monkeys have wicked stepchildren.

Jul 10, 2003 10:17

car-hit-pole ( Read more... )

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rachelcakes July 10 2003, 10:49:14 UTC
i reached for the keys. something was wrong. i read it over aloud: "hit her in the back of the head with my fist like she just insulted my mother at the 2nd street pub on a saturday night around 1 am. She dropped like I'd cut the strings on one of those stupid puppets that you see at fairs and shit"...hmmm
yes there it was. I had been proof reading papers since the 4th grade and was known to write essays for cash. i looked up and yelled to him in the next room. "you use like one too many."

he wasn't listening but i kept reading, ofcourse because the fact of the matter was, he's fucking good at what he does.

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Ted Danson in Getting Even With Dad. foreignpetals July 18 2003, 20:36:05 UTC
WICHITA, KANSAS Mid 1970s:
Bob De Niro was on the set of Taxi Driver rehearsing his lines and Marty Sco was snorting lines off of Cybill Sheperd's stomach with Al Brooks jacking off in the corner. A young Jodie Foster (she must have been around 12 or 13), cast to play an eleven-year-old prostitute, kept giving me the eye like she wanted in on the coke I brought on set as a gift. She was and still is a little hardbody, but I had enough class not to give it to her at that age.

Neil Garriscond and I were still close around the time Jodie yelled Rape from the second story of the set built for the final crane sequence. We all thought it was funny. Marty Sco was on so much blow he started drawing tiny story boards of fat Garriscond rearranging Jodie's pre-teen organs. I got even more of a laugh when I started impersonating Scorcese and talking about shooting Jodie in the pussy with a .44 magnum pistol. Marty laughed for so long he decided to write my ad-lib monologue into the script ( ... )

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Ted Danson in Jerry and Tom. unburiable July 18 2003, 20:45:11 UTC
First thing in the morning I got a call from Ally Sheedy's assistant Gabriel asking where the fuck Ally was. That man's voice is rather whiny, in a very singular manner that I can hardly place my finger on but for the middle finger I raise blandly while quesioning it's purtorted relevance to me. He's built like a conjugal dragon, this guy, and he's not all that whiny in person, but son of a bitch if he doesn't sound like a little girl when I put him on speakerphone. Before I could get a few dozen words out he'd already asked two questions alone about the Remedy Lounge and another about what sort of drinks I let Ally have. But you know, if I wanted to play babysitter to an already established patron of a very visited bar in a crucial section of the New York district proper, I'd have instead brought the Olsen Twins ( ... )

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Ted Danson in Pontiac Moon. foreignpetals July 18 2003, 21:08:12 UTC
HllywdBdss652: For fuck, Carly. I'm suffocating in this god damn office. Turn the temperature down some, will you? What time is it?
YorbasSec: The air's been out all morning, Louis. What do you want me to do? around 2:45.
HllywdBdss652: I've got a 4 o'clock with Francis Ford Copolla. I want it cold in here If it means swimming to the Arctic to fetch some fucking polar ice. Have you heard the new Cat Power record?
YorbasSec: I LOVE cat power :)
HllywdBdss652: Get me two tickets to the show at Emo's tonight, ok? I want to take this hardbody I met at the gym this morning. It was freezing in the gym. Why is it so god damn hot in here, Carly?
YorbasSec: Here Louis. I sent you a cat power mp3. You'll love it.
YorbasSec: What do you think?
HllywdBdss652: Trash.
HllywdBdss652: 86 those tickets. Reserve a table for two at Estradi's.
YorbasSec: I really thought you'd like her. She's so cute. Done and done.
HllywdBdss652: Remind me to never ask your opinion again.
YorbasSec: Francis Ford Copolla is here to see you.

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Ted Danson in 3 Men and A Little Lady. unburiable July 18 2003, 21:21:03 UTC
Probably the most antagonizing thing about how and why the fuck Louis Yorba is still allowed in the room at important meetings, or why anyone would even hire him in the first place, is the bullshit that falls from his speak-before-you-think fat fucking mouth. In pre-production for a Matchbox 20 video that I almost didn't accept the invitation to attend but for that it was signed by Steve Albini and he's a good friend of mine whom I never let down. I get there with a pre-planned fifteen minutes to spare, preparing to get back into the limousine upon first glimpse of Rob Thomas, just in case he tried to start talking to me like he was somebody. What I wasn't ready for however, was Rob Thomas walking arm in arm with Louis Yorba, and hearing Yorba's booming voice barrel on about how good things were going to start getting once the video hit big ( ... )

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Ted Danson in Made in America. foreignpetals July 18 2003, 21:43:06 UTC
If I got a blowjob from rachelcakes' every time a crippled jerk off from a talentless band handed me a tape with a smile and said "Steve Albini produced one of these tracks," I would take her to Estradi's to sit back and watch the show as Garriscond drops pills into his fat date for the evening's drinks.

Steve Albini
A. If you have a few extra dollars and can give fast handjobs, he'll produce your record.
B. Records you on a fucking answering machine and describes it as art.

I wouldn't pitch a Steve Albini record with one of rachelcakes' lame poetic cries for help.

I'm willing to bet that she, along side Robert Redford's ugly niece, is a great lay.

LY.

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Re: Ted Danson in Made in America. rachelcakes July 19 2003, 04:08:24 UTC
seriously wtf. i don't know why my post got to a couple people but i didn't mean to offend anyone... i think jeremy's writing is very impressive, and its the reason i tried to talk to him initially. i'm really sorry if what i wrote was taken the wrong way. i didn't mean for it to be some immature desperate slander on a stupid couple of sentences.

if it's at all possible, could someone tell me without making fun of me, what was wrong with my post?

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Your pretty eyes. miss_ladybug January 3 2004, 22:54:00 UTC
Buy a clue and get it you son of a bitch.

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Ted Danson in Saving Private Ryan. unburiable July 18 2003, 21:54:51 UTC
Some actress wearing a typically short dress saunters into the room as if she's waiting for the walls to melt. I'm pretty sure she's a dead link, but Neil Jordan called me last night to remind me for the third time how pressing it is that I meet her. It's a good thing he only wanted her for a non-speaking performance, too, because as Neil is one of this town's best directors, who could probably even get Corey Haim to come off sympathetic and believable, it still isn't a safe bet to put it in writing that this girls gets to say a goddamned word, because I am willing to put a substantial part of my estate down on the betting table that if she opens her mouth even once, the film ends and people walk out and Neil's film career gets something he doesn't deserve, which is weak praise ( ... )

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