Interview Meme
From
mal by way of my own request:
Here are the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you 5 questions of a personal nature.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.
1. You keep trying to get out of the computer industry, and keep coming back to it. Why is that?
My planning and nerve have so far been inadequate to it. As my avoidance strategy gets down to the wire, I panic, and that puts me on the "easy" path of returning to IT.
I guess that answers the second part of your question. As to why I keep boldly declaring I'm leaving it behind, I simply don't find it very rewarding for the cost in time, stress, etc., and it just does not seem like a good fit to me. Arguably I've been unlucky with employers too, but I've had enough not just unsatisfying but really toxic experiences that I'm not eager to trust anyone.
It's taken me a long time to look at positive alternatives rather than just focusing on the misery I feel within that career.
2. NVC is clearly extremely important to you. What is it that's hardest for you when trying to stick to its principles, and what's your strategy for dealing with it?
Generally I think the two most difficult things for me to cope with are my own hurtful self-talk and knowing whether, how, and when to intervene when I want to share NVC in a more critical kind of situation.
For the former, I'm never without my own company, and I've learned over many years some incredibly hateful, ineffective, yet deeply ingrained ways to "motivate" myself. This has seen huge improvement, but it's a daily struggle and one I doubt I will ever entirely undo. My strategy is to check HALT--am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?--and fix that first. Following and, really, at the same time, I try to just open up some patience by taking a breath and turn on the reasonable, curious NVC-talking guy that I am talented at offering to others. "Man,
tquid, you seem really wound up about this thing of what kind of bicycle will get you through the rest of your tour. What's up with that?" really beats "what the hell is wrong with me! Why can I never listen to my own needs!" etc.
And on the latter, I find myself lots of times near a conflict that is going in a way that sounds hurtful to my ears. I may not like the language, I may sense tension or pain, or I might be encountering classic stuff like raised voices. Sometimes it's friends or roommates, and sometimes relative strangers. Typically I don't do anything--I have a long history of being the "caring friend" who doesn't tend to his own needs and therefore gives help with strings attached. But at least some of these times I think I have what I need except the courage to just say something. I think the willingness to initiate a needed conflict--in short, butting in--is one of the areas I'd most like to have more skill. As for what I do, well, the times it has gone the way I wanted, I butt in with an observation and a request for clarification. "You seem pretty upset about this thing here and I'm noticing you both are getting louder--I don't want to stick my nose in where it's not wanted, but I am wondering, is this working for you? Are you OK with how things are going here?" That's the sort of thing I'd like to say. I'm not sure I've yet done it; in my last roommate situation, I offered mediation, but then decided that I was too involved and that I just didn't feel confident to carry it out. Always room for more training, eh?
3. I know your trip isn't over yet, but what has been the most rewarding aspect or experience of it to date?
Probably just learning to take it easier with myself while still insisting on staying focused on my goals. I have had more than one day where I took a break almost every mile, or even more than that, and fought hard with myself about whether I was being too "wimpy." But I kept getting back on my bike. Then of course I did the whole train thing and now I've got this hyper-extended bike-shopping business going on. All very difficult to be merciful with myself and hard to know what the right amount of pressure is.
Another would be the unexpected appreciation of nature. I found I don't like camping all that much, though I think I might like backpacker camping--the roadside stuff is very car and RV-centric. Anyway, I had a vague notion of "appreciation" but what has happened is an ability to be awed and refreshed by creatures, the water, wooded places, the play of light. This is something I could not have gotten without longer exposure and time to reflect and relax my usual worries.
Finally, of course, people have been great--never once has anyone bought into my self-abnegation. Practically every time when someone hears me going on about how I'm not "doing it right"--not enough miles in a day, or whatever--they insist that it's my trip and I get to shape it how I want. Complete strangers to this. There is definitely a certain magic to being on a pilgrimage of sorts and it's nice to be able to connect so quickly over that.
4. What has been the most frightening?
This is a funny one. What's been the most terrifying in terms of real risk has not been the hardest on my nerves. At one point on a mountain road I was passed within a couple feet by a big dump-truck; that wasn't so bad except that it was actually hauling two bins, the second of which seemed to miss me by inches. I did have to pull over, but my recollection is one mostly of annoyance. I feel really quite comfortable biking in the city, where I'm statistically the most likely to get killed.
Steeper downhills, on the other hand, have scared the crap out of me, even though I've been well in control on every one (usually leaning on the brakes and doing no more than 15 mph). I got the worst out of the way, mostly, on the Sunshine Coast. Parts of Whidby Island were pretty gnarly too.
5. What have you gotten out of this trip that you weren't looking for, or didn't anticipate? (The new 'bent doesn't count! :) )
A great deal of unexpected kindness, really. See above about my treatment by strangers, and of course being here with you and
paeyl! I knew I'd visit but I didn't think it would be this long and I didn't expect to have so much opportunity, ability, and willingness to be a help here. It's nice to be doing something that others appreciate that isn't anything to do with servers. The wordplay's been a big thing too.
And I may not do another long tour like this soon, but I suspect I've got the bug and my idea of a "long bike ride" is going to be forever changed and thus change what my life looks like.
Thanks for the questions!
mal by way of my own request:
Here are the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you 5 questions of a personal nature.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.
1. You keep trying to get out of the computer industry, and keep coming back to it. Why is that?
My planning and nerve have so far been inadequate to it. As my avoidance strategy gets down to the wire, I panic, and that puts me on the "easy" path of returning to IT.
I guess that answers the second part of your question. As to why I keep boldly declaring I'm leaving it behind, I simply don't find it very rewarding for the cost in time, stress, etc., and it just does not seem like a good fit to me. Arguably I've been unlucky with employers too, but I've had enough not just unsatisfying but really toxic experiences that I'm not eager to trust anyone.
It's taken me a long time to look at positive alternatives rather than just focusing on the misery I feel within that career.
2. NVC is clearly extremely important to you. What is it that's hardest for you when trying to stick to its principles, and what's your strategy for dealing with it?
Generally I think the two most difficult things for me to cope with are my own hurtful self-talk and knowing whether, how, and when to intervene when I want to share NVC in a more critical kind of situation.
For the former, I'm never without my own company, and I've learned over many years some incredibly hateful, ineffective, yet deeply ingrained ways to "motivate" myself. This has seen huge improvement, but it's a daily struggle and one I doubt I will ever entirely undo. My strategy is to check HALT--am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?--and fix that first. Following and, really, at the same time, I try to just open up some patience by taking a breath and turn on the reasonable, curious NVC-talking guy that I am talented at offering to others. "Man,
tquid, you seem really wound up about this thing of what kind of bicycle will get you through the rest of your tour. What's up with that?" really beats "what the hell is wrong with me! Why can I never listen to my own needs!" etc.
And on the latter, I find myself lots of times near a conflict that is going in a way that sounds hurtful to my ears. I may not like the language, I may sense tension or pain, or I might be encountering classic stuff like raised voices. Sometimes it's friends or roommates, and sometimes relative strangers. Typically I don't do anything--I have a long history of being the "caring friend" who doesn't tend to his own needs and therefore gives help with strings attached. But at least some of these times I think I have what I need except the courage to just say something. I think the willingness to initiate a needed conflict--in short, butting in--is one of the areas I'd most like to have more skill. As for what I do, well, the times it has gone the way I wanted, I butt in with an observation and a request for clarification. "You seem pretty upset about this thing here and I'm noticing you both are getting louder--I don't want to stick my nose in where it's not wanted, but I am wondering, is this working for you? Are you OK with how things are going here?" That's the sort of thing I'd like to say. I'm not sure I've yet done it; in my last roommate situation, I offered mediation, but then decided that I was too involved and that I just didn't feel confident to carry it out. Always room for more training, eh?
3. I know your trip isn't over yet, but what has been the most rewarding aspect or experience of it to date?
Probably just learning to take it easier with myself while still insisting on staying focused on my goals. I have had more than one day where I took a break almost every mile, or even more than that, and fought hard with myself about whether I was being too "wimpy." But I kept getting back on my bike. Then of course I did the whole train thing and now I've got this hyper-extended bike-shopping business going on. All very difficult to be merciful with myself and hard to know what the right amount of pressure is.
Another would be the unexpected appreciation of nature. I found I don't like camping all that much, though I think I might like backpacker camping--the roadside stuff is very car and RV-centric. Anyway, I had a vague notion of "appreciation" but what has happened is an ability to be awed and refreshed by creatures, the water, wooded places, the play of light. This is something I could not have gotten without longer exposure and time to reflect and relax my usual worries.
Finally, of course, people have been great--never once has anyone bought into my self-abnegation. Practically every time when someone hears me going on about how I'm not "doing it right"--not enough miles in a day, or whatever--they insist that it's my trip and I get to shape it how I want. Complete strangers to this. There is definitely a certain magic to being on a pilgrimage of sorts and it's nice to be able to connect so quickly over that.
4. What has been the most frightening?
This is a funny one. What's been the most terrifying in terms of real risk has not been the hardest on my nerves. At one point on a mountain road I was passed within a couple feet by a big dump-truck; that wasn't so bad except that it was actually hauling two bins, the second of which seemed to miss me by inches. I did have to pull over, but my recollection is one mostly of annoyance. I feel really quite comfortable biking in the city, where I'm statistically the most likely to get killed.
Steeper downhills, on the other hand, have scared the crap out of me, even though I've been well in control on every one (usually leaning on the brakes and doing no more than 15 mph). I got the worst out of the way, mostly, on the Sunshine Coast. Parts of Whidby Island were pretty gnarly too.
5. What have you gotten out of this trip that you weren't looking for, or didn't anticipate? (The new 'bent doesn't count! :) )
A great deal of unexpected kindness, really. See above about my treatment by strangers, and of course being here with you and
paeyl! I knew I'd visit but I didn't think it would be this long and I didn't expect to have so much opportunity, ability, and willingness to be a help here. It's nice to be doing something that others appreciate that isn't anything to do with servers. The wordplay's been a big thing too.
And I may not do another long tour like this soon, but I suspect I've got the bug and my idea of a "long bike ride" is going to be forever changed and thus change what my life looks like.
Thanks for the questions!