Oh.. so crushed...
Lets just say the first day of the new year wasnt what i expected it to be. It turned out horrible. At first it was great... i was partying.. having fun.. then going to my cousins house.. visiting the babies... BUT then it had to come to an end.. To such a f*cking horrible end. :\
Larry called me.. and w.e we havent been doing so hott.. just because of so many things.. and i knew it too.. cause i felt it in him.. and i would ask him "is everything ok between us?" and he always told me "yah" well.. it obviously wasnt true.. since yesterday he told me wat was up. Im not gonna say what is happeening or what not.. cause w.e. im not. All im gonna say.. is that it obviously isnt good- not good at all. Its not the worst thing that could happen -YET... but i know its gonna happen soon. And the sad part is that i dont wanna loose him. Hes the best and i like him so much. Ive never ever cried for a guy- and im crying for him.. IM NOT EVEN GOING OUT WITH THE KID.. wat the hell!
Its shit like this.. that makes me not wanna be committed to anybody.. and just go around and have fun with whoever the f*ck i want, and just "Hook-up" with whoever i want. Cause this always happens to me. And wat gets to me.. is the fact that this type of stuff always happens to me. I always find someone i really really really like. and BAM. it all goes to waste. But yet.. they say.. "oh-its not you.. believe me youre great.. youre what every guy wants in a gf." (just wat larry said to me) .. THEN WHY THE FUCK is it that im not great enough for you? Why is it that you dont wanna be with me- if im "wat every guy wants in a gf". Why cant i have you Larry? WHy do i have to loose you? Bro- I fucking hate guys. They are soo confusing. its fustrating.and i dunt wanna sound emo.. but frankly i dont care at this moment.
Everything was going great. Everything. until the second week of vacation. I knew it.. i felt it. THings werent the same. I found myself calling him more.. txt msging him more.. leaving him more messages.. everything. HE barely called... and then he would use the excuse.. "im busy.. i have to work you know. YOu dont know how it is." FUcK work. I dont give a shit if youre busy.. all i wanted you to do was just call me.. in your break.. and just say "hi, i wanted to talk to you.." yah he did do that stuff.. but not liek before.
W.e im acting liek if im going out with him.. but damn.. i was talking to him for almost 5 months. It wouldve been 5 months on the 7th. FUCK MAN.. i hate this shit. I hate it. I miss him so much.. you have no idea. Ahhh. IT hurts so much.
yesterday at my cousins house.. when he told me.. i cried like a freeking retard on the phone, and i didnt want to hang up, but i had to. THen i had to go downstairs.. and strike up a convo with my cousin and aunt and pretend like everything was alright at dinner.. so that they wouldnt ask me anything.. when all i wanted to do was curl up in my bed and squeeze the heck out of my pillow.
He says he likes me .. ALot alot... and that he doesnt wanna loose me.. he just needs to back up a little. But i dont get it. I dont. *sighs* But w.e. All good things come to an end... NO .. not true, Cause im not gonna let him go. im not. HEs gonna be around.. and im gonna make sure of it. CAuse hes too good- and im not letting him go... i dunno wat im gonna do.. i just hope w.e. i do works.
i like him so much. and i miss him so much right now.
Thanks t... for listening to me yesterday.. Christine: im calling you up in a minute.. JEssica: We need to have our famouse talks.
This shit is probably so freeking long right now.. lol. Oh well.. i dont care.
im out
Larry called me.. and w.e we havent been doing so hott.. just because of so many things.. and i knew it too.. cause i felt it in him.. and i would ask him "is everything ok between us?" and he always told me "yah" well.. it obviously wasnt true.. since yesterday he told me wat was up. Im not gonna say what is happeening or what not.. cause w.e. im not. All im gonna say.. is that it obviously isnt good- not good at all. Its not the worst thing that could happen -YET... but i know its gonna happen soon. And the sad part is that i dont wanna loose him. Hes the best and i like him so much. Ive never ever cried for a guy- and im crying for him.. IM NOT EVEN GOING OUT WITH THE KID.. wat the hell!
Its shit like this.. that makes me not wanna be committed to anybody.. and just go around and have fun with whoever the f*ck i want, and just "Hook-up" with whoever i want. Cause this always happens to me. And wat gets to me.. is the fact that this type of stuff always happens to me. I always find someone i really really really like. and BAM. it all goes to waste. But yet.. they say.. "oh-its not you.. believe me youre great.. youre what every guy wants in a gf." (just wat larry said to me) .. THEN WHY THE FUCK is it that im not great enough for you? Why is it that you dont wanna be with me- if im "wat every guy wants in a gf". Why cant i have you Larry? WHy do i have to loose you? Bro- I fucking hate guys. They are soo confusing. its fustrating.and i dunt wanna sound emo.. but frankly i dont care at this moment.
Everything was going great. Everything. until the second week of vacation. I knew it.. i felt it. THings werent the same. I found myself calling him more.. txt msging him more.. leaving him more messages.. everything. HE barely called... and then he would use the excuse.. "im busy.. i have to work you know. YOu dont know how it is." FUcK work. I dont give a shit if youre busy.. all i wanted you to do was just call me.. in your break.. and just say "hi, i wanted to talk to you.." yah he did do that stuff.. but not liek before.
W.e im acting liek if im going out with him.. but damn.. i was talking to him for almost 5 months. It wouldve been 5 months on the 7th. FUCK MAN.. i hate this shit. I hate it. I miss him so much.. you have no idea. Ahhh. IT hurts so much.
yesterday at my cousins house.. when he told me.. i cried like a freeking retard on the phone, and i didnt want to hang up, but i had to. THen i had to go downstairs.. and strike up a convo with my cousin and aunt and pretend like everything was alright at dinner.. so that they wouldnt ask me anything.. when all i wanted to do was curl up in my bed and squeeze the heck out of my pillow.
He says he likes me .. ALot alot... and that he doesnt wanna loose me.. he just needs to back up a little. But i dont get it. I dont. *sighs* But w.e. All good things come to an end... NO .. not true, Cause im not gonna let him go. im not. HEs gonna be around.. and im gonna make sure of it. CAuse hes too good- and im not letting him go... i dunno wat im gonna do.. i just hope w.e. i do works.
i like him so much. and i miss him so much right now.
Thanks t... for listening to me yesterday.. Christine: im calling you up in a minute.. JEssica: We need to have our famouse talks.
This shit is probably so freeking long right now.. lol. Oh well.. i dont care.
im out