Wow, that was fantastic! What a cool idea for a story.
The writing was very engaging and natural to me. This is a bit hard to describe, but I thought it was really perfect the way you described the lab and what it was about, then Dr. Fobetor, then Oneiros and his slimy way of getting the machine, then what he planned to do with it. Everything seemed to fit together and flow seamlessly, even with little things like Oneiros's name.
I especially liked these lines:
"Oneiros forced a cheerful smile for his wife who still, despite the perfume she’d quickly doused herself with, stank of sex. She was dressed as if for the yoga class she’d told him she was attending at the club; he’d already confirmed with the help desk that she hadn’t been there in several weeks."
They gave the reader an understanding of Oneiros's marriage and home life so quickly, and in a more interesting way than just saying "his wife was a cheater whom he resented."
And the part at the end where he traps her is really thrilling. :3
*NODS* You'll get nothing but agreement and drool from me on that one.
I know he's most famous for "Fight Club" but my personal favorite is "Painted Veil". His character in that movie is just so ... awkward and sad. You want to hug him -- if he'll let you.
In Greek mythology there were three Oneiroi (gods of dreams): Morpheus, Phobetor and Phantasos. They were sons of Nyx (god of night) and brothers to Hypnos (god of sleep). The Oneiroi sent true dreams to man through a gate made of horn. False dreams were sent through a gate of ivory. Pasithea was goddess of hallucination; she was married to Hypnos.
OMGGGG!!! This was so freaking cool! What an awesome idea, and an extremely well-executed one at that.
This was why Hypno Solutions had a bevy of multimillionaire investors in its pockets, the most notable of which was Mr. M. Oneiros. - There's a bevy of love in my heart for the word bevy.
Oneiros forced a cheerful smile for his wife who still, despite the perfume she’d quickly doused herself with, stank of sex. - Hahaha! The little skank. I absolutely adore the characters you created. I loved every little mention of a certain missing wedding ring. It was a deliciously uncomfortable scene.
“I don’t see a latch or anything in here. How do I get out?” “You don’t.” - Whoaaaaa! Spooky!
Oneiros was a man who always got what he wanted - and if he couldn’t have it, then he would make damn certain no one else would either. - *claps* What a brilliant end! You totally nailed this, my friend! Another masterpiece!! :)
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The writing was very engaging and natural to me. This is a bit hard to describe, but I thought it was really perfect the way you described the lab and what it was about, then Dr. Fobetor, then Oneiros and his slimy way of getting the machine, then what he planned to do with it. Everything seemed to fit together and flow seamlessly, even with little things like Oneiros's name.
I especially liked these lines:
"Oneiros forced a cheerful smile for his wife who still, despite the perfume she’d quickly doused herself with, stank of sex. She was dressed as if for the yoga class she’d told him she was attending at the club; he’d already confirmed with the help desk that she hadn’t been there in several weeks."
They gave the reader an understanding of Oneiros's marriage and home life so quickly, and in a more interesting way than just saying "his wife was a cheater whom he resented."
And the part at the end where he traps her is really thrilling. :3
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And hell yes to Edward Norton. He could play either role and I'd be there to see the flick.
Thanks so much for reading!
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I know he's most famous for "Fight Club" but my personal favorite is "Painted Veil". His character in that movie is just so ... awkward and sad. You want to hug him -- if he'll let you.
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Um ... no. It's supposed to be metal.
Unless you're making a reference that I'm not getting...?
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I knew that, I really did -- hence all the purposeful naming throughout this. God, I feel stupid...
*snickers* That's funny now that I get it! HAHA!
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This was why Hypno Solutions had a bevy of multimillionaire investors in its pockets, the most notable of which was Mr. M. Oneiros. - There's a bevy of love in my heart for the word bevy.
Oneiros forced a cheerful smile for his wife who still, despite the perfume she’d quickly doused herself with, stank of sex. - Hahaha! The little skank. I absolutely adore the characters you created. I loved every little mention of a certain missing wedding ring. It was a deliciously uncomfortable scene.
“I don’t see a latch or anything in here. How do I get out?”
“You don’t.” - Whoaaaaa! Spooky!
Oneiros was a man who always got what he wanted - and if he couldn’t have it, then he would make damn certain no one else would either. - *claps* What a brilliant end! You totally nailed this, my friend! Another masterpiece!! :)
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The minute I read this, I started cackling out loud. It scared my dog, I'll have you know.
Thanks for reading, Jewels, AND for making my night!
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