Post Judas on a Pole - Chapter 3
So here is Chapter 3 of Post Judas on a Pole. I'm really nervous about posting this chapter, so any feedback is appreciated, just PLEASE BE GENTLE!
Title: undetermined (Post Judas on a Pole)
Author: tracgyrl
Rating: undetermined ::this chapter is R::
Category: Bones Season 2
Content: B/B, H/A, B/C friendship
Genre: Angst/Romance
Foreword: This picks up at the very end of Judas on a Pole as Booth and Brennan walk into the Diner.
Spoilers: N/A
Disclaimer: The characters in Bones were created by Kathy Reichs and Hart Hanson and are the property of Josephson Entertainment and 20th Century FOX. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Please DO NOT DISTRIBUTE!
Notes: This story will be very Angst-y with Booth/Brennan trying to figure out their feelings for each other. New characters will be introduced and there will be a crossover character that I hope won't be too nerve-wracking.
::Special Instruction:: The part of Chapter 3, Dissolved Girl, is meant to be read accompanied by the song Dissolved Girl by Massive Attack. I have provided a link to this song. Please feel free to download it or just play it and read the lyrics(already incorporated) along with this part of the story. To me this song describes how Brennan is feeling in this moment.
Chapter 3
Back to Brennan's Loft
Angela went to Brennan's bathroom door for the 3rd time in 45 minutes. She was really beginning to worry. Brennan had the water running hoping to drown out her crying. "UGGGHH this is just silly and nonproductive." Brennan admonished herself.
"Honey...open the door." Angela pleaded.
" "
"Brennan, please?"
" "
"Sweetie can I at least get you something?"
"Booth" Brennan said automatically, thinking of the one thing that seemed to bring her any solace, but not meaning to have said it out loud.
"What was that, honey?" Angela had been straining to hear inside the bathroom, but could have sworn she heard Brennan say "Booth."Angela heard Brennan's cell phone chiming from inside her purse in the kitchen. She wondered who could be calling, frowning at the thought that it might be Brennan's father or brother and left her position outside the bathroom door to go retrieve the phone. When she reached into Brennan's purse the phone had stopped ringing, so she placed it on the counter and started to walk to the couch where Jack was watching Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel, when Brennan's home phone rang. She turned back towards the kitchen and angrily grabbed the cordless phone off the counter. She looked at the Caller ID and sighed in relief when she recognized the number.
"Booth." Angela said breathlessly. Jack’s head popped up when he heard Angela on the phone and he got up and went over to her.
"Angela," Booth flinched at the sense of panic he heard in her voice. He stepped on the gas in his SUV and turned the last corner before Brennan's street sharply. "What is it....is Brennan all right?"
"She's been in the bathroom for like... the last 45 minutes." Angela was exasperated.
"Booth, dude, get over here now." Jack called out over Angela's shoulder.
"What....Why....is she sick?" Booth slammed the door to his truck and dashed inside Brennan's building. He punched in the security code and by-passed the elevators opting to take the stairs instead.
"Uhh ....she got a call from Russ." Angela admitted reluctantly. "I could tell she was upset, but she doesn't want to talk about it."
Angela could hear Booth's breath increase as he seemed to be running. She wondered where he was going. "I'll take the phone to the bathroom, she might talk to you."
"Just open the door Angela." Booth stated before hanging up the phone. He stood impatiently outside Brennan's door.
"Why didn't you say you were on your way here?" Angela questioned Booth as she opened the door to Brennan's loft.
"I thought it was understood." Booth made his way inside Brennan's apartment and pulled off his green jacket. He noticed the box from Wong Fu's and turned to Jack. "Thanks." He nodded his head towards the box on Brennan's table.
"No problem man." Hodgins glanced anxiously toward the bathroom door that hid Brennan.
"Thank God you're here." Angela sighed heavily her eyes welling with tears. "I'm really worried."
"So, you said Russ called...." Booth questioned Jack and Angela and they recounted the part of the conversation that they were privy to.
"I'll take it from here." Booth announced after he got a clear picture of Brennan's conversation with Russ. He felt a stab of guilt for not being there sooner, but made a silent vow that he would get her to open up to him and that he would find a way to comfort her.
Angela asked Booth to have Brennan call her as she and Hodgins gathered their things and left. Booth stared down the hallway at Brennan's closed bathroom door and sent up a silent prayer.
************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
Brennan was sitting on the edge of her bathtub, the water in her sink still running absently. She stood up and went to stand in front of her sink, turning off the water she stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and her irises were a pale blue sickly hue. Her cheeks were tearstained and she'd rubbed the delicate skin under her eyes raw. Her nose was red and puffy and her face overall blotchy. "Get it together Brennan. This is what happens when people allow themselves to be belied with familial attachment." She tried to rationalize her emotions. Her mind drifted back to the two weeks she spent with Russ in North Carolina over the summer and how their bond had been renewed. She felt the loss exorbitantly and inhaled sharply as her eyes welled once again. She backed away from the mirror unable to watch herself become overwhelmed once more. This time a loud heaving sob escaped her body and she sank to her knees on the cold tile of the floor.
As Booth reached Brennan's bathroom door he could hear her painful sobbing. His chest constricted with sympathy and he paused momentarily to take a deep breath. He walked up to the door and leaned against it with one hand, his other hand on the knob.
"Brennan, it's Booth, can I come in?" Booth tried.
"Booth...Booth ummm I'm alright." Brennan panicked getting up from the floor. "When did he get here? How long have I been in here? Angela, she must have called him. I can't let him see me like this." Booth could hear the panic in her voice and tried to reassure her. "Bones, it's OK, open up."
"I...I can't....." She couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Bones, look I know Russ called. It's OK. I know it upset you. I'm just here....if you want to talk about it." Booth tried the knob on the door, but it wouldn't budge. He bent down to peer at the lock, noting it was simple and he could probably jimmy it open with a small kitchen knife if he had to.
"No, I'm just going to .....take a shower....now and ......and get some...rest....I'm really tired. Booth you can just.... go home, OK." Brennan fumbled. Booth's voice was so full of concern it disabled her. She wanted to let him in. She wanted to open the bathroom door, but she didn't want him to see her, dissolved. "I've got to make him go away." She turned to the shower, reached in and turned on the water in an effort to drown out Booth's voice. The cold water rushed out of the shower head and sprayed her hair soaking her arm in the process. She could still hear Booth's voice through the door.
"Temperance..." Booth took a deep breath and raised his voice as he heard the shower turn on. "You're not alone this time. I know it hurts, OK. You feel like that abandoned 15 year old kid waiting to go into foster care all over again. You and your brother .......had gotten close again and as soon as you counted on that relationship, he abandoned you all over again...., but.....your life won't be turned upside down this time, OK. 'Cause I'm right here. I won't leave you, just open the door."
As Booth began to verbalize everything she had been feeling for the past hour, a dam of emotions broke inside Brennan. "This is not happening again." She put her hands over her ears and shook her head from side to side. The cold water dripping from her hair mixed with the hot tears flowing freely down her cheeks. "Stop it!" She screamed silently to herself as she began to remember.
It was an unusually warm winter day. She had just finished having lunch with her mom, dad, and Russ. She was putting away the dishes for her mother when a whispered conversation drifted into the kitchen.
"Do you think we got everything Tempe wanted?" Her dad's voice whispered.
"Well, there's still that Proton Microscope she's been talking about." Russ whispered to their father.
"Oh yeah, the one that she can use on all her Organic Chemistry homework, next year." Her dad remembered eagerly. "I know where the school gets their lab equipment from. I'll go down there this evening and buy one."
"I'll go with you. There's still a beautiful blue sweater I want to pick up for her from the mall." Her mother's voice chimed in.
Tempe had wandered to the kitchen door listening intently about her parents’ last minute Christmas shopping. She was so excited about getting that microscope she almost let out a little squeal. She composed her face and burst into the family room. Her mom, dad, and brother turned around to look at her as she came into the room. Her dad got up from the couch and walked over to her. He grabbed her chin in his hand and kissed her on her forehead.
"Your mom and I are going out for a while" He gave her his best "charm smile" and winked at her. "Keep an eye on Russ will you."
Her dad always teased her and her brother about who was the more responsible one between her and Russ. She watched as her mom and dad got their coats and left out the front door. Russ followed them outside with her on his heels. They both watched from the yard as their parents drove off, promising to be back in a couple of hours..................
"NO..." Brennan cried out. "NOT AGAIN....." She just needed somewhere to hide, so she opened the shower door and closed it behind her. The cold water began to soak her clothes. She didn't care; she just wanted to disappear.
Booth heard the heart wrenching sob Brennan let out and decided it was time to break into the bathroom. He abandoned his vigil at the door and walked into the kitchen. Brennan kept a utility drawer near the breakfast bar and he opened it to locate a small screw driver. "When I get my hands on Max Keenan I'm going to ring his......." Booth thought to himself as he walked back to the bathroom door. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second.
"Temperance....." Booth exhaled.
" "
"Bones, I'm coming in there....I know you're not really taking a shower." Booth announced his intentions as he began to pick the lock. "I found that tiny screw driver you keep in the utility drawer and I'm going to use it to pick this lock. When I come in there...." Booth jimmied the lock and twisted the knob. "We....are going to talk about your dad and your bro...." Booth cut off as the door sprung open with no sign of Brennan.
"Temperance?" Booth turned towards the shower stall. The stall doors were closed and water was streaming out, but she wasn't standing under the spray, nor was she anywhere else that he could readily see in the bathroom. He noticed a dark mass crouched into the back corner of the stall and opened the doors.
Brennan was curled into a ball fully clothed at the far corner of the shower with her head between her knees. Her dark wet hair looked like a slick black curtain over her face; her satin blouse completely ruined from the water and her jeans a sodden mess. Booth reached into the shower stall and turned off the cold water. Her hands and feet were exposed and the skin on her neck had turned blue from the icy water. He sucked in a sharp breath at the picture she made.
"Temperance...." Booth finally spoke her name as he stepped into the shower. "You're soaked through!"
"Booth...." Her red rimmed eyes snapped open and she panicked when he spoke her name. She hadn't even heard him come in, or noticed that the water had stopped. She raised her head just as he reached down to grasp her shoulders. "Don't.... Please don't touch me..."
"Let me help you Temperance..." Booth pleaded. He needed to get her off the shower floor and into some dry clothes.
She backed away from him grasping at the wall behind her. Her wet jeans slid over her bare feet and she used the corner of the stall to push herself upright. "I don't need them....you...I...I can take care of myself." Brennan's teeth chattered as she spoke and her body shivered inside her now frigid clothes. She tried to steel her features and she clenched her jaw in determination.
Booth took a step toward her. He reached his hands out and put them on either side of her face. His brown eyes took in her pain ravaged features and his heart ached for her. His voice was hoarse with emotion as he pleaded with her again. "Temperance...."
Brennan's eyes closed as Booth said her first name. That small gesture, him using her first name, always made her want to give into him. His warm hands burned the cold flesh on her face. "I can't....I've got to get out of here." Her mind reasoned for her to escape.
"Let me help you..." Booth whispered, using his thumbs to wipe away the fresh tears that escaped down her cheeks. He put one hand into her wet hair and pulled her to his chest. "My GOD, you're freezing!"
She held her body rigid as he enveloped her in his warmth. He began to stroke his hand up and down her spine trying to rub away some of the tension. Her body shivered in response and she gasped turning her head into his broad chest. She put her arms around his waist and he pulled her closer. He closed his eyes and laid his head against the side of hers. She could feel his warm breath drift down to her ear and she let herself relish momentarily in the security his embrace provided.
"It's OK, Temperance. I'm right here." Booth whispered as he felt her body relax against his.
"For how long...." Brennan's mind threatened. She pulled back from the embrace and looked up at him. "I'm ....I'm getting you all w-wet." Her voice quivered as she dropped her arms from around his waist.
"I don't care about that right now. I meant what I said Bones." Booth grabbed her chin and forced her to look him in the eye. "There's more than one kind of family." He moved his hand from her chin and around to her neck and began to message the knot he felt there under her wet hair.
Brennan clenched her eyes in an effort to keep herself from crying again. Booth was being so caring and affectionate. She wanted to trust it, but how long before she was no longer worth it to him.
"Don't push me away..." Booth pleaded. He felt Brennan's body tense and pulled her even closer. Her heart was beating anxiously and he could feel her inner struggle. He wanted to comfort her, to take care of her.
"I have to...." She strained as she pulled away from him. She tried to move around him and her foot, completely covered by her wet jeans, slipped in the shower. Booth grabbed her around the waist to keep her from falling. He pulled her back against his chest and secured his arms tightly around her.
"I won't leave you, Temperance, please....trust me." Booth felt the violent shudder flow through Brennan's body, as he whispered soothingly into her ear. He was worried that she would get really sick from being in the freezing shower so long.
"Yes, you will..." Temperance thought to herself. "NO. You're not responsible for me...." Brennan began to struggle against his chest until he let her go. She stumbled out of the shower dragging her weighed down legs toward the bathroom door.
Booth reached Brennan before she could exit the bathroom. He grabbed her hand and turned her to face him. He had never seen her look so broken and vulnerable. His mind flashed back to the picture of her as a 15 year old girl that he'd found in the missing persons file on her parents. The same picture that had found its way into his wallet. She looked so happy in that picture. She'd told him that she was looking up at her brother when her mother snapped it. How could they just leave her? "I don't care what kind of trouble I was in, I never would have abandoned my daughter, not Temperance. This is what she must have looked like, when she came down for Christmas and realized they were never coming back." Booth reflected to himself.
Brennan watched as Booth's eyes shifted with emotion, they were so easy for her to read. She knew that he was genuinely concerned about her, but she couldn't allow herself to feel it. All she felt was that same rejection creeping back in. She felt him shift his hand as he intertwined his fingers with hers. He tugged on her hand pulling her back towards him. She was trying to keep her emotions in check, but just being in his presence, seeing how much he wanted to comfort her and take away her pain only proved to make her feel more alienated. She turned her head away from his pensive gaze as fresh tears materialized in her eyes. She felt so ashamed and ridiculous for feeling so let down and bereft by people who had abandoned her before. "I've been here before, why should this time be any different." She silently lectured.
"You can talk to me. I won't judge you, I promise. There's no shame in being hurt, Temperance." Booth voiced Brennan’s insecurities as he let go of her hand and grabbed her shoulders.
Brennan shook her head and turned away from him. It was all too much, her father coming back into her life and then both he and Russ leaving her behind again. Brennan stumbled to the wall opposite Booth and rested her head against it. The image of Russ and her dad driving away flashed in her mind and she closed her eyes against it. She began to cry in earnest and the emotions terrified her. She began to sink to the bathroom floor once more and Booth caught her from behind. He turned her to face him witnessing her unravel.
"Let me help you, Temperance…" Booth pleaded with her once again. His own emotions pressing forward as he watched her in pain.
"You….you can’t…" Brennan whispered her voice hoarse from crying so much.
"Let me try……tell me what you need. Please." He tried to get through to her again. He needed to help her, for his own sake. Seeing her in so much visible pain was taking it’s toll on him as well, clouding his reserve.
"I just …..want to feel …..something, anything besides this pain…this rejection. " Her blue eyes looked into his amber ones pleadingly.
Booth’s heart was shredding for Brennan. He just wanted to take away all her pain. Her eyes were always his undoing and right now they were so desperately desolate. He closed his arms around her body and cradled her head under his chin. He kissed her forehead and began to whisper softly to her.
"It’s OK. You don’t have to hurt anymore. I’m right here….I promise." His voice determined to penetrate the emotional fog she was in.
Dissolved Girl
Brennan felt so safe and so secure, she could almost believe that Booth wouldn’t leave her. She snuggled her cold nose against his neck and breathed in his aftershave. The smell of him wrapped around her and soothed her ravaged spirit. Her skin began to tingle and she shivered. Booth’s arms tightened around her and he lifted his head from atop hers to look down at her upturned face. He saw the trust hiding in her eyes, she was beginning to believe him. Booth pressed his lips to Brennan’s forehead and she closed her eyes to the sensation against her tender skin. He then kissed the side of her temple, he could feel it throbbing against her skin. He slowly moved his face lower to kiss each closed eye lid. He kissed the tip of her nose and she then opened her eyes. Brennan felt the air between them begin to shift. They were on the precipice of change and Booth was poised staring at her mesmerized by her flushed pink lips. Brennan watched in wonderment as his gaze lingered on her mouth. She was so tired, so tired of feeling so alone, so empty. She felt so drawn into his warmth, the security that he provided dangled within her reach. Her body willfully inched closer. There were only a few millimeters between their mouths. Booth’s mind wandered to previously that same day, outside the diner before he joined her inside, he’d wanted to kiss her, but kept those feelings at bay. He watched her mouth as her tongue darted out to lick her lips. His hands gripped her lower back tightly as he prepared himself for her to pull away. Brennan, consumed by her pain, with the guard she kept around her heart dissolved at her feet, closed the last few millimeters between them and softly pressed her lips to his.
Shame, such a shame
I think I kind of lost myself again
Day, yesterday
Really should be leaving but I stay
Booth stood there absorbing Brennan’s hesitant kiss, her lips soft and pliable under his. He couldn’t move, he could barely breathe. He knew this would change their relationship, but he needed to soothe the ache within her, not just for her, but for him too. He moved his hands from the small of her back and rubbed soothingly up her spine.
Brennan’s hands moved to Booth’s shoulders and she pulled him closer into the kiss changing the pace. Booth slipped his tongue out to caress the tender flesh of her bottom lip. She arched her back at the sensation and gasped for air, effectively pulling his tongue into her mouth. The feel of his tongue caressing the inside of her mouth sent shock waves throughout her body and she shivered.
Say, say my name
I need a little love to ease the pain
I need a little love to ease the pain
It's easy to remember when it came
Booth’s hands moved into her still wet hair and pulled her even closer angling her head so he could deepen the kiss. His tongue dueled with hers as the temperature between them steadily increased. An enthralled whimper escaped Brennan’s throat and further incited Booth and the situation became lost to both of them. He couldn’t think, couldn’t process what was happening, she felt so good to him in his arms. He never wanted to let her go. Booth turned her against the wall encasing her back against it. His mouth reluctantly pulled away from hers and he began to rain tiny kisses against her jaw line, moving to her throat.
'Cause it feels like I've been
I've been here before
You are not my savior
But I still don't go
Brennan moaned, the feeling of his lips caressing the flesh at her throat shot sparks straight to her core. Her body was reacting so wantonly to his attentions. She couldn’t think, couldn’t process what was happening. She wanted him, needed him to ease the pain.
"Please…….make it stop……..make the pain stop….." Brennan unknowingly pleaded.
Booth raised his head to look into her eyes once again. They were pleading with him, pleading with him to make her forget, even if just for a little while. Her eyes begged him to make her feel something, anything besides the pain of her family leaving her again, anything besides the rejection…..Booth closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Making up his mind he put one arm under her legs and hoisted her up into his arms. Brennan leaned her head against Booth’s chest while he carried her into her bedroom. Booth stopped in front of her bed and let Brennan’s legs go and stood her in front of him. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, absent tears slid down her cheeks. He cupped her chin in his hand and began to whisper to her.
Feels like something
That I've done before
I could fake it
But I still want more
"It’s OK….I’m right here….I’ll make it stop….I promise." Booth pulled her mouth towards his and gave her a kiss as equally as soft as the one she’d given him in the bathroom.
Brennan opened her mouth to dance her tongue around his. She savored the taste of him. Her hand went to his chest and glided over his unrelenting form. He slid his hands under the hem of her saturated blouse and peeled it up her body and off of her arms. After tossing it to the floor his eyes landed on her breasts, her chest rising and falling in rapid succession. He could see her pert rose colored nipples through her transparent bra and counseled himself. "Slow down Seeley, this isn’t about you."
Fade, made to fade
Passion's overrated anyway
Say, say my name
I need a little love to ease the pain
I need a little love to ease the pain
It's easy to remember when it came
Brennan could see the restraint evident in his eyes, she didn’t want him to think, she didn’t want to allow themselves time to think about anything, except right now. She slid her hands under the hem of his black t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Then she grabbed the waist band of his jeans and unsnapped them. Booth closed his eyes to the sensation of Brennan pulling down the zipper over his increasing erection. She stole inside his jeans and gripped him, making him shudder mindlessly. He reached for the fastening of her saturated jeans and stripped them off of her body, leaving her clad in only her bra and panties. Brennan backed up until she landed across her mahogany bed she pulled Booth by his jeans toward her, then pushed them down his hips. Booth kicked his shoes away along with the pants then joined Brennan on her bed still clad in his boxers.
'Cause it feels like I've been
I've been here before
You are not my savior
But I still don't go, oh
He laid next to her and reclaimed her mouth, kissing her fervently. His hands moved behind her back and expertly unclasped her bra. He peeled the damp material from her body and replaced it with his hands. The flesh of her breast felt like silk to him. Brennan writhed under his ministrations and whimpered as he released her mouth. His lips moved to her bare shoulders and caressed her with downy kisses. She panted as his hand gently traced a pathway to her abdomen and delved into her panties. He continued to kiss a path down her body until he reached the tops of her breast, lingering there to savor the taste of her. Her body was kindling igniting to the flame in his lips. Booth’s fingertips tinged the satiny hair at her apex and Brennan opened herself to his exploration. Her body arched higher and he moved his lips to her nipple finally taking the aching peak into his mouth. She moaned deep in the back of her throat, her mind devoid of all reason. She slid her arms around his back and encouraged him on top of her. As his body settled over hers he looked down into her disconsolate eyes for approval.
I feel like something
That I've done before
I could fake it
But I still want more, oh.
"Temperance…." Booth hesitated, his hand resting at the waistband of her panties.
"Please, Seeley….." Brennan whispered as she pulled him down on top of her rejoining their mouths.