At a friend's expense...
Disclaimer: Though this tactic of communication is occasionally featured in sitcoms, movies, books, and at times real life, the individual herein referred to as a friend does not denote Tracey herself. I'm protecting this dear friend from embarrassment and possible 'harassment' though she does know who she is and that I was most-likely going to write a post on this incident because it had me (and another mutual friend) practically in tears of mirth. She wouldn't let me copy the actual letter, though, so we'll go with a paraphrased and very slightly exaggerated version.
My friend recently received a package in the mail containing a belated birthday card, a letter, and a home-created cd. These were from a former co-worker, a long-married and around 45-ish aged man. The birthday card was innocent enough, with exception of the "Hope to see you soon!" emblazoned immediately before George's (as we're going to call him, though not his real-life name) signature.
The letter from George did not contain any semblance of innocence in gesture. I'll give you the commentated, roughly paraphrased, and (suspicions would have you believe) drug-induced message:
"Dear Tracey's friend,
I made the enclosed cd for you, a Special Lady. I began recording music at the early age of 18 months. Recently, though [as I'm at least 45 years of age now], I have been working on self-written songs. When I saw you last month, though, and spoke to you about these efforts, you inspired me to compile some classic [love] songs in another project of a cd. I still continued to work on the self project. (I, Tracey, died laughing right here...for some reason.) My musical journey all began when I was invited to perform with the Founder Sisters. [I enjoy long walks on the beach and long cuddle sessions.] From then on, I have been working on music of my own, country, in fact. (This would be were illegal substances got a great deal of use.) I do not plan to sign or record on my own, but I still send the occasional song to record companies and producers down in Nashville in hopes they will use my songs. The song I wrote for you, found the on cd [in case you missed that], is country as well. (There was a lot more redundancy, but I can't seem to do the humor of it justice.)
I apologize for forgetting the exact day and hour of your birth (at which point my friend snorted and added, "as if I even had a clue when his was"), but I hope this cd [declaring my undying love] makes up for my forgetfulness and lateness.
I do hope you enjoy this special [and intentionally romantic though I'm a married man] compilation. Please let me know what you think of it [and if you return my love] soon. You are indeed a Special Lady, my dearest Tracey's Friend.
My love and birthday wishes,
George"
Then we looked at the cd. The song list was filled with various country love songs, as I was informed by the other two girls, and some other classics like "Bridge Over Troubled Water" (innocent enough when alone), "Unchained Melody," and "When a Man Loves a Woman."
Then we listened to the song that George himself had written and recorded in his basement (I forget to put that tibit in my version of the letter) with I believe was the one titled "Special Lady." It was hysterical, but apparently Travis Someone-or-other (some country music 'artist' - I use the word loosely) would be able to make it a hit. At some point I was hitting my forehead against the door and muttering things like "I'm going to cry from laughing." The irony of this is that the song at that moment, in George's vocal perfection, rang out "Don't cry." My poor friend. She felt awful. Oh, and then our other friend and I noticed the wedding ring on his finger in the picture on the back of the cd - perfect icing on the cake. And the front cover had a picture of George with a 'come hither' sort of look that left us rolling in laughter.
All in all, though George didn't realize it, all this was an exercise in ridiculousness and practice to perfect his stalking capabilities.
I totally didn't do the retelling justice, but I hope you all get a laugh nonetheless. It is somewhat at my friend's (and certianly George's) expense, but I'm sorry, I just can't help it this time.
Well, I'm off to cart some binders and boxes around. Oh, and we're having a bit of a birthday celebration today for my secretary. Yay! I made fruit salad and this strawberry dessert with a marshmallow and whipped cream concoction that didn't quite set like it was supposed to. Oh well, I'm sure it will taste good whether we have to eat it from bowls or plates. You see, my secretary doesn't like cake or things generally made with lots of flour or sugar...
Anyhow, I hope you all have a lovely, smile-filled, and amusing Friday!