Is it safe to look within and erase all that's been and all that's been between...
I was broken. I saw Weasley. There isn't a baby. I'm somewhere between being happy about that and being sad. I'm not broken anymore though. I feel like I can be fixed - that I will someday be perfect - it's just a process. I think I need a Head Healer - but if Val needs one wouldn't it just be fitting that his other half does too? You don't become best friends with someone obviously mental without needing a therapist too.
I locked everyone out. I changed the wards. Yes, yes, I remember being livid when Val did the same thing when he broke - but this was different.... all right, it wasn't - but my mother came to find me when I was broken and as strange as it sounds... I was glad for it. I've been wrong about a lot of things. She's trying to help fix me. Instead of just keeping things on the surface we actually talked. I realized that I don't want it to be the way it was before with her. I don't want that kind of life or that kind of relationship with her. She's staying with me for a while. I told her she could go back to Belgium... but she said she wanted to stay. It's strange having her living in the Park with me again... but then it's not.
I'm actually quite relieved to have her here now that we've walked into our own ghost story. Vinnie didn't die. He was here. I was so happy to see him, I hugged him and made him come in to tea. He said he missed us. He was wonderful and charming and sweet, and it wasn't until Draco came by yesterday that I realized he was never wonderful and charming and sweet with me. He was cold and sterile and put up with me because Val would have killed him otherwise.
I just want to believe he's changed. That he's had enough of all the evil and the horror. He even sent me flowers. But both Draco and Greg say it's all a lie. That he's trying to hurt me. I just can't- well... there is really no reason for him to hurt me now is there? Unless it was to hurt Val, and then it would be wiser to hurt River, not me. I don't know. I'll worry about it tomorrow. I think I'm going to agree to go out with him. I promised both boys that I'd not let him into the house again... but I didn't say anything about not seeing him again. And I Draco taught me a brilliant curse yesterday in case I need to rip him to shreds. Not sure if I could use it on Vinnie... but I could try if I had to.
I finally went into public last night. Simone made me. Potter, Mr. Wanker, left her in the lurch. We went to a charity ball for orphaned children or some other such rot and I never felt more awkward than when I saw Jared Vaisey coming toward us. He's a letch and I'm creeped out beyond words that Simone has shagged him not once... but TWICE - ACH! Probably three times now. It was cold of me, but I took his arrival - and the security of one Tristan Bole - to help me escape. I left her with him, but I'm glad I did. My feet were killing me, I wasn't ready to go out as it was (all those people...) and I had Val here at the Park when I got home anyway so it was better to be home anyway.
Apparently, he has a mad affection for Potter's messy hair and doesn't approve that Daphs and I are still doing our knicker challenges. Rest assured... I will triumph there. I also learnt that River has perfected her hexes. Always good to know. Remind me to never get on her bad side.
Now.. just to face the world this week. I think I ought to owl Pansy about lunch on Tuesday, Glenlivet to see if I can go riding this week, and wake up Val now. He'll never believe me, but he's snoring and it's starting to scare the house-elves.
I locked everyone out. I changed the wards. Yes, yes, I remember being livid when Val did the same thing when he broke - but this was different.... all right, it wasn't - but my mother came to find me when I was broken and as strange as it sounds... I was glad for it. I've been wrong about a lot of things. She's trying to help fix me. Instead of just keeping things on the surface we actually talked. I realized that I don't want it to be the way it was before with her. I don't want that kind of life or that kind of relationship with her. She's staying with me for a while. I told her she could go back to Belgium... but she said she wanted to stay. It's strange having her living in the Park with me again... but then it's not.
I'm actually quite relieved to have her here now that we've walked into our own ghost story. Vinnie didn't die. He was here. I was so happy to see him, I hugged him and made him come in to tea. He said he missed us. He was wonderful and charming and sweet, and it wasn't until Draco came by yesterday that I realized he was never wonderful and charming and sweet with me. He was cold and sterile and put up with me because Val would have killed him otherwise.
I just want to believe he's changed. That he's had enough of all the evil and the horror. He even sent me flowers. But both Draco and Greg say it's all a lie. That he's trying to hurt me. I just can't- well... there is really no reason for him to hurt me now is there? Unless it was to hurt Val, and then it would be wiser to hurt River, not me. I don't know. I'll worry about it tomorrow. I think I'm going to agree to go out with him. I promised both boys that I'd not let him into the house again... but I didn't say anything about not seeing him again. And I Draco taught me a brilliant curse yesterday in case I need to rip him to shreds. Not sure if I could use it on Vinnie... but I could try if I had to.
I finally went into public last night. Simone made me. Potter, Mr. Wanker, left her in the lurch. We went to a charity ball for orphaned children or some other such rot and I never felt more awkward than when I saw Jared Vaisey coming toward us. He's a letch and I'm creeped out beyond words that Simone has shagged him not once... but TWICE - ACH! Probably three times now. It was cold of me, but I took his arrival - and the security of one Tristan Bole - to help me escape. I left her with him, but I'm glad I did. My feet were killing me, I wasn't ready to go out as it was (all those people...) and I had Val here at the Park when I got home anyway so it was better to be home anyway.
Apparently, he has a mad affection for Potter's messy hair and doesn't approve that Daphs and I are still doing our knicker challenges. Rest assured... I will triumph there. I also learnt that River has perfected her hexes. Always good to know. Remind me to never get on her bad side.
Now.. just to face the world this week. I think I ought to owl Pansy about lunch on Tuesday, Glenlivet to see if I can go riding this week, and wake up Val now. He'll never believe me, but he's snoring and it's starting to scare the house-elves.