(no subject)
I've realized quit a bit. actually I've known. There has been little things that have been bugging me about myself. And I really don't find myself attractive, including my personality.
My hair color is un natural, and ugly.
I have zits really bad.
I have a big nose.
I don't have boobs.
I don't have much of a butt.
And I gots love handles.
My legs are too long.
My toes are too long.
Yeah, those are most things I think about everyday of my life. Cuz I know those are some main things a guy likes in a girl, and I really don't have any of it. And it would be so awesome if I could find someone to love all of it. I know people think im pretty an all that. But they don't have to deal with all that. And it might not seem that my physical features are that bad compared to other people in this world but I'm having self esteem issues, like I've always had. And I don't know how to control it. Like no matter how hard I try to be pleasing to peoples minds, it doesn't work. No Matter What! I've had to deal with phyiscal problems ever since elementary...and it really sucks.
And my personality.....it's not that great either. I never have anything interesting to talk about, I complain a lot, and im not outgoing. I would rather sit in my house smoking pot and laugh at nothing, by myself or with Ashley of course. I always seem like I'm in a depressing mood because people tell me to smile. I have too much on my mind, and would rather sit down and think about it then talk to people about my problem. I feel like they can't do anything about it anyways, so why tell them.
I seem to think about my past a lot now that I've moved. Everyweek I have to have a good cry at least once. Ugh, it's like my emotion builds up until I force myself to cry or something. I may seem emo if I like listen to music and depress myself...but put it this way....you are really really horny..ok...and you just stay horny n shit and can't do much about it unless you masterbate.....and when you do it feels great...and you feel relaxed...and that's how I feel with my emotions, I think so much....that I have to make myself cry. But yeah....I need to sleep.
I really don't know. I always get like this at night so...you can ignore it...