(no subject)
i dont know what my problem is, but ever since i was little i have always hated to be blamed for things that i know are not true at all. maybe its some strange complex that i have from being the youngest kid. maybe i was scarred when i was younger from a traumatizing experience. who knows. i do remember one time when i was much younger. my brother had an x-men action figure, it was the bald guy who was played by that star trek dude in the x-men movie. well i went into his room and i saw the action figure on his desk. so i went to pick it up. and i did. and i noticed that the arm had broken off. and that was it. i just noticed it. i didnt say anything. then later that night my brother was all mad and he came storming into the room and yelled that someone had broken his action figure. and i was really young and i looked up and i said, oh, i know, i noticed that earlier. and right then, my ENTIRE family blamed me for breaking it and they tried to make me apologize to my brother. but it wasnt my fault.
so now, whenever anything like that happens, i tend to panic and freak out. i think its because of that experience. i cant help but feel completely helpless and all i want to do is scream and cry. but i dont. because its not that serious. i just panic. a lot.
now i dont even have real nightmares. just dreams where something like this happens. and ill wake up in a sweat and be really freaked out. i dont know why.
do you know the feeling? like no one will ever believe you but you know what you said or you know what you saw or you know what you did? and no one will ever believe you. theres no one on your side. thats what it feels like. and i cant really deal with that.
i dont know.
so now, whenever anything like that happens, i tend to panic and freak out. i think its because of that experience. i cant help but feel completely helpless and all i want to do is scream and cry. but i dont. because its not that serious. i just panic. a lot.
now i dont even have real nightmares. just dreams where something like this happens. and ill wake up in a sweat and be really freaked out. i dont know why.
do you know the feeling? like no one will ever believe you but you know what you said or you know what you saw or you know what you did? and no one will ever believe you. theres no one on your side. thats what it feels like. and i cant really deal with that.
i dont know.