here, here i am again, and im staring at these same four walls alone again...

[toxickissesxox]

my sister keeps reading my journal and it is getting realy annoying. like if she realy cared shed ask me about my life not snoop behind my back and go against what i said reading my private thoughts. the whole point of this was to express my feelings without worying about someone having an oppinion about everything. im just like so beyond the point of caring what people think of me i cant even put it into words. i've never realy cared what ppl say because as long as i im fitting my standards then what everyone else wants doesnt matter. alex says that the reason we are best friends is because we get eachother, because we understand what the otherone relay is like and doesnmt question a thing. shes a great person, but like me a lot of ppl judge her. she isnt realy excepted by ppl, and i wont pretend im an outcast, i am very well excepted. but ppl still judge me they say i have "attitude" and i smile and say yea i do have attitude you have a problem? then dont fucking talk to me. ally says im not realy a bitch like ppl say, she tells me im just sarcastic. i am sarcastic though, the problem is no one knows hot to tell seriousnes from sarcasm asnymore but ho hum its all good. alex is has a good heart, she may have no brain but she has a good heart. sometimes she worries me a lot. like the fact that shes very wild and easily bored it scares me that she's just gunna one day flip her lid and do some serious shit that shell regret. but at the end of the day i just have to pray ive rubbed off on her and think that shell use her better judgement.
most of my friends say that ill be a good mom when i grow up. dominique told me that one day during pe. i was worrying about shannon again, like always, and she hugged me and said i have a good heart. shannon seems like she can be self destructive. i kno half the time she is just being dramatic, but she still makes me feel nervous. i think one day shes going to go way to far with a guy and end up completly fucked up. i can imagine her being pregnant and screwing up her life, i can imagine her crying on the bathroom floor with a knife in her hand and mascara running down her cheeks. she depends on me a lot. ill be honest, when ppl say shyt about her being a slut i ussually dont stick up for her and thats wrong of me but i do care about her. it is so random for me to be writing about her. i havnt spoken to her in a while and i hadnt thought of her in a while too. but it just came. im not being dramatic or wtvr. i swear! lol chelsey. im just saying what i think. almost everyone says shannon is just a dramaqueen who is so slutty she pretends her life is realy bad so she can get sum sympathy from guys, but i think she is just insecure and codependent. oh well i cant think about her anymore it just makes me feel bad about not being there for her more. ill talk later

you know you love me ♥
arielle