(no subject)
i want to scream......and i want to cry......and i want so much for you to understand both.....and i want someone to just hold me.....because thats the mood im in.....i want to be held and told that everything is fine and that im only feeling this way because its that time of the month (even though secretly i know that its not just because of that).........and i want to go away....and i want to be missed.....and i want you to understand why certain things are important to me......and i want you to understand why certain things upset me and i want you to care enough to actually care......and not just say it to shut me the hell up......i want you to mean it like you use too.....you at least make me believe it like i use too.....
and next weeks my birthday and its going to suck....and i know its going to suck and i dont want it to.....but its that feeling i have in the pit of my stomach....like "kid dont expect greatness because its gonna be a shitty one" and it just ahhhh........
i want to scream.....and hit something......and just cry.......and i want to be understood and i want you to get it and i want you to know......and i want you not to be a jerk and tell me that im getting upset over nothing.....because these NOTHINGS are SOMETHING to me......not that it matters very much in the big vast universe.....but to me it does....in my life....in my world....in my tiny but still very much there universe......
i want next week to be a good week.....i want my birthday to be a good one......i want the concert not to suck entirely and i want to have fun despite the people who are going.....i want to find a job.....i want to have a purpose.....and i want to ...i dont know ....i want a lot of things in life......who doesnt?
i want to hang out with my friends....i want to go on adventures......i want to do something besides sit at home and stare at four walls and a computer screen.......i want FUN and summer....and laughs and inside jokes and times that i wouldnt trade for the life of me.......and i want things to be fun again.....with you........and i want to see lena.....oh and shannon...actually i want to visit shannon at her house in the middle of nowhere nad have a fire in the back yard while her dad tells some scary stories........i want to go to the drive in movie......and i want to...do alot of things that i dont think are gonna happen.....
but i want things to be fun and with not so much yelling and frustration and without people being jerks because they can be.....because life wasnt always like that yea kno......
but most of all i want someone to be there.....because i can count on them......because they want to be....and because they really do care......
heres to summer 2009