Pills to make me sleep and pills to wake me up and pills to make me happy.
I feel super empty right now. I miss being depressed, well not exactly but it's hard to explain. That's all i was, and now i'm not, it's like there's nothing left of me. Perhaps i'm just full of self pity bullshit... i don't know. I just don't feel too crash hot right now. I took some dexys half an hour ago, still havn't kicked in, but i'm not use to taking dexy's so i'm not sure how many i need to take to feel speedy and good. I've got pills to make me sleep and pills to wake me up and pills to make me happy. That's probably a very unhealthy lifestyle.
Oh well. I had a fun last few days, although for some reason i was starting to get that stomach ache and feeling of dread i get before i start getting depressed, it makes no sense cause i've been taking my tablets... but there it was, and now i'm scared. but also kind of excited in this sick way. I don't know, maybe it's just i want something i just don't know what it is. I just feel really empty like there's something really big missing. For now i'll just fill that unexplained hole with pills and alcahol and friends.
Speaking of friends.... it's hard to give all my friends the attention and time i wish i could give them. I'm such a bad friend.. i know that... i need to make more time, more effort... (wow i feel them kicking in) ... more love et cetera. I need to get off my fat arse and spend time with those i love. Which i have been doing.... but ... well... it's hard to make time for everybody ... which makes me sound haha really full of myself.... but it's true... and esp. since most of my friends have jobs and school and uni and the such. Blergh.
Saturday was alright.... i think i had more fun getting dressed up with Prew before hand then i did at the actual club... but it was still a really good night, the bad thing i think was the sad lack of money so we couldnt' get really pissed *pout* But the DJ was beautiful and although he started out playing some god awful tracks... he was very open to suggestion and obliged t our requests .Thanks to Prews subtlety haha i made out with a (skuppy)boy at excom just b4 i left, which was fun, brief but fun.
Most people were on X... it was cute but the look on Prews face was priceless.... i don't think they noticed how much they were annoying her though :P ahhh the wonders of drugs . I saw Tom again..... god i miss him... and seeing him again just made me feel so nostalgic.... imust make a point of spending time with him (again with the time!)
I'm so goddamn fucking lucky to have the friends i have and i love them all so bloody much and i try to be a good friend it's just so hard ...... most of them ahve seen me through the worst times in my life(so far...haha mz optimism) and i hope they know i want to be there for them too.... although i never know what to say.... you're sitting there and they're telling you their deepest fears and experience and you have no idea what to say... wishing that the brainy gods will give you some sort of witty yet encouraging thing to say to them to make them feel better. BLAH!
I'm getting ever so slightly better at drawing on my eyebrows which is so exciting.... i know it's sad.... but they're really hard to do i swear! Everybody was giving me complaiments about how beautiful i was on saturday... ok ok so it was the people on X and they would probably have said the same thing if i came in looking my worst..... but it was still an ego boost :P
So in conclusion... people on X rock because they think you're the most wonderful beautiful thing they're ever seen ....for about 5 minutes.... plus they make Prew put on her cute angry/frustrated/annoyed/stabby face .....sorry Prew... but it really is cute. *hides*
I am home now...... feeling all speedy ! yay! wishing i had of stayed at Prews now.... we could have drunk goon... and played monopoly....... and watched family guy! Oh and on my way home i went to get a drink at macca with my last $2.60 in the bank... and my card was declined.... twice..... it was embarressing...... i had checked my balance seconds before...... he was nice and said i could just pay him back another time... but i still felt poor and stupid.
I can't wait till my boots gfet here..... oh ohoh oh ohhhh they shall be GREAT!
They're all knee high and buckley with big platform sole.
Hehehe It's come to point form because i can't stay on one topic :P
I can't wait to modify and make my new jacket 'mine' ... thinking of going to the shop thingo in wooloowin and getting lots of studs and going on the net and getting a cinema strange patch and bllaaaaahhhhh so excited .... which is lame..... no it's not lame.... just voicing it is lame..... i am lame... lame lame lame.... but would you want me any other way?
.....actually probably yes
.......... I have only 25 minutes until my off peak downloading can begin YAY! i'm gonna download the rest of corpse bride and be the first of all YOU to see it! *MWAHAA* And some more spaced...nothing like good old fashioned english comedies. Does comedies have an ie? or is it comedys? Dictionary.com is my best friend.
Wow i should get dexys off dad more often.... it's good to just write and write and write.... i think i'll take them when i start exercising again... i mean...... it'll help a fuckload
Cat and Aarons next Saturday :) for drinks and intellectual conversation and perhaps some trivial pursuit
"Peter, what colour is a fire engine?" *giggle*
Only Prew, my cousin and skitz are online.... Prews busy, my cousin...well i havn't got much to say to him:P, and i don't talk to skitz cause he was mean to Akhen..... so methinks i should watch some more the dick van dyke show.
Tar tar.......
Oh well. I had a fun last few days, although for some reason i was starting to get that stomach ache and feeling of dread i get before i start getting depressed, it makes no sense cause i've been taking my tablets... but there it was, and now i'm scared. but also kind of excited in this sick way. I don't know, maybe it's just i want something i just don't know what it is. I just feel really empty like there's something really big missing. For now i'll just fill that unexplained hole with pills and alcahol and friends.
Speaking of friends.... it's hard to give all my friends the attention and time i wish i could give them. I'm such a bad friend.. i know that... i need to make more time, more effort... (wow i feel them kicking in) ... more love et cetera. I need to get off my fat arse and spend time with those i love. Which i have been doing.... but ... well... it's hard to make time for everybody ... which makes me sound haha really full of myself.... but it's true... and esp. since most of my friends have jobs and school and uni and the such. Blergh.
Saturday was alright.... i think i had more fun getting dressed up with Prew before hand then i did at the actual club... but it was still a really good night, the bad thing i think was the sad lack of money so we couldnt' get really pissed *pout* But the DJ was beautiful and although he started out playing some god awful tracks... he was very open to suggestion and obliged t our requests .Thanks to Prews subtlety haha i made out with a (skuppy)boy at excom just b4 i left, which was fun, brief but fun.
Most people were on X... it was cute but the look on Prews face was priceless.... i don't think they noticed how much they were annoying her though :P ahhh the wonders of drugs . I saw Tom again..... god i miss him... and seeing him again just made me feel so nostalgic.... imust make a point of spending time with him (again with the time!)
I'm so goddamn fucking lucky to have the friends i have and i love them all so bloody much and i try to be a good friend it's just so hard ...... most of them ahve seen me through the worst times in my life(so far...haha mz optimism) and i hope they know i want to be there for them too.... although i never know what to say.... you're sitting there and they're telling you their deepest fears and experience and you have no idea what to say... wishing that the brainy gods will give you some sort of witty yet encouraging thing to say to them to make them feel better. BLAH!
I'm getting ever so slightly better at drawing on my eyebrows which is so exciting.... i know it's sad.... but they're really hard to do i swear! Everybody was giving me complaiments about how beautiful i was on saturday... ok ok so it was the people on X and they would probably have said the same thing if i came in looking my worst..... but it was still an ego boost :P
So in conclusion... people on X rock because they think you're the most wonderful beautiful thing they're ever seen ....for about 5 minutes.... plus they make Prew put on her cute angry/frustrated/annoyed/stabby face .....sorry Prew... but it really is cute. *hides*
I am home now...... feeling all speedy ! yay! wishing i had of stayed at Prews now.... we could have drunk goon... and played monopoly....... and watched family guy! Oh and on my way home i went to get a drink at macca with my last $2.60 in the bank... and my card was declined.... twice..... it was embarressing...... i had checked my balance seconds before...... he was nice and said i could just pay him back another time... but i still felt poor and stupid.
I can't wait till my boots gfet here..... oh ohoh oh ohhhh they shall be GREAT!
They're all knee high and buckley with big platform sole.
Hehehe It's come to point form because i can't stay on one topic :P
I can't wait to modify and make my new jacket 'mine' ... thinking of going to the shop thingo in wooloowin and getting lots of studs and going on the net and getting a cinema strange patch and bllaaaaahhhhh so excited .... which is lame..... no it's not lame.... just voicing it is lame..... i am lame... lame lame lame.... but would you want me any other way?
.....actually probably yes
.......... I have only 25 minutes until my off peak downloading can begin YAY! i'm gonna download the rest of corpse bride and be the first of all YOU to see it! *MWAHAA* And some more spaced...nothing like good old fashioned english comedies. Does comedies have an ie? or is it comedys? Dictionary.com is my best friend.
Wow i should get dexys off dad more often.... it's good to just write and write and write.... i think i'll take them when i start exercising again... i mean...... it'll help a fuckload
Cat and Aarons next Saturday :) for drinks and intellectual conversation and perhaps some trivial pursuit
"Peter, what colour is a fire engine?" *giggle*
Only Prew, my cousin and skitz are online.... Prews busy, my cousin...well i havn't got much to say to him:P, and i don't talk to skitz cause he was mean to Akhen..... so methinks i should watch some more the dick van dyke show.
Tar tar.......