(no subject)
I will admit that it was $2.75 Long Island night at the Riv and after 2 in a little under an hour I am currently a little tipsy. With that said, forgive me for what I am about to write.
I closed Mongo tonight, then I went to the Riv with Lauren. She called me out on the way there saying that she knew I was hoping to see him there. I saw him yesterday for the first time since he's been back. I expected to see him and fall back under his spell. Instead, I felt a little sick to my stomach. I'm disgusted with myself for not seeing him for what he is to begin with, I'm disgusted with him for becoming my friend then treating me the way that he did. He used to go on and on about how he "wanted to be my boyfriend" yet somehow along the line I turned into the one who was being ignored. I'm a little worried about becoming trapped again, hopefully I am smarter than that. It upsets me that I was doing so well these last 2 months and now Im afraid of being unhappy merely because he is around. I don't want to get all pouty about it. I had a blast the past 3 weekends, I didn't think about him, I was happy and I've had my shit together. This couple was at the bar tonight. They looked so happy. They were obviously very into eachother. I know that I like to pretend Im all cynical and against couples, and I really hate to admit it but I couldn't help but be a little jealous.... I want THAT (they may have met 15 minutes before and will never talk after tonight but Im still gonna pretend they were a happy couple) . Where is the guy that wants me that much?
I closed Mongo tonight, then I went to the Riv with Lauren. She called me out on the way there saying that she knew I was hoping to see him there. I saw him yesterday for the first time since he's been back. I expected to see him and fall back under his spell. Instead, I felt a little sick to my stomach. I'm disgusted with myself for not seeing him for what he is to begin with, I'm disgusted with him for becoming my friend then treating me the way that he did. He used to go on and on about how he "wanted to be my boyfriend" yet somehow along the line I turned into the one who was being ignored. I'm a little worried about becoming trapped again, hopefully I am smarter than that. It upsets me that I was doing so well these last 2 months and now Im afraid of being unhappy merely because he is around. I don't want to get all pouty about it. I had a blast the past 3 weekends, I didn't think about him, I was happy and I've had my shit together. This couple was at the bar tonight. They looked so happy. They were obviously very into eachother. I know that I like to pretend Im all cynical and against couples, and I really hate to admit it but I couldn't help but be a little jealous.... I want THAT (they may have met 15 minutes before and will never talk after tonight but Im still gonna pretend they were a happy couple) . Where is the guy that wants me that much?