(no subject)
Is it normal to feel incredibly insecure right before you attempt to take the biggest step in your professional and personal life? I finished my main essay for cantorial school, the long one about why i want to be a cantor. No easy task, but it was a fun and introspective one. I wrote my essay. I felt good about my essay. Then I re-read Dan's. Daniel's is scholarly, well put-together, well-thought-out, clever and witty. Compared to his, mine looks like a bad 6th grade autobiography project. But, I don't want to rewrite it simply for the fact that I want the paper to sound like it's coming from my own mouth. Does that mean I think and speak like a bad 6th grade student? OK, so I don't use big vocabulary on a regular basis, and I'm not the smartest kid on the block, but I'm still intelligent. I still think and I try to do the right thing. Am I really an idiot and trying to cover up? I also looked up good GRE scores, and while I don't remember what mine were exactly, mine are nothing more than average. So now I'm worried. I don't want to be a failure at this. I don't want to call everyone in mid-March crying because I didn't get into cantorial school. I don't want to not be accepted; I know the depression that would overcome me if that were the case. I don't want to let myself down, and I don't want to let everyone else down either.
I don't want to fail at life.
I want to cry into my hebrew books :(
I don't want to fail at life.
I want to cry into my hebrew books :(