....let's wait until tomorrow
I'm kinda confused today. Not really sure why. I've been having a series of conversations with my mother. For months, I've been waiting for the opportunity to talk to her about everything and I finally had my chance.
Work is getting harder to find. Today I had another job interview and managed to be recruited by another temping agency. Ive been offered a few hours by Chloe's friend at her bank job, but it's not enough. All the places I've been to, keep on making promises to me, like 'I'll phone you in the next few days' or 'yeah I think you have a good chance with this one'. And it's all lies! I'm so frustrated with not having money. I owe mom £150 and I need money to go away.
Going away.....it's actually happening, where as in the past(and both of us would admit) it used to be just talk, this time, it's happening, i'm actually going. And I didn't realize this properly until the other day when I was chatting to my mother, and she was telling me all the things I need to sort out, and for once, she talked to me like a grown-up a A GROWN-UP! But I'm ready now, I wanna go now. I can't wait months, I can barely stand days...even hours without him (pathetic). There's no money and no way out as yet. I need something new, new life, new job, new place to live, still him, but new friends.
My friends, they're all gonna see me this weekend. There's a party at Fabbie's house, a HUGE one, and everyone is expecting me there. I'm so scared of going, so scared of having to repeated the same fucking story of being unemployed over and over again. The first time I saw everyone from school again properly I wanted to be in a job, looking good...instead I'm unemployed and putting on weight. The only good bit of news people will be happy about is the fact I'm back with Al. So many of my friends had to put up with me day to day moaning about Al, and crying about Al.....and generally being.... soppy...yes that's the word, soppy.
I don't think it's actually possible for me to not write an entry without mentioning his name. Sad? Obsessive? You guys who read this (if any of you do) I could not even begin to explain to you what this guy does to me. Just knowing that he loves me back, stronger perhaps? I don't know. Nobody in the world will ever have anything like we have, what we have is one of a kind, what we have is so unbelievably crazy at my age, at his age?! I can't wait to get over there, but for now I just need to see him, i need to and I know there's nothing at the moment I can do about it as he doesn't have any money, and I know I always complain to him about,well....I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Sorry I go on, sorry I make a big deal out of everything, sorry I always pester you, and act weird and emo and crazy and immature, sorry i'm jealous and manipulative and fake. I'm Sorry. But thank-you, thank-you for making me a stronger person.
I love you xxxx
I can smell you on my skin,
I can feel you on my bones,
I can hear a voice telling me that I am not alone.
I can see you in mind,
And in the pictures on my wall,
I can feel you by my side,
Catch me as I fall.
I can't hold your hand walking,
I can't kiss your gentle lips,
I can't tell you face to face,
That this is really it.
I can't whisper that I love you,
I can't feel your sweet caress.
I can only say I miss you,
I love you and don't forget.
Work is getting harder to find. Today I had another job interview and managed to be recruited by another temping agency. Ive been offered a few hours by Chloe's friend at her bank job, but it's not enough. All the places I've been to, keep on making promises to me, like 'I'll phone you in the next few days' or 'yeah I think you have a good chance with this one'. And it's all lies! I'm so frustrated with not having money. I owe mom £150 and I need money to go away.
Going away.....it's actually happening, where as in the past(and both of us would admit) it used to be just talk, this time, it's happening, i'm actually going. And I didn't realize this properly until the other day when I was chatting to my mother, and she was telling me all the things I need to sort out, and for once, she talked to me like a grown-up a A GROWN-UP! But I'm ready now, I wanna go now. I can't wait months, I can barely stand days...even hours without him (pathetic). There's no money and no way out as yet. I need something new, new life, new job, new place to live, still him, but new friends.
My friends, they're all gonna see me this weekend. There's a party at Fabbie's house, a HUGE one, and everyone is expecting me there. I'm so scared of going, so scared of having to repeated the same fucking story of being unemployed over and over again. The first time I saw everyone from school again properly I wanted to be in a job, looking good...instead I'm unemployed and putting on weight. The only good bit of news people will be happy about is the fact I'm back with Al. So many of my friends had to put up with me day to day moaning about Al, and crying about Al.....and generally being.... soppy...yes that's the word, soppy.
I don't think it's actually possible for me to not write an entry without mentioning his name. Sad? Obsessive? You guys who read this (if any of you do) I could not even begin to explain to you what this guy does to me. Just knowing that he loves me back, stronger perhaps? I don't know. Nobody in the world will ever have anything like we have, what we have is one of a kind, what we have is so unbelievably crazy at my age, at his age?! I can't wait to get over there, but for now I just need to see him, i need to and I know there's nothing at the moment I can do about it as he doesn't have any money, and I know I always complain to him about,well....I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Sorry I go on, sorry I make a big deal out of everything, sorry I always pester you, and act weird and emo and crazy and immature, sorry i'm jealous and manipulative and fake. I'm Sorry. But thank-you, thank-you for making me a stronger person.
I love you xxxx
I can smell you on my skin,
I can feel you on my bones,
I can hear a voice telling me that I am not alone.
I can see you in mind,
And in the pictures on my wall,
I can feel you by my side,
Catch me as I fall.
I can't hold your hand walking,
I can't kiss your gentle lips,
I can't tell you face to face,
That this is really it.
I can't whisper that I love you,
I can't feel your sweet caress.
I can only say I miss you,
I love you and don't forget.