Writer's Block: Change for the Better over a Decade
I've learned to stand up for myself more in the last 10 years. I was a lot more "honor-bound' before - I had a few "friends" use my 'honor' against me that way (basically, if I give my word, I keep it, I don't do wrong for wrong and I try to do good things to others even when they are jerks) - I got a lot of bad treatment for that, but a couple of truly lousy experiences with people who took advantage have taught me that it's better for my mental and spiritual health to just walk away from those who are not true and real friends, and to give that 'honor' to my deserving real friends - and I'm stronger for not putting up with the bullshit from the fake people.
The situation with family is (and has been) much more complex; if I were not only one of two {relatively} healthy and able bodied individuals in my little branch of the family - I'd have run away screaming by now with my mom and grandmother... but they are finally understanding that I'm a grownup with my own desires, needs and wants... the relationships are still thorny, but there is still caring... I've learned to assert myself more and say "no" occasionally in the last decade.
I've found that I don't have to fall to the level of individuals trying to knife me in the back - I can just choose to walk away and let it go. The decision to do that and NOT hurt myself (the wiccan saying of "if (as long as) it harms no one, do as you will - the no one DOES include you, the doer) is probably the biggest growth of self and self esteem I've managed, and it took a lot to get there emotionally.
I am not so sure about *changing for the better* - but I am a stronger person in every way than I was a decade ago.
The situation with family is (and has been) much more complex; if I were not only one of two {relatively} healthy and able bodied individuals in my little branch of the family - I'd have run away screaming by now with my mom and grandmother... but they are finally understanding that I'm a grownup with my own desires, needs and wants... the relationships are still thorny, but there is still caring... I've learned to assert myself more and say "no" occasionally in the last decade.
I've found that I don't have to fall to the level of individuals trying to knife me in the back - I can just choose to walk away and let it go. The decision to do that and NOT hurt myself (the wiccan saying of "if (as long as) it harms no one, do as you will - the no one DOES include you, the doer) is probably the biggest growth of self and self esteem I've managed, and it took a lot to get there emotionally.
I am not so sure about *changing for the better* - but I am a stronger person in every way than I was a decade ago.