just a vent
i've been in such a shitty mood lately. i keep thinking my life is about to get better, and it keeps not getting better. my leg is killing me. lawyer quoted me $400 more than before...which kinda sucks but hopefully that'll soon be over. it's been nearly a month since i've blazed and basically im going to have to go another year.
i'm just not very happy with my life and it's totally affecting my attitude. like, i wish i was in school, and i wish i didn't work so much, and wish the money I make could be spent on things like a record player and tattoos, i wish i was closer with a few people, but mostly I just wish i had a girlfriend. i see so many beautiful girls with arousing figures and sexy hair and it makes my skin crawl. and yes I know I'm the only reason i don't have these things, and that i should go out and get/do them, but the thought of it all is so intimidating i just don't even bother. at least not now- i don't have the confidence. i keep telling myself that once I finish paying off this court thing i'll have nothing in my way but that really shouldnt be so much of a factor.
i saw this movie Little Miss Sunshine today. it was a good movie. however, there was this one line where the dude was talking about some writer no one's heard of, how he says the years he suffered mattered more because it made him the person he was. that makes sense...sure. but then he went on to say that the years he was happy were just a waste, that he learned nothing. i think that's bullshit. pain is the body's way of telling you to change whatever you're doing. that includes emotional pain. all the melancholy times i've spent wallowing over my parents or some girl, or the despair i feel now with my life going nowhere, maybe really built character, but you can't convince me it's better than actually having a comfortable family life, being in love with a girl who reciprocates, and having the world on the tip of your finger. maybe i'm just dealing with it in the wrong way.
and why the hell can't i sleep like a normal person?
i'm just not very happy with my life and it's totally affecting my attitude. like, i wish i was in school, and i wish i didn't work so much, and wish the money I make could be spent on things like a record player and tattoos, i wish i was closer with a few people, but mostly I just wish i had a girlfriend. i see so many beautiful girls with arousing figures and sexy hair and it makes my skin crawl. and yes I know I'm the only reason i don't have these things, and that i should go out and get/do them, but the thought of it all is so intimidating i just don't even bother. at least not now- i don't have the confidence. i keep telling myself that once I finish paying off this court thing i'll have nothing in my way but that really shouldnt be so much of a factor.
i saw this movie Little Miss Sunshine today. it was a good movie. however, there was this one line where the dude was talking about some writer no one's heard of, how he says the years he suffered mattered more because it made him the person he was. that makes sense...sure. but then he went on to say that the years he was happy were just a waste, that he learned nothing. i think that's bullshit. pain is the body's way of telling you to change whatever you're doing. that includes emotional pain. all the melancholy times i've spent wallowing over my parents or some girl, or the despair i feel now with my life going nowhere, maybe really built character, but you can't convince me it's better than actually having a comfortable family life, being in love with a girl who reciprocates, and having the world on the tip of your finger. maybe i'm just dealing with it in the wrong way.
and why the hell can't i sleep like a normal person?