[IC (Rynlan)]
Things failed to work out as I'd hoped. Krestin left a while ago, and since then I've been keeping myself as busy as I can with my work. I do not enjoy losing one bit. Not that anyone really does, but that was going so well and it's always quite the disappointment when things suddenly fall through. At least he might still be good for a little gratification now and then, even if it's doubtful that I'll manage any further influence. I prefer him in small doses anyway- it was a bit like having an overgrown, very sneaky, very bored cat around. Briefly tempted to bell him. Didn't. Slightly regret.
Work is...as it usually is. My research into the shadow, however, is coming along quite nicely indeed. I have a greater degree of control over the shadowform, not to mention a much better grasp on the offensive capabilities of shadow magic, which could certainly come in handy. Some of them are fascinating- not only can one use it as a direct offense, it's possible to call forth what's termed a shadowfiend to do it for you. The cat hates the thing. I find it...strangely endearing, in a freakish nether beast sort of way. It doesn't hold its shape long, but long enough to be useful, at least.
...I find that when the subject comes up, people tend to ask why one would take up the shadow over the Light, as though this is a difficult concept to grasp. Not necessarily with myself, mind, but I've seen the same thing repeated on multiple occasions- which is precisely why I tend to keep my mouth shut about it and allow most to carry on thinking I only heal. I'd rather not get into it and I feel little need to justify myself.
The Light, I have heard some claim, is some sort of...benevolent and compassionate force, to be followed rather than used, bent toward rather than shaped as one wills.
This is utter shit.
They say things that sound so good in theory, such as "the Light will be there for you", that it brightens dark places, all manner of overly optimistic sentiments. What I think they fail to realize is that in attempting to bring light into a dark place, all you really succeed in doing is making the shadows that much larger. Sharper. More distended. You throw them into stark contrast and suddenly they seem so much worse.
As far as it being there, I find the light is far too often absent in places that have need of it. For a while I thought along similar lines, with far too much optimism, believing that through its use some good could be done in the world. No matter what was lost, surely it could be rebuilt- we could be rebuilt- and though it struck a heavy blow to that optimism the City's fall did not kill it.
The North, however, did.
Those who still believe the Light will be there must be sheltered or particularly thick-headed. If it is, then where was it when we were swarmed by the dead? Where was it when they fell, one by one, when it was just too much to save them from? Where was it when some of their pleas for help had to be ignored in favor of healing those who were more likely to make it, and-
I think that's really what did it. We should never have to choose who gets to live, who's worthy of what attention you can afford to spare and who would be a waste of limited resources. You can't keep seeing them as someone who probably has a husband, a wife, family, siblings, people who care for them because then when you turn away from them you have to face the fact that you just let all of them down. You can't save everyone, I know you can't, but there's a difference between the inevitability of death when there just isn't any help left to give, and letting someone die who might have lived after all because there just isn't enough time in the world for all of them. Because you could keep three others from dying in the time it would have taken to save that one. Because they're not going to stop coming and that wound's already infected from the plagues the dead are carrying and there just won't be time and he looks absolutely terrified and maybe if you got to it now that could be cleansed, the wound could be healed, maybe he'd live, but they're still falling all around and the ones who are still holding them back can't fall or you're all fucked
And then there's no time to spare for yourself when they get to you.
There's never enough time.
((a large inkblot where the pen rested)) ...I think that's more than enough for now.
Work is...as it usually is. My research into the shadow, however, is coming along quite nicely indeed. I have a greater degree of control over the shadowform, not to mention a much better grasp on the offensive capabilities of shadow magic, which could certainly come in handy. Some of them are fascinating- not only can one use it as a direct offense, it's possible to call forth what's termed a shadowfiend to do it for you. The cat hates the thing. I find it...strangely endearing, in a freakish nether beast sort of way. It doesn't hold its shape long, but long enough to be useful, at least.
...I find that when the subject comes up, people tend to ask why one would take up the shadow over the Light, as though this is a difficult concept to grasp. Not necessarily with myself, mind, but I've seen the same thing repeated on multiple occasions- which is precisely why I tend to keep my mouth shut about it and allow most to carry on thinking I only heal. I'd rather not get into it and I feel little need to justify myself.
The Light, I have heard some claim, is some sort of...benevolent and compassionate force, to be followed rather than used, bent toward rather than shaped as one wills.
This is utter shit.
They say things that sound so good in theory, such as "the Light will be there for you", that it brightens dark places, all manner of overly optimistic sentiments. What I think they fail to realize is that in attempting to bring light into a dark place, all you really succeed in doing is making the shadows that much larger. Sharper. More distended. You throw them into stark contrast and suddenly they seem so much worse.
As far as it being there, I find the light is far too often absent in places that have need of it. For a while I thought along similar lines, with far too much optimism, believing that through its use some good could be done in the world. No matter what was lost, surely it could be rebuilt- we could be rebuilt- and though it struck a heavy blow to that optimism the City's fall did not kill it.
The North, however, did.
Those who still believe the Light will be there must be sheltered or particularly thick-headed. If it is, then where was it when we were swarmed by the dead? Where was it when they fell, one by one, when it was just too much to save them from? Where was it when some of their pleas for help had to be ignored in favor of healing those who were more likely to make it, and-
I think that's really what did it. We should never have to choose who gets to live, who's worthy of what attention you can afford to spare and who would be a waste of limited resources. You can't keep seeing them as someone who probably has a husband, a wife, family, siblings, people who care for them because then when you turn away from them you have to face the fact that you just let all of them down. You can't save everyone, I know you can't, but there's a difference between the inevitability of death when there just isn't any help left to give, and letting someone die who might have lived after all because there just isn't enough time in the world for all of them. Because you could keep three others from dying in the time it would have taken to save that one. Because they're not going to stop coming and that wound's already infected from the plagues the dead are carrying and there just won't be time and he looks absolutely terrified and maybe if you got to it now that could be cleansed, the wound could be healed, maybe he'd live, but they're still falling all around and the ones who are still holding them back can't fall or you're all fucked
And then there's no time to spare for yourself when they get to you.
There's never enough time.
((a large inkblot where the pen rested)) ...I think that's more than enough for now.