(no subject)
i don't know why i keep coming back to write in here. i guess it's my best option. ever since i graduated, my life has been 100% surreal and i don't know when it's going to feel like reality again. i don't really care either way but i wonder which one i'll like more. about two weeks ago, i gave up trying to determine where my life would go. let me clarify, i still feel like i have a hand in it and i could never justify giving up nor do i want to. but, i suddenly realized that i have absolutely no say in exactly what happens in my future. people who told you otherwise when you were little were lying. and once again i have to clarify that this IS NOT the same as when people give up. i really can't stand when people do that. and i can finally say that because trust me i've got reason to. i can't completely explain the difference. maybe that will come later. i do get it. sometimes i want to live off of sleeping pills. i just know i couldn't do it forever.