(no subject)
*I was up and writing this last night after watching the film 'The Butterfly effect', it just got me thinking* - this will be posted in my blog on here.
They say the tiniest of actions can/may/wil have the most monumental consequences throughout the entire course of your life. Every choice you make, or action you take, every drawing you do, or every person you talk to will change you, your life, and change, in theory, the wole world - the lives of every person that is in it. They say it's a small world. I'm now beginning to reailse how small it really is.
With my life, had i not done or said a certain thing would i still be here now, would i know the people i know, have the dreams i dream?
Lets start from the beginning and see just how far this could go.
- Had I NOT been born 4 months early - would i have been born with the body, with the looks that i have? If not - would i still have been bullied for 4 years in high school? Would people still confuse me for a bloke sometimes?!
-If not - would my confidence have sunk so low? Would I have sunk into that hideous cycle of depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm?
-If not - would i still have the awesome friends that i have now?
-had i not had to quit self-harming like i did the 1st time around - would my parents have asked questions about it? would they have ried to understand - rather than shut it away like it never happened? Would i have fallen back into self harm again, 8 months later, to be left with scars, and grudges against teachers for how the situation was handled when i came to choose to quit and quit permananently?
-Had i not been bullied for 4 years - would i be closer to my parents now? more specifically, my dad?
-Had i not been bullied - would i be a lot girlier now? I live in jeans - never shorts/skirts/dresses. Would i be so self conscious of my own body, even though i know that it isnt bad? Would i still hate, in some ways, that i was slim - tiny - or would i have embraced it? Flaunted it?
-Would i have met my friends? Would ihave learnt hate things i have from them? Would there be anyone to turn to now or would i still feel so terribly alone?
-Had i not ever self-harmed - had i not ever had the idea implanted in my head 2/3 years previously - would i be a smoker now? having almost used it to replace SH...or would i still be so very against it?
-If i hadn't picked up and smoked that 1st cigarrette, would i have gone back to self harm again for the 3rd time - have fallen back into the old way to cope?
-If i didnt already know how hard it is to quit something - would i have quit smoking by now?
-Had i not met my GCSE math teacher - would i still be hating maths, fearing it, and still not be able to do it?
-Would i be so desperate to teach the subject now?
-But then...if i didnt want to teach - would i be in training to be in hair dressing or beauty therapy now?
-Would i still be getting angry at my parents for making me lookinto primary teaching, instead of high school? Or would i have taken the advice and used it?
-Would i be as happy and as generally confident as i am now if i hadn't have fallen into the depression route.
-Would i be sitting here - if absolutely none of that happened as it did - writing this at nearly 1am
-Would i have a huge need to learn, question and argue others opinions, or facts, untill im proved wrong? Would i be as stubborn now? Or as opinionated?
-Or as flirtatious, smiley, understanding, happy, interested in learning and questioning, or as excited, if i hadnt know exactly what its like to be at the bottom of the barrel?
Do you ever wonder what it would be like to travel back in time? To be able to rectify a wrong you once did? Of course! Everyone has, at least once - but have you ever wondered at the life changing consequences those changes could make? Not just to you - but to absolutely everybody! Can you imaging the lost connections there may be? YOu could walk dow nthe street and see someone, and they may not realise that you might have known each other once, maybe for 15 years, and would it have been even longer, ifyou had not changed time? Can you live with that? Knowing you may have lost friends, or lost family - or maybe you'll have inadvertantly killed someone in your time travels - and someone who means the world to you could already be dead and you'll never have got the chance to say goodbye. Such guilt to live with - knwoing that you may have made a life worse for someone - or everyone? All your friends, and family.
Just think. Every choice, however insignificant it may seem - there are different routes heading from it - what choice will have you living a life of luxury 10 years later - and what choice could leave you alone and in the gutter. and what consequences will the choice you make have on those around you?
T
They say the tiniest of actions can/may/wil have the most monumental consequences throughout the entire course of your life. Every choice you make, or action you take, every drawing you do, or every person you talk to will change you, your life, and change, in theory, the wole world - the lives of every person that is in it. They say it's a small world. I'm now beginning to reailse how small it really is.
With my life, had i not done or said a certain thing would i still be here now, would i know the people i know, have the dreams i dream?
Lets start from the beginning and see just how far this could go.
- Had I NOT been born 4 months early - would i have been born with the body, with the looks that i have? If not - would i still have been bullied for 4 years in high school? Would people still confuse me for a bloke sometimes?!
-If not - would my confidence have sunk so low? Would I have sunk into that hideous cycle of depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm?
-If not - would i still have the awesome friends that i have now?
-had i not had to quit self-harming like i did the 1st time around - would my parents have asked questions about it? would they have ried to understand - rather than shut it away like it never happened? Would i have fallen back into self harm again, 8 months later, to be left with scars, and grudges against teachers for how the situation was handled when i came to choose to quit and quit permananently?
-Had i not been bullied for 4 years - would i be closer to my parents now? more specifically, my dad?
-Had i not been bullied - would i be a lot girlier now? I live in jeans - never shorts/skirts/dresses. Would i be so self conscious of my own body, even though i know that it isnt bad? Would i still hate, in some ways, that i was slim - tiny - or would i have embraced it? Flaunted it?
-Would i have met my friends? Would ihave learnt hate things i have from them? Would there be anyone to turn to now or would i still feel so terribly alone?
-Had i not ever self-harmed - had i not ever had the idea implanted in my head 2/3 years previously - would i be a smoker now? having almost used it to replace SH...or would i still be so very against it?
-If i hadn't picked up and smoked that 1st cigarrette, would i have gone back to self harm again for the 3rd time - have fallen back into the old way to cope?
-If i didnt already know how hard it is to quit something - would i have quit smoking by now?
-Had i not met my GCSE math teacher - would i still be hating maths, fearing it, and still not be able to do it?
-Would i be so desperate to teach the subject now?
-But then...if i didnt want to teach - would i be in training to be in hair dressing or beauty therapy now?
-Would i still be getting angry at my parents for making me lookinto primary teaching, instead of high school? Or would i have taken the advice and used it?
-Would i be as happy and as generally confident as i am now if i hadn't have fallen into the depression route.
-Would i be sitting here - if absolutely none of that happened as it did - writing this at nearly 1am
-Would i have a huge need to learn, question and argue others opinions, or facts, untill im proved wrong? Would i be as stubborn now? Or as opinionated?
-Or as flirtatious, smiley, understanding, happy, interested in learning and questioning, or as excited, if i hadnt know exactly what its like to be at the bottom of the barrel?
Do you ever wonder what it would be like to travel back in time? To be able to rectify a wrong you once did? Of course! Everyone has, at least once - but have you ever wondered at the life changing consequences those changes could make? Not just to you - but to absolutely everybody! Can you imaging the lost connections there may be? YOu could walk dow nthe street and see someone, and they may not realise that you might have known each other once, maybe for 15 years, and would it have been even longer, ifyou had not changed time? Can you live with that? Knowing you may have lost friends, or lost family - or maybe you'll have inadvertantly killed someone in your time travels - and someone who means the world to you could already be dead and you'll never have got the chance to say goodbye. Such guilt to live with - knwoing that you may have made a life worse for someone - or everyone? All your friends, and family.
Just think. Every choice, however insignificant it may seem - there are different routes heading from it - what choice will have you living a life of luxury 10 years later - and what choice could leave you alone and in the gutter. and what consequences will the choice you make have on those around you?
T