listening to music through the wall....
the neighbors are listening to a weird playlist of chili peppers and reggae. wtf.
while I have been doing much better at getting my work done, Stephen has been sinking to a level of laziness and sloth I can only describe as depression in denial. he wont admit he's depressed but he wont do anything to get out of it either.I was in this funk a few weeks ago, the best medicine was a wake up call from my teacher who said stop sinking yourself into a deeper hole, you can get yourself out! really!
So i kinda tried to do that for him the past few days but he sneaks around whatever i suggest to him. for example i said "why dont you let me go to sleep and then you can have the apt to yourself to do work" he gets in bed with me and i go "what are you doing go work!!" and hes like "but you want me to snuggle with you until you fall asleep" ok yes i have said in the past that i like this. now he is using it as an excuse not to do work. i tried to get him out of bed but he fell asleep before i did and never got up to work. last night i told him he wasnt going to pull that again and he almost got it- i went to bed, he went in the living room...until a few minutes later he shows up and goes "i get to lie down for 15 minutes!" well...he never got up then either.
today i made him face all of the work he has to do and break it down into smaller tasks. i think the thing thats overwhelming him is that he cant wrap his head around all that he has to do. so we spent a while writing everything down, and then made a schedule for the weekend. we calculated that he has about 24 hours of work to do. mind you he has like 80 something hours to do it, so i think its doable. as long as he spends half of his waking hours working. just half. its really not that bad.
its just a catch 22- if i leave him alone about his work then his mood just gets worse and worse, he takes things out on me, he gets distant, its bad. if i try to hold him accountable for his work, i become the mommy and he resents me. but i mean, its better this way i guess since he knows that i'm doing it for his benefit. and he does this for me sometimes when I cant get it together. ok so its not the healthiest of adult relationship situations but sometimes men want to be babied. and from the beginning stephen has been one of those men in one way or another. he never had a mom. he always wants to be taken care of. and i always want to take care of him. of course when he feels taken care of then he switches to feeling like i suffocate him and his independence has been taken away from him.
its a balancing act.
its not the most fun.
but the thing is, when things are good, theyre really really good. and thats enough of an incentive for me to keep trying.
ok now the neighbors are listening to that yukelele version of somewhere over the rainbow. know what im talking about? god theyre so high right now. i hate thin walls.
i have no idea what to do today. the sun is shining its warm out, i have tons of time this weekend to do my work, get some relaxing time in, and clean the apartment, and i have no idea where to start. eh who cares. i have time right? all of a sudden i blink and its sunday. better get started
oh good theyve switched to the garden state soundtrack. yup. totally high.
they leave their bongs in the back yard. i mean dont they think someone is going to notice? i dont get scad students. i cant wait to not be one of them.
while I have been doing much better at getting my work done, Stephen has been sinking to a level of laziness and sloth I can only describe as depression in denial. he wont admit he's depressed but he wont do anything to get out of it either.I was in this funk a few weeks ago, the best medicine was a wake up call from my teacher who said stop sinking yourself into a deeper hole, you can get yourself out! really!
So i kinda tried to do that for him the past few days but he sneaks around whatever i suggest to him. for example i said "why dont you let me go to sleep and then you can have the apt to yourself to do work" he gets in bed with me and i go "what are you doing go work!!" and hes like "but you want me to snuggle with you until you fall asleep" ok yes i have said in the past that i like this. now he is using it as an excuse not to do work. i tried to get him out of bed but he fell asleep before i did and never got up to work. last night i told him he wasnt going to pull that again and he almost got it- i went to bed, he went in the living room...until a few minutes later he shows up and goes "i get to lie down for 15 minutes!" well...he never got up then either.
today i made him face all of the work he has to do and break it down into smaller tasks. i think the thing thats overwhelming him is that he cant wrap his head around all that he has to do. so we spent a while writing everything down, and then made a schedule for the weekend. we calculated that he has about 24 hours of work to do. mind you he has like 80 something hours to do it, so i think its doable. as long as he spends half of his waking hours working. just half. its really not that bad.
its just a catch 22- if i leave him alone about his work then his mood just gets worse and worse, he takes things out on me, he gets distant, its bad. if i try to hold him accountable for his work, i become the mommy and he resents me. but i mean, its better this way i guess since he knows that i'm doing it for his benefit. and he does this for me sometimes when I cant get it together. ok so its not the healthiest of adult relationship situations but sometimes men want to be babied. and from the beginning stephen has been one of those men in one way or another. he never had a mom. he always wants to be taken care of. and i always want to take care of him. of course when he feels taken care of then he switches to feeling like i suffocate him and his independence has been taken away from him.
its a balancing act.
its not the most fun.
but the thing is, when things are good, theyre really really good. and thats enough of an incentive for me to keep trying.
ok now the neighbors are listening to that yukelele version of somewhere over the rainbow. know what im talking about? god theyre so high right now. i hate thin walls.
i have no idea what to do today. the sun is shining its warm out, i have tons of time this weekend to do my work, get some relaxing time in, and clean the apartment, and i have no idea where to start. eh who cares. i have time right? all of a sudden i blink and its sunday. better get started
oh good theyve switched to the garden state soundtrack. yup. totally high.
they leave their bongs in the back yard. i mean dont they think someone is going to notice? i dont get scad students. i cant wait to not be one of them.