(no subject)
okay, what the hell... i just tried posting this entry but it's not showing up. so maybe i'll have double instances of it...
i just played a game of monopoly against myself, and i must say, i kicked my ass! which further proves my conjecture that the game is all about luck and not strategy at all. i had to watch my beloved Hat get tossed mercilessly into jail time after time, while the Race Car took it for all it was worth (which wasn't very much, since poor Hat rarely passed go and never landed on free parking).
anyway. i can't sleep anymore. between my breathing issues (i think i'm developing allergies after all, but i'm still in denial) and my general dissatisfaction with so many things, i just can't settle down enough to sleep. but i'm so tired...
we volunteered at the passim benefit on friday and it was exhausting and mildly disappointing, especially because i barely got to say two words to catie. then last night we volunteered at jennifer's show at passim and everyone was pissing me off. especially matt, who made me feel like an idiot about everything. i don't think i'm going to volunteer anymore. i just can't handle feeling so stupid and worthless. i feel that way enough already without willingly subjecting myself to more of it.
work is really starting to get old. robert's been especially out of control with the teasing lately, to the point that i honestly can't tell anymore when he's making fun and when he's really trying to tell me something. everything's stressing me out and i feel like i have nothing to look forward to. my music isn't going well, i haven't been feeling too hot... in short, i'm at the bottom of something, and it's really throwing me, because this time of year is *always* my best time. i blame it mostly on the fact that i didn't get to sing with jennifer this spring. yeah, that must be it...
sigh.
last night i came to the realization that i never want to be a performing musician. it shocked me that i was having that thought, and maybe it was just the mood i was in and the fact that everyone looked so tired, and the fact that i hate people, and i would never want to have to put up with fans (assuming i would have them, which is pretty presumptuous, i guess)... but anyway. lately i've been back in the grad school swing, so maybe i'll try to focus on that again. i just have no idea how i'll be able to successfully take the fuckin' gre's with my constant lack of concentration...
i just played a game of monopoly against myself, and i must say, i kicked my ass! which further proves my conjecture that the game is all about luck and not strategy at all. i had to watch my beloved Hat get tossed mercilessly into jail time after time, while the Race Car took it for all it was worth (which wasn't very much, since poor Hat rarely passed go and never landed on free parking).
anyway. i can't sleep anymore. between my breathing issues (i think i'm developing allergies after all, but i'm still in denial) and my general dissatisfaction with so many things, i just can't settle down enough to sleep. but i'm so tired...
we volunteered at the passim benefit on friday and it was exhausting and mildly disappointing, especially because i barely got to say two words to catie. then last night we volunteered at jennifer's show at passim and everyone was pissing me off. especially matt, who made me feel like an idiot about everything. i don't think i'm going to volunteer anymore. i just can't handle feeling so stupid and worthless. i feel that way enough already without willingly subjecting myself to more of it.
work is really starting to get old. robert's been especially out of control with the teasing lately, to the point that i honestly can't tell anymore when he's making fun and when he's really trying to tell me something. everything's stressing me out and i feel like i have nothing to look forward to. my music isn't going well, i haven't been feeling too hot... in short, i'm at the bottom of something, and it's really throwing me, because this time of year is *always* my best time. i blame it mostly on the fact that i didn't get to sing with jennifer this spring. yeah, that must be it...
sigh.
last night i came to the realization that i never want to be a performing musician. it shocked me that i was having that thought, and maybe it was just the mood i was in and the fact that everyone looked so tired, and the fact that i hate people, and i would never want to have to put up with fans (assuming i would have them, which is pretty presumptuous, i guess)... but anyway. lately i've been back in the grad school swing, so maybe i'll try to focus on that again. i just have no idea how i'll be able to successfully take the fuckin' gre's with my constant lack of concentration...