(no subject)
I don't ever know how to put what I'm feeling into words anymore. I used to be so good at it. Not verbally. Never verbally. But I could always get it out of me with words. Even when things are spelled out for me, I still don't understand. Some things just don't make sense to me. I'd like to think that I am somewhat rational. I don't really understand feelings because they aren't always rational. I want to be smart about things. I want to make sure that everything isn't all fucked up. Also, I am a firm believer in letting whatever happens, happen. It has gotten me into a good spot so far, so why screw with it and mess it up? I'm not condoning letting everything simply happen. Of course you have to put forth some sort of effort to get the things you need and want. Gosh, I am all over the place. And this is going to sound stupid but I don't know why someone would love me. I just don't. I mean, I love me. I think I am great, but I also think that I am a real loser. haha. I guess what concerns me is that I am not what people think I am. One of the worst things for me is letting people down. But oh, I'm so good at it. I constantly let my parents down. I let myself down a lot. But I guess it's better to have high expectations and fall short than to achieve low ones. And falling short isn't always a bad thing, it actually drives me to do better. I wish I could just straighten everything out. I wish I could shrink into my brain and clear a path for myself to follow. I don't know why I won't give in. It would make things easier.
There is a lack of comfort inside myself.
A lack of something...
What is it?
There is a lack of comfort inside myself.
A lack of something...
What is it?