Two guys in my entire 25 years on this earth..Had sex with 3...and i'm still alone..I wonder what would've happened that day if i hadn't of decided to date chris..or decided to be with him for 5 years...where would i be right now? what would my life be like?
The what ifs are what kills me..I lost my dad last year, and everytime i turn around i'm losing someone else in my life.I just don't understand why the hell you'd chase me for two months, and then deiced that you dont want the drama...I guess it was all my fault, if sam had never met me, then Chris woudln't have met me and him and jessie would probably still be together, and I would be happy. I wouldn't be the one who started the "drama" i wouldn't have let my guard down and fallen for someone who would turn around and break my heart.I didn't want to meet him for this reason..and EVERYONE told me to give him a chance and to live a little...I did and here i am. I 'm alone and unhappy and he is "Believing in love at first sight' I'm writing this out now so i wont think about him. although thats tough shit, because lately he has been on my mind..I miss the morning phone calls or text messages..I miss the I miss you babes...I guess this is where i'm suppose to be I think this a learning experience for me..I dont regret cory..or chris or ryan...I dont even regret sam. I just regret the way they ended..
It all started in April with one little message...it read : Hey there what is up? and that is how it begin. Truth is, At that time I was still waiting for chris...I dont know why i waited for him for so long, but i was waiting..it was after everything with Cory went down, and I wasn't looking to have my heart ripped out and handed to me again. So i talked to Sam..he got my number and he would text me everyday...for 2 months..I ditched him and hid and pretended that things kept coming up and i had to cancel..finally i decided why not? what did i have to lose, I Kinda wish i woudlnt' have now now i wish i could take it all back to spare the heart ache. But we met, me him Chris and jessie ottavia and jeff... I had alot of fun, and i really liked him, and after that it was amazing. We hung out for a month, he always wanted me around, always called me babe..hun..sweetie...and on the fourth of July we became official..and i was so freaking happy...we both were...for two months we were happy...I for once in my life was happy. I was truly happy, and he was amazing..He always wanted to hold my hand and he always wanted me around. everyone could see he was crazy about me and i about him. Maybe that should've been my first clue that it was about to go down hill and fast..its almost as if everytime i'm happy Something has to come along and say no she's not allowed to be. Well He went to get the rest of his stuff from his exs and thats when it started..He was acting different, but i pretended not to notice, I played that everything was okay. It was his friend calvins last weekend so we had this party for him and we all got drunk...and his friend chris started to like try to touch me and be all over me..and i told sam that ngiht..i told him and he asked me whos arms i was in, and that it didn't matter. I was with him. We broke up, he ended up telling me he had feelings for his ex...and we broke up. But it didn't stop, he continued to call me in the morning, or text me all day long. It was when Chris broke up with his girlfriend Jessie..thats when it went to hell. Chris started texting me and i got the feeling that he was trying to get with me and take me from sam. I had and still dont have any feelings for the kid..Hes nice but I have no attraction to him. But he likes me, and sam wanted to catch him in and asked me to talk to him for it...and i knew i shouldnt' but i did i did because i cared about sam and i wanted to help him....I'm so stupid..In the end sam used that to break up with me all together...and now he's with some 21 year old..with no job...and 2 kids. I'm done. I'm done with dating, i'm done with guys, i'm over the heart break. Sure we were together for what two months? and talked for two months? I loved the kid. I did, i dont care what anyone says, but i do..I've only dated Two guys in my entire 25 years on this earth..Had sex with 3...and i'm still alone..I wonder what would've happened that day if i hadn't of decided to date chris..or decided to be with him for 5 years...where would i be right now? what would my life be like?
The what ifs are what kills me..I lost my dad last year, and everytime i turn around i'm losing someone else in my life.I just don't understand why the hell you'd chase me for two months, and then deiced that you dont want the drama...I guess it was all my fault, if sam had never met me, then Chris woudln't have met me and him and jessie would probably still be together, and I would be happy. I wouldn't be the one who started the "drama" i wouldn't have let my guard down and fallen for someone who would turn around and break my heart.I didn't want to meet him for this reason..and EVERYONE told me to give him a chance and to live a little...I did and here i am. I 'm alone and unhappy and he is "Believing in love at first sight' I'm writing this out now so i wont think about him. although thats tough shit, because lately he has been on my mind..I miss the morning phone calls or text messages..I miss the I miss you babes...I guess this is where i'm suppose to be I think this a learning experience for me..I dont regret cory..or chris or ryan...I dont even regret sam. I just regret the way they ended..