Creative Madness
Does mental illness make a person more creative? Though most of you can think of several famous creative people (Sylvia Plath, Hemmingway, Van Gogh) who suffered from a mental illness, there is no causal link. ( See research here and here*)
But how can that be?
Well, just like you can think of famous painters and poets and songwriters who suffered from mental illness, you can think of noncreative types that suffered from symptoms of depression or bipolar or anxiety.
Yet, the general public continues to believe all creative types are “mad” or mentally unstable. Why? Creative types often face a lot of rejection and criticism, the bedfellows of depression and anxiety. And to be fair, creativity requires thinking outside the box and pushing the envelope and a unique perspective. These are traits common in mental illness. However, the notion that my being depressed MAKES me creative it flawed. As the articles above report, most people who suffer from clinical level symptoms report a drop in their creativity.
I add anecdotal evidence to those articles.
Last week I was missing in action. I would like to say I was busy with my friends** or finishing edits on The Collector. But alas, I was battling some really dark thoughts. A battle so fierce it left me with little energy and zero creativity. I’m not saying this to get a storm of “What’s wrong?” and words of encouragement. Please, I beg of you, don’t ask me what’s wrong and don’t send encouragements. Why? Simple. I have great friends. I have a job that, although pays peanuts, is loaded with wonderful people. I have parents who love me. I have a home and food and shelter. I have good health. So NOTHING is wrong. And I know (not bragging) that I am funny and smart (sometimes). Yet . . . as I type this I feel nothing. The words I type mean nothing. Your saying them doesn’t breathe life into them. God I wish it did.
But alas, I have to believe them.
And I can’t.
Not now. In a few days or a week or so…
So what is the point?
I think that the public either romanticizes mental illness (mentioned in articles) or views it as a “quirk” that can be fixed with the “right” thinking: “Pick yourself up by the boot traps” “You’re wanting to feel down. Just think happy thoughts.” “Stop dwelling on the negative.” If I am blue, just having a bad day (or two), yes, thinking rainbow thoughts helps. But when I am depressed, thinking of the loveliness of life does not “fix the problem.” In fact, when I attempt, but find myself standing in a pile of negative thoughts and tears I’ve shed for no identifiable reason, it is one more failure. One more thing I can’t seem to get right. The horror of depression is: I don’t need a trigger or an event to feel bad. (Thus, deepening the guilt). The horror of depression is I know HOW I should be thinking…I KNOW things could be worse. On some level, I KNOW my thinking is wrong. Nonetheless, I can tell you why my wonky reasoning is dead right.
Depression is a formidable foe.
I’m sharing this because 1) if you fight the same bastard, you’re not alone, 2) if you have friends who fight the beast, watch what you say, 3) my LJ commenting and posting may be sporadic. Know that I’ve been here before (I’ve been in deeper before). I will fine. Promise. (The fact that I was able to write this serves as proof.)
*Depression in more common in women, thus, it is no surprise that female poets suffer from depression.
**Toward the end of the week I did several things with friends. I know isolation is a BAD thing. (I hope I appeared happy. I really wanted to be...)