Walking on glass barefoot > walking in heels
There will never be a day where I will proclaim, "I love wearing heels!" Never. My hobbit feet are not meant to be crammed and stuffed into constricting shoes that are elevated off of the ground so that most of your body weight rests on the balls of your feet. How did this happen, people?!? More importantly, why do "office attire required" parties exist?! Do you want to know what I look like when I try to walk in heels? This is what I look like when I try to walk in heels:
That probably didn't look so bad to the casual observer but if you play it again and watch closely, this lady is not workin' it like you're supposed to. I look like this but more ethnic and meaty. And my heels are like HALF as tall and TWICE as thick as hers. HOT MESS ALERT HOT MESS ALERT. Top it off w/today's rain and I am a teetering mess.
And how did I forget how LOUD heels are?! It's ridiculous; I have never made so much noise in my life. CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP interspersed w/the occasional sound of corduroys being rubbed b/w my thighs. I'm like a one woman band here.
And lastly, heels make me walk so painfully slow. It took me twice the amount of time to get to CVS to buy some heel liners than it normally would have. That's right, I had to spend $5.39 on some heel liners b/c my shoes are slipping around due to the trouser socks that I'm wearing (that I had to buy last night for this occasion, so that was another $6.00).
Anyway, thank your lucky stars if you happen to be a man who doesn't moonlight as a drag queen. I thought these shoes would be OK since the heels were low-ish and rather sturdy looking but ALAS, they are just another pair of torture chambers in disguise. I should have brought back up flats to work. Oh, HINDSIGHT.
The party is about 6 blocks away from here and I don't care, I am taking the T, damn it. These satanists made it worse by having limited seating at the party so that we would be forced to "mingle." I swear, I'm downing as many pigs in a blanket as I can in an hour timespan and then I am fleeing that joint and donning my red Adidas Rekords back home.
Click to viewThat probably didn't look so bad to the casual observer but if you play it again and watch closely, this lady is not workin' it like you're supposed to. I look like this but more ethnic and meaty. And my heels are like HALF as tall and TWICE as thick as hers. HOT MESS ALERT HOT MESS ALERT. Top it off w/today's rain and I am a teetering mess.
And how did I forget how LOUD heels are?! It's ridiculous; I have never made so much noise in my life. CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP interspersed w/the occasional sound of corduroys being rubbed b/w my thighs. I'm like a one woman band here.
And lastly, heels make me walk so painfully slow. It took me twice the amount of time to get to CVS to buy some heel liners than it normally would have. That's right, I had to spend $5.39 on some heel liners b/c my shoes are slipping around due to the trouser socks that I'm wearing (that I had to buy last night for this occasion, so that was another $6.00).
Anyway, thank your lucky stars if you happen to be a man who doesn't moonlight as a drag queen. I thought these shoes would be OK since the heels were low-ish and rather sturdy looking but ALAS, they are just another pair of torture chambers in disguise. I should have brought back up flats to work. Oh, HINDSIGHT.
The party is about 6 blocks away from here and I don't care, I am taking the T, damn it. These satanists made it worse by having limited seating at the party so that we would be forced to "mingle." I swear, I'm downing as many pigs in a blanket as I can in an hour timespan and then I am fleeing that joint and donning my red Adidas Rekords back home.