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Is there an artistic thing you've personally done and would like to share, anonymously?
This means pieces you've written, poems you have churned out, photographs you have captured, paintings you have drawn, comics you have rendered, etc.
This means pieces you've written, poems you have churned out, photographs you have captured, paintings you have drawn, comics you have rendered, etc.
Maybe I should explain a little more. I’ll bring the story back to the first day of kindergarten. There he was, this young, blossoming boy. So young, but already so attractive to me, this five year old girl. Nathan ****** , a boy who would become my first crush, my first love and my first broken heart in a matter of only eight years.
It took one glance at the beautiful blonde boy for me to fall instantly in “like” with him. I say like, because at five years old, who knows what love is. I came home after my first day of school and proudly announced to my mom, that I had met “the cutest boy in the whole world.” That is word for word what came out of my mouth.
Our friendship grew over the next few years because we were in the same class. I saw him every day during the school year, and if I was lucky, a few during the summer also. No, I wasn’t obsessed. I was just majorly crushing on him.
Like I said, Nathan was my first crush. I had crushes on the other boys in my class, of course. Infact, my fourth grade year, I held a crush on every boy in my class at one time or another, never losing interst in Nathan.
It wasn’t until sixth grade when I realized how serious this crush was. Seven years had passed. It didn’t help that we had become great friends. During our sixth grade year in Mrs. ******’ Fine Arts Magnet class, my feelings depend for Nathan.
I remember one day, Nathan telling me it never mattered to him what I looked like, because we were best friends. He said this because I asked one day, “Nate, why have you never asked why I have these scars on my lip?” His reply was, “It never mattered. You are one of my best friends.” That was the single most adoring comment ever made to me by a boy.
Towards the end of sixth grade, our class was doing a midevil project, in which I was heavily involved. My teacher gave me the honor of writing the two skits, based on Sir Galahad and the quest for the Holy Grail, and Robin Hood. Nathan was chosen for Robin Hood. I got to choose which skit I wanted to narrate, and I obviously chose “Robin Hood”. The next few weeks in preparation for our classes big night, I got to work close with Nathan.
On the night of our show, I watched Nathan, realizing maybe my feelings were gorwing into more than playground friendship.
Then came the final full day of sixth grade. It was a dreadfully rainy day. After school, I met with my best friend Amber, and we stood, looking at the sky. We started to walk and about half way across the field by school, we spotted Nathan, walking alone eating a Snowball. (The snack, not the stuff falling out of the sky). Amber and I hurried to catch up, since we walked the same way. Nate welcomed our company. Just as we hit the Vita Course, a long stretch of trees with paths that had diffrent exercises, rain started to pour. The three of us didn’t run for cover. Instead, we laughed and enjoyed the rain together. I remember standing under a gutter and letting the rain water soack my hair. It was the best feeling in the world to be there with him. When we got close to Amber’s house, where I went after school since I had moved to Bradley, (I was finishing the school year then I would move to Bradley schools for 7th grade.) Nate and I took off our shoes and soacked our feet in the rain water. We played around until getting to Amber’s house, when we had to say goodbye. I don’t think either of us wanted to say goodbye. Those past few minutes had been fun. We shouted goodbyes until Nate had to turn down his own street.
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That summer, my best friend and I spent a week at her aunts house in Crystal Lake. It was there, that I realized the true impact Nathan made on my life. Amber and I were in our room discussing Nathan. I told her how, over the summer, I missed him so much it hurt, how I thought about him all the time, and when I did, I got this weird feeling in my stomach. Amber then told me she thought I was in love with him. It made sense too. I WAS in love with him, as crazy as it sounded. I couldn’t believe it. Blind to my own feelings.
I arrived home from vacation with new feelings. I saw it my duty to write those feelings down and it turned into a letter to Nathan. To this day, I can’t believe I sent it. I wish I hadn’t in a way. I saw him one last time that following summer, at a softball game. Nathan totally ignored me and my feelings were so hurt. My heart was definetly broken.
I wish I could have done something diffrent. Something to save our friendship. That August, Nathan dided in a car accident. I never got to explain to him that I wasn’t obsessed...I just truly did love him. I went to the wake, and cried my eyes out. The hardest thing in the world was walking up to his coffin knowing I had to face the fact he was gone. I watched his family stand there like zombies. Andy, his older brother, reached out and hugged me as I cried. I didn’t know what to say to Val, his mother. I only remember my mom starting to say “Dana was in his class for...” and Val saying “I remeber her.” Then she smiled. I think Val knew. To this day, I WISH she knew how much her son meant to me. Val, where ever you are...I love your son a whole lot, and I will never forget him.
I can’t say I am recovered from this loss, because I’m not. I will never forget Nathan and the impact he made in my life. I don’t regreat a day I knew him or a day we spent together. I only wish I knew how he felt about me.
A lot of people might say there was no way I knew what love was at 12 years old, but I know what it is now, and I believe I was in love with Nathan. Even though I wasn’t loved back, I will always remeber the great times we had.
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