Last Entry From Thornwood.
Well, today (since it's a bit late in my time of writing this entry) is my last day here in this house. Moving out tomorrow, which I guess is a bit unnerving. I hasn't been a year yet that I've lived here, and lots is going on right now.
I was prompted to post this, so I'll just go on and hope that I manage to say something worth reading before I turn in to bed.
Really, pet, you should start writing again. I miss reading what you have to say.
Even if you just post once in a while, that would be nice to read.
I have a bit to tidy up right now.
It really feels like a big jump in my life. Moving somewhere new just seems to have that feeling to it, I suppose. Or maybe it's that I want to go somewhere new in my life.
Today was a bit of a scare.
With that phone-call when I was least expecting it, and you hyperventilating on the other end, having a panic attack when I was on the other side of the city, torn with needing to be with you to try and do something to calm you down and to be back where I could actually do something about the situation - but not be with you.
I told you everything would turn out alright and it did.
I was glad you were alright, but I really wish I could have actually done something about it.
After all that, though, once I knew everything was fine, was when it started to get to me.
Ah, I'm such an idiot, worrying about things after they've already happened, but I suppose that's the way that it works when you have someone more important than you to take care of.
Everything's fine, though.
This year was the best year that I've ever had for a birthday. Ever. Way better than last year, which sucked because we had a huge argument over my family, because we were "picket-fence perfect" (a phrase that I'm officially coining now), or something like that. We're not exactly like that now, but really, you don't like them much better from what I know, with the exception of my father, possibly. In fact, you might like them less.
But it meant a lot to me that you made an effort at dinner on Saturday to get along with them - it really did, pet, and I can't praise you enough for it.
And then we went to see a movie after dinner, and had a good time before going back to your place. Two (slightly imperfect, but all the more delicious) cakes, some candy, and a pleasant mood for the day.
Oddly enough, I've gotten... well, the least amount in physical gifts I think I've ever received, but I don't care. "Crime and Punishment" and a bit of cash is all I would have (reasonably) asked for anyways. I don't know when the tattoo is going to come through, but it'll happen.
A really sweet sixteen.
It's odd how the most offhand comments can get to a person. I was on the phone with my grandmother today, to thank her for the card she sent, and of course I was told "oh, I still remember the day you were born!" Like every year. And then "And I was so happy when you were a girl."
I feel that I should explain I was the first female to be born in the family after my grandmother, and she didn't mean it in any way to hurt me... but it still kinda stung. I was the little princess, even though I really am a prince (so to speak).
Almost like a tiny bit of guilt that's clawing at me somewhere in the back of my mind.
Though, really, it doesn't change anything.
I'm still who I am.
Soundwave co-operated with me for recharging tonight, but I'm worried about the little guy. He's so old. And I've gotten really attached to the little black menace (which I call him lovingly). I hope I don't need to... replace him soon. I'll keep holding onto him as long as I can, though.
The oddest thing happened earlier... I was minding my own business when something knocked everything off the side table beside me. I looked over and things were knocked over and on the floor. It was only a bit of trash and nothing important or breakable, but it still made a loud enough noise that I jumped.
I'm wondering if I'm just crazy or if there's something here, too.
Perhaps some of your "sight" rubbed off on me or something.
But I'm leaving today (or tomorrow), so I won't have to worry about it anymore. This thing only shows it's face - which I can't see - around my room, just here.
It doesn't bother me so much, since I've gotten used to things like this a bit, being around pet. It's just something that happens every day.
My mother's still against my moving. It's almost the same-old, same-old deal, but she's backed down a bit and is just being bitter and manipulative now... if you want to put it that way. I was telling her when I wanted to move out and she told me that I had better choose another day because that was the day that someone was coming over for the international student that we're having move in here is doing an interview. She doesn't want some "crazy moving out" on that day.
Appearing like a perfect little family is all she wants, and I don't fit that bill to her standards well enough.
She's tried again and again to pound me into that mold, but fuck her.
Really, just fuck her. I will be who I want to be.
She was going to keep on with the appointment with the therapist Ken Zucker, informing me that she wanted to give him access to my school records. Fuck him too, actually.
I told her not to do anything or sign any forms, because I'm not going to let that hack near my mind. It's a stretch that I'm agreeing to a psych in the first place - because I can't just get a prescription for the T without a psych's approval.
I'll find one eventually, but it'll take a bit more searching.
Diet Coke seems to be getting worse and worse the more you learn about it. In addition to the things that you've been reading up on, I just found an article linking aspartame to... depression and bipolar disorder. What now? Apparently so... I hated the taste of aspartame anyways. Just regular Pepsi is fine with me.
I still have some things I want to get done before tomorrow, and my head it starting to irritate me, so I'm going to bed.
Besides... this entry is really, really long.
I was prompted to post this, so I'll just go on and hope that I manage to say something worth reading before I turn in to bed.
Really, pet, you should start writing again. I miss reading what you have to say.
Even if you just post once in a while, that would be nice to read.
I have a bit to tidy up right now.
It really feels like a big jump in my life. Moving somewhere new just seems to have that feeling to it, I suppose. Or maybe it's that I want to go somewhere new in my life.
Today was a bit of a scare.
With that phone-call when I was least expecting it, and you hyperventilating on the other end, having a panic attack when I was on the other side of the city, torn with needing to be with you to try and do something to calm you down and to be back where I could actually do something about the situation - but not be with you.
I told you everything would turn out alright and it did.
I was glad you were alright, but I really wish I could have actually done something about it.
After all that, though, once I knew everything was fine, was when it started to get to me.
Ah, I'm such an idiot, worrying about things after they've already happened, but I suppose that's the way that it works when you have someone more important than you to take care of.
Everything's fine, though.
This year was the best year that I've ever had for a birthday. Ever. Way better than last year, which sucked because we had a huge argument over my family, because we were "picket-fence perfect" (a phrase that I'm officially coining now), or something like that. We're not exactly like that now, but really, you don't like them much better from what I know, with the exception of my father, possibly. In fact, you might like them less.
But it meant a lot to me that you made an effort at dinner on Saturday to get along with them - it really did, pet, and I can't praise you enough for it.
And then we went to see a movie after dinner, and had a good time before going back to your place. Two (slightly imperfect, but all the more delicious) cakes, some candy, and a pleasant mood for the day.
Oddly enough, I've gotten... well, the least amount in physical gifts I think I've ever received, but I don't care. "Crime and Punishment" and a bit of cash is all I would have (reasonably) asked for anyways. I don't know when the tattoo is going to come through, but it'll happen.
A really sweet sixteen.
It's odd how the most offhand comments can get to a person. I was on the phone with my grandmother today, to thank her for the card she sent, and of course I was told "oh, I still remember the day you were born!" Like every year. And then "And I was so happy when you were a girl."
I feel that I should explain I was the first female to be born in the family after my grandmother, and she didn't mean it in any way to hurt me... but it still kinda stung. I was the little princess, even though I really am a prince (so to speak).
Almost like a tiny bit of guilt that's clawing at me somewhere in the back of my mind.
Though, really, it doesn't change anything.
I'm still who I am.
Soundwave co-operated with me for recharging tonight, but I'm worried about the little guy. He's so old. And I've gotten really attached to the little black menace (which I call him lovingly). I hope I don't need to... replace him soon. I'll keep holding onto him as long as I can, though.
The oddest thing happened earlier... I was minding my own business when something knocked everything off the side table beside me. I looked over and things were knocked over and on the floor. It was only a bit of trash and nothing important or breakable, but it still made a loud enough noise that I jumped.
I'm wondering if I'm just crazy or if there's something here, too.
Perhaps some of your "sight" rubbed off on me or something.
But I'm leaving today (or tomorrow), so I won't have to worry about it anymore. This thing only shows it's face - which I can't see - around my room, just here.
It doesn't bother me so much, since I've gotten used to things like this a bit, being around pet. It's just something that happens every day.
My mother's still against my moving. It's almost the same-old, same-old deal, but she's backed down a bit and is just being bitter and manipulative now... if you want to put it that way. I was telling her when I wanted to move out and she told me that I had better choose another day because that was the day that someone was coming over for the international student that we're having move in here is doing an interview. She doesn't want some "crazy moving out" on that day.
Appearing like a perfect little family is all she wants, and I don't fit that bill to her standards well enough.
She's tried again and again to pound me into that mold, but fuck her.
Really, just fuck her. I will be who I want to be.
She was going to keep on with the appointment with the therapist Ken Zucker, informing me that she wanted to give him access to my school records. Fuck him too, actually.
I told her not to do anything or sign any forms, because I'm not going to let that hack near my mind. It's a stretch that I'm agreeing to a psych in the first place - because I can't just get a prescription for the T without a psych's approval.
I'll find one eventually, but it'll take a bit more searching.
Diet Coke seems to be getting worse and worse the more you learn about it. In addition to the things that you've been reading up on, I just found an article linking aspartame to... depression and bipolar disorder. What now? Apparently so... I hated the taste of aspartame anyways. Just regular Pepsi is fine with me.
I still have some things I want to get done before tomorrow, and my head it starting to irritate me, so I'm going to bed.
Besides... this entry is really, really long.