(no subject)
It's been forever since Ive been this into someone, and I don't know if Ive ever been this into someone who I already had such a good friendship with. I thought this could actually happen and now all of a sudden it's 2 weeks later. It's not like we don't talk... and it's not like we don't mention what happened... life has just gotten in the way of us hanging out again and I don't know how to change that. Im afraid that my hesitance has fucked this up. What if he's over it now? Im afraid of everything right now; Letting him in, keeping him out, hurting him, and getting hurt. Doesn't this ever get easier? He's leaving in a month for the better part of the summer. Does that makes this better or worse? Is it possible that I am ACTUALLY doing this to myself again? This one is actually coming back, but I never fail to go after the ones I know are leaving. Im afraid that Im addicted to the pain and obsession of not getting what I want. Im addicted to the fantasy relationship. Im so used to things not working out that I don't even know how to go about MAKING it work out. Im pretty sure that I am insane.
"i'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find
without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?
and if you'd 'a took to me like
well i'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores
and the rest of our lives would 'a fared well"
"i'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find
without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?
and if you'd 'a took to me like
well i'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores
and the rest of our lives would 'a fared well"