(no subject)
Though we are so similar, there is one important difference between you and I; the way we convey our feelings through pen and paper, fingers and keys. Where as your ability to write, astounds me, your every word beautiful, your every line is a sharp tingle through my heart, I still write like a child. You, the great author, me, the small girl hiding in the shadows. And this is where it all starts, my great fear of replying to you, expressing my feelings. It seems your soft, delicate words, full of hope(or in this case, fear?) are suffocated by my ugly, unstructured scribbles. Like now.
You're so full of hidden meanings, things you wont tell, place you wont go, but why? And I always intepret you wrong. You make it all out to be so weak, nothing's secure and at some point will come crashing around your feet. Sometime soon? No matter what you write, I always think there's a problem with us. I know your life does not revolve around me, it's just pure, simple selfishness, on my behalf.
Things are so hard now. Everything has you attatched to it. 'Red Is The New Black' reminds me of my time falling asleep on your bed, in your world, listening to this. The tear jerking harmonies in the chorus of 'your revolution is a joke' scream your name, and everytime I listen to it I can't help but cry. The scribbles of pictures on my walls, destroyed by you, marked by you, memories of you. Little keep sakes, words written down forever on my heart, photographs that don't look like you anymore, places we went, people we met. 'Perfect Blue Buildings' where I broke down and confessed my sudden realisation that I was nothing special, and you could do so much better. The Counting Crows are you, music is you and I now. Music keeps my sanity when you're not around. Music keeps my breathing, an addiction...like you.
And if I fall (will you be there to catch me?)
Waking up in the morning is too much. The light seeps through my tattered life to startle me. Like little rays of hope, they disappear within seconds, and as the rain starts, I know today will not be worth getting up for. So I wait until the last possible moment when I can no longer get away with holding those covers over my head like the small girl I am. And when the lights are on, and the realisation that day has begun, I cry. I am lost and alone and I'm not even sure why I'm here. I only live for you, only breathe for you.
Just in case I dont come through
I was on to every play
I just wanted you
The music fills the room and tries to soothe the broken hearts of the world. I stand every morning in front of a mirror, slightly too low on the wall (or am I too tall?) and as I stare at this pale creature, at which I am repulsed by, I wonder what the appeal is to you. I never know why you love me, me who has caused so much hurt, distruction, discomfort in your life. And so I think of other people, other cool girlfriends with their cool hair and their cool clothes, other girlfriends with their passion for music like you, other girls who are more hardcore than me.
We all want something beautiful....I wish I was beautiful.
Then I remember you love me, you adore me and I can start the day. I wear clothes to impress, to make me feel better, clothes you like, pretending you're here, holding me and letting me know that I look great today with your 'how-you-doin's". But you're not here, and when you're not here I'm not here. No-ones here, the room is empty. I am empty.
Please don't be angry with me.
As the sun sets on the battlefields, i hope you can save me
I hope you can save our wounded hearts.
Distance makes my heart grow colder,
Distance makes my heart grow older
Just enough to cut the air from your lungs.
In times where it all seems too much, too hard, not worth it, just remember you have me. I'm not perfect, spilling over with flaws, full of hate and jealousy, but I love you, more that my own life. I'd die for you tonight.
xxxxx
You're so full of hidden meanings, things you wont tell, place you wont go, but why? And I always intepret you wrong. You make it all out to be so weak, nothing's secure and at some point will come crashing around your feet. Sometime soon? No matter what you write, I always think there's a problem with us. I know your life does not revolve around me, it's just pure, simple selfishness, on my behalf.
Things are so hard now. Everything has you attatched to it. 'Red Is The New Black' reminds me of my time falling asleep on your bed, in your world, listening to this. The tear jerking harmonies in the chorus of 'your revolution is a joke' scream your name, and everytime I listen to it I can't help but cry. The scribbles of pictures on my walls, destroyed by you, marked by you, memories of you. Little keep sakes, words written down forever on my heart, photographs that don't look like you anymore, places we went, people we met. 'Perfect Blue Buildings' where I broke down and confessed my sudden realisation that I was nothing special, and you could do so much better. The Counting Crows are you, music is you and I now. Music keeps my sanity when you're not around. Music keeps my breathing, an addiction...like you.
And if I fall (will you be there to catch me?)
Waking up in the morning is too much. The light seeps through my tattered life to startle me. Like little rays of hope, they disappear within seconds, and as the rain starts, I know today will not be worth getting up for. So I wait until the last possible moment when I can no longer get away with holding those covers over my head like the small girl I am. And when the lights are on, and the realisation that day has begun, I cry. I am lost and alone and I'm not even sure why I'm here. I only live for you, only breathe for you.
Just in case I dont come through
I was on to every play
I just wanted you
The music fills the room and tries to soothe the broken hearts of the world. I stand every morning in front of a mirror, slightly too low on the wall (or am I too tall?) and as I stare at this pale creature, at which I am repulsed by, I wonder what the appeal is to you. I never know why you love me, me who has caused so much hurt, distruction, discomfort in your life. And so I think of other people, other cool girlfriends with their cool hair and their cool clothes, other girlfriends with their passion for music like you, other girls who are more hardcore than me.
We all want something beautiful....I wish I was beautiful.
Then I remember you love me, you adore me and I can start the day. I wear clothes to impress, to make me feel better, clothes you like, pretending you're here, holding me and letting me know that I look great today with your 'how-you-doin's". But you're not here, and when you're not here I'm not here. No-ones here, the room is empty. I am empty.
Please don't be angry with me.
As the sun sets on the battlefields, i hope you can save me
I hope you can save our wounded hearts.
Distance makes my heart grow colder,
Distance makes my heart grow older
Just enough to cut the air from your lungs.
In times where it all seems too much, too hard, not worth it, just remember you have me. I'm not perfect, spilling over with flaws, full of hate and jealousy, but I love you, more that my own life. I'd die for you tonight.
xxxxx