Amidst the pressures of finals and work this is what I need to get off my mind
He wanted me when he didn't think he could have me, but now what is going on? Everyone tells me that you need to play "the game". Fuck the game. I don't have the time or energy to play "the game". I don't have the patience to wait around for him to decide whether or not he wants me. If he wanted me he would know it and I would know that he did. Im not the biggest advocate of public displays of affection, and I dont really consider myself a needy attention whore... but there is a certain amount of attention I want from him. It may be childish and it may be selfish, but whatever. I deserve someone who wants to be around me as much as I want to be around him. I can't let myself settle this time. Been there, done that. It doesn't work out and Im too good for that. I should probably be telling HIM this instead of writing it in my fucking livejournal which I know he doesnt read. It's too early to have "THE TALK" "Where is this going?" I don't even need this to be something serious. I would be completely fine to let it be what it is if I just knew that he wanted me. I don't need this Hot & Cold crap. I don't need to be that psychotic girl (even though I probably am anyways) and in the effort of trying to save face for him Im going to just come off as a total jackass to all my friends who read this. I can't waste the first 2 months of my summer HOPING that this will turn into something when he gets back, it isnt healthy for me. I dont need to drive myself crazy over this anymore. So even though I know I will go back and forth from this decision a thousand times before he leaves, Im going to walk away from this and look elsewhere. Which is AWESOME because there have been a total of approx 3 boys all year who have held my interest at all...