copied from myspace.. but it still fits my life....
Life is what it is, I wish I could change it. but alas... im stuck, in this mess that i try to make seem orderly. I make things appear to be better than they really are... what do i do? I keep my feeling bottled up inside, people come to me with their problems as if i dont have fucking problems of my own, they try to drag me into their drama, and unless it is important to me i tell them im busy and i'll call them later so that i dont have to hear it anymore, i dont wanna hear the noise in my head, i am sick of not being able to think clearly, and it makes me sick that i am being a total dick to my friends. I have always been the one that they could come to to talk about thier problems, and lately i just havent really given a flying fuck. and i feel good about that because for once in my life i have NO DRAMA and im happy. but at the same time i feel like a complete ass hole because i am beginning to feel that i am not caring enough about my friends.... so you see i cannot think clearly... my psychologist told me that i have ADHD and SEVERE BI POLAR disorder... and that kinda wasnt a suprise to me.... i think i am better off alone... no one wants to date someone like me... i put on a mask when im in public... when im around my friends i put on the "im happy" face but in all actuality im alone, miserable, sad, stressed, melancholy, afraid, and in tears inside... and that is not okay with me, and on top of me feeling like this, i have people telling me how fucking great of a person i am when i sit here and know the opposite. i dont understand how people cannot see me. im a horrible actor.. why cant people see me, or do they just not care to look far enough inside to find me... i think its the latter... i just dont think that people care enough to see me for anything more than just a cute face... and a good fuck... and im sick of that. and incase you havent noticed this is a "vent all this shit i keep bottled inside" post on my blog... :) so im done... comment if you wish.....