(no subject)
What are we defined by? A year ago I would have said our personalities but I start to question even that. What am I Katie Alaina Towns defined by my past- i hope not I have made mistakes and been foolish like every other human being on earth, my love life- goodness no for that is simply a mess I dream about someone who I cant have and am followed by those i dont want, my religion- yes and no that defines my character and on good days my choices but is that what defines me. I hope not for it is currently under revamping. I am living day-to-day TRUE christianity not just in front of peers but also a stubborn, self-centered teacher who doesnt know what he believes and was quite suprised when i stood up for what I do. So in others eyes maybe that is what defines me. but what about in my eyes. I dont see what others see. I am weak and broken but it is a good broken. I am coming to terms with what the world is and isnt. I would love to be defined as someone who loves with a passion and have someone return said love but apparently that isnt in the cards for me. Is any one else SICK of that? of living every day hurting on the inside for reasons and motives you couldnt even explain to your closest friend. Maybe it is bad that my closest friend is a couple hundred miles away. Im tired of people saying that i am better for my loneliness that in the end it will benifit me. Well what about now I HURT NOW. Today is just a bad day my friends. But tomorrow is a new one. I cant help but wonder if tomorrow will be the same? Will I ever find what I am looking for? It seems like I have been trusting God for a very long time and I have felt nothing but hurt. I want what everyone else has. i want to be defined by my passion and integrity but most of all I want to read this damn purity book and feel like there is some freakin point. It depresses me to be reading for seemingly no reason. I need something new. Maybe California is where i need to go. We will see.
Sory for the depressing post. but i needed to say it.
When you kids go to TVR tell parker that someone gave me a copy of Blue Like Jazz and that It is currently changing my life. He told me to read it years ago. Ishould have listened.
Love you all.
-Katie Alaina Towns
Sory for the depressing post. but i needed to say it.
When you kids go to TVR tell parker that someone gave me a copy of Blue Like Jazz and that It is currently changing my life. He told me to read it years ago. Ishould have listened.
Love you all.
-Katie Alaina Towns