From the edge of a potato pit...
I'm not healthy for myself. Apparently, I'm only happy when I'm in an emotionally unhealthy situation. I can only find peace when I know I'm going to get hurt sooner or later, and usually sooner. Why is that? I'm an *awesome* person. I know this. Or, that's what everyone tells me. "Darryl, you're a great guy!" "Darryl, why aren't there more guys like you?" "Darryl, you're going to make some lucky girl really happy!" Sure...JUST NOT YOU! I just seem to want to be hurt emotionally. Apparently, I'm not happy unless I can start crying at any moment. The only girls I ever really want, ever truly desire, are destined to hurt me. As a general rule, I don't do the hurting. If I had feelings for someone, I couldn't hurt them if I tried. I'm too much in love with love to fuck that up. Maybe that's why. The girl I want seems to have a history of only wanting those that can and will eventually hurt her. Is that healthy? But then again, all I have to offer a girl is myself and bad poetry. I know this. I don't have a lot of money, or even prospects. I guess I've always heard that it doesn't matter, when, in reality, it's the only thing that matters. Maybe I should just be alone for a long long long long while. Not just romantically alone, but truly alone. Like on a mountaintop in Albania alone. I just don't want to deal with people. I don't even feel like writing poetry, which usually helps. Fuck poetry. Poetry is entirely incapable of conveying these feelings. So fuck it.