Needing to be Needed...
Sometimes I feel so alone. I just feel like no one really cares what happens to me. It's like i could be gone tomorrow and no one would care or notice....
I don't know why I have been getting like this lately. I think i need to go back to school. I need a change and school is about the only change I can get around here.
I just wish I had someone to hold me. It seems like other girls just go through guys but i can't get one. Is there something wrong with me? Is it my fault?
Hmm...I don't want to continue that train of thought...
I miss her. It will be a month on Friday. It's amazing to believe it's only a month and it's amazing how much I miss her. I still cry. Some nights i still cry myself to sleep.
I feel so much and I don't know how to express it.
One thing I feel besides sad, is sick. It makes me sick that the only grandparent I have left I barely know and she lives in the same complex. It's disgusting and....it hurts. I mean she just wants nothing to do with us...
It's not like we had this huge falling out. It's like she just doesn't want to be a part of our lives. She doesn't care and she's happy to live in her house and never come out.
God, I miss my Grandmother. I love her so much. I felt like she really understood me and she was just always there, whenever i needed her, she was there. And now I can't even call her... She's gone.
I know she's in a better place now and she's not in pain anymore. I mean I know she must have been hurting a lot in the end and I am glad she's not anymore.
I hated seeing her the hospital. I hated seeing her reduced to that. Oh my god it hurt so bad to see someone I loved so much lying in a hosputal bed not even able to communicate her feelings and tell people what she wanted.
I wish so bad that I could just call her up or give her a hug..... She would make everything better. And I could always talk to her. I could always tell her the stuff that I couldn't tell anyone else, like stuff about boys or when me and dad were having a fight and I needed someone to listen to me... She was always there...
And now...now I just don't know what I am going to do. I can't tell anyone any of this. No one understands or else, like my family, they are going through their own grief and I don't want to burden them with mine. I have to be the strong one....
I just can't do it all the time.
On top of that, I want and need to be needed, and no one needs me. No one in my family, none of my friends, if I really have any(Justin has already told me that I don't), not even my job needs me. The only way my job will notice me is if the paper towels or the soap dispensers run out. Then it will be, Wheres that girl who;s supposed to clean this up? Why isn't she doing her job?
*sigh*
I just wish I was wanted and that someone needed me.....
I don't know why I have been getting like this lately. I think i need to go back to school. I need a change and school is about the only change I can get around here.
I just wish I had someone to hold me. It seems like other girls just go through guys but i can't get one. Is there something wrong with me? Is it my fault?
Hmm...I don't want to continue that train of thought...
I miss her. It will be a month on Friday. It's amazing to believe it's only a month and it's amazing how much I miss her. I still cry. Some nights i still cry myself to sleep.
I feel so much and I don't know how to express it.
One thing I feel besides sad, is sick. It makes me sick that the only grandparent I have left I barely know and she lives in the same complex. It's disgusting and....it hurts. I mean she just wants nothing to do with us...
It's not like we had this huge falling out. It's like she just doesn't want to be a part of our lives. She doesn't care and she's happy to live in her house and never come out.
God, I miss my Grandmother. I love her so much. I felt like she really understood me and she was just always there, whenever i needed her, she was there. And now I can't even call her... She's gone.
I know she's in a better place now and she's not in pain anymore. I mean I know she must have been hurting a lot in the end and I am glad she's not anymore.
I hated seeing her the hospital. I hated seeing her reduced to that. Oh my god it hurt so bad to see someone I loved so much lying in a hosputal bed not even able to communicate her feelings and tell people what she wanted.
I wish so bad that I could just call her up or give her a hug..... She would make everything better. And I could always talk to her. I could always tell her the stuff that I couldn't tell anyone else, like stuff about boys or when me and dad were having a fight and I needed someone to listen to me... She was always there...
And now...now I just don't know what I am going to do. I can't tell anyone any of this. No one understands or else, like my family, they are going through their own grief and I don't want to burden them with mine. I have to be the strong one....
I just can't do it all the time.
On top of that, I want and need to be needed, and no one needs me. No one in my family, none of my friends, if I really have any(Justin has already told me that I don't), not even my job needs me. The only way my job will notice me is if the paper towels or the soap dispensers run out. Then it will be, Wheres that girl who;s supposed to clean this up? Why isn't she doing her job?
*sigh*
I just wish I was wanted and that someone needed me.....