Breakfast With a Side of Hopelessness

[lethechained]

Characters:  Naminé (lethechained)
Setting: Floor 1, the cafeteria
Format: Starting this way, will match.
Summary: Naminé's been spending most of the event trying to fight the experiment effects, but it looks like it's a battle she's losing. (Attempting to fight transition to Stage 3.)
Warnings: Angst, hopelessness, lethargy. She's still got enough of a handle on

Comments

i never have either ): i'm not magically inclined

[prayerless]

Aqua frowned, lowering the blade to instead tug at the tubing on her collar; she wondered what the liquid inside was. She knew she couldn't take the collar off (she had tried that upon arrival), but could she cut the tubing? She'd never tried before. But then, that had never occurred to her before; a lot of things were occurring to her now that she'd never previously given a passing thought about.

She logged the idea away for later, focusing back on their conversation and the reason she'd gotten sidetracked in the first place: the talk of the tower. "It is dangerous," agreed Aqua, determined not to act on the thoughts that Naminé was saying these things to purposely dishearten or scare her. "But I'm being completely irrational about it. I don't trust anyone--"

That was a scary realization, to someone who put stock in the inherent goodness of people. She had to continue, however, to ensure that her point was made completely clear. "I have to keep reminding myself that I trust Ven, when I know that I trust Ven with my life. It's not normal." It wasn't about being safe, it was about being reasonable. Aqua was a reasonable, rational person; and now, suddenly, she wasn't. That was what alarmed her, more than the ever-present danger did.

:C

[lethechained]

She was having trouble trusting Ven, too? It was horrible, even though Naminé couldn't help thinking that that was justified, too, because she was all too well aware that there was such a thing as cloning, and such a thing as clones that were not aware that they were clones. But Naminé knew that Ven was the real Ven, or at least had been when they'd met for the first time in the tower (unless he was a very convincing fake); it was one of the exceedingly few times since she'd come to the tower that she'd ever seen fit to use any of her unusual abilities.

Naminé was not, in her present state, inclined to give the tower the benefit of the doubt. And yet... once again she felt a spark of that desire to help, to make someone feel better. It was cruel, it was wrong, it was foolish - there was no hope, so why should she dare suggest to someone that they should cling to what of their own invalid optimism they might still possess? But....

"...No, it's not normal." She shook her head ever so slightly. "But that's just it. As long as you believe that it's wrong to think something that you're thinking, you might still be able to control yourself." And that was just general advice, and hopefully general enough to satisfy her urge to help while still not awakening the fear of falsely encouraging someone.

and then people start hunting CR like they do Bigfoot

[prayerless]

She was glad for her upbringing. Master Eraqus raised her as a soldier, a valiant knight of the light. The most important thing that she had been taught was control. She had to control her Keyblade when she fought; she had to control her magic, lest it go wild and injure her or people close to her; she had to control herself, otherwise control over anything else was rendered useless. She had never really noticed before just how deeply ingrained it was, though. If not for her habits, she'd be accusing people and attacking things left and right.

Aqua's eyebrows knitted together in thought after a moment, gaze settled upon Naminé. "So do you think it's right to feel hopeless?" the young master eventually questioned. Unlike Naminé, Aqua had no qualms about encouraging a more optimistic view, aside from the preemptive inability to do so that came from mostly avoiding people on the whole.

^ Although I'm not sure how they're going to get and/or fake film, since it's invisible.

[lethechained]

Naminé knew from the look on Aqua's face that what she said next might be trouble. As it turned out, it could have been worse. Still, it was such a shameful thing to admit, even if she did believe it (or at least part of her believed it). For so long, she'd tried to remember to keep a brave face for other people, and although she'd had her failures, none were so thorough as this. But... that feeling was unrelenting, and truthfully, there was no logical chance for them to escape. Not with control so complete in the hands of their captors.

"...Yes." Although her discomfort with saying so was obvious. "I just... don't see a way out. Not when they can make us do things against our will." Her hands clenched, her eyes even sadder than before. It was so much harder to so much as believe that there was somewhere else to go, now, even though she had yet to find the proof she'd decided to wait for.

...hm. something that detects invisible things?

[prayerless]

Aqua looked to the neglected food again. "Then you're not controlling yourself," she said simply, with a note of somberness behind it. "If it's really because you're in Group D, then whoever is in charge of this is who is in control of you." It seemed like such an obvious follow-up, considering their previous thread of conversation, but Naminé needed to hear it. Even being aware that she was being controlled would restore some power to her.

Something in Aqua kept niggling at her about the possibility that Naminé was just trying to decrease her morale, but she ignored it thoroughly. Even if that far-fetched idea was the case, then by being optimistic, she could at least show that the plan wasn't working and she was nowhere close to breaking. "You don't have to make yourself feel differently," the acrobatic woman went on. "Just keep reminding yourself that it's not anything you're doing. All of it is the tower. The people in charge."

It was the best advice Aqua could give for the time being. All she had to offer was drawn from her own experience, but she hoped that Naminé would take it to heart.

Heat vision, I guess? Not that CR necessarily has a heat signature or whatever it's called.

[lethechained]

Naminé turned her eyes downward to regard the floor. Not controlling herself.... She readily admitted that that might be the case. And yet-- it seemed to make so much sense. What could possibly set them free? An outside force, perhaps, but it seemed so hard to believe that there was one that could do something in such a situation. Even if these thoughts were someone else's doing, they weren't necessarily wrong.

At the same time, though, it wasn't necessarily right just because she could think of no reason why it might not be. Once again that encroaching hopelessness threatened to shake her loose of the thought, but she clung to it because what had she ever had to cling to if not hope, in what little portion was afforded to her? After all, had she not been rescued from her first captivity? Hadn't she been beyond hope then, too? And yet she'd been proven wrong. She struggled to hold on to those thoughts in the face of the evidence that this time, the people in control were so much more powerful as to have left her no free will, even if only briefly.

She wasn't ready to write all of it off as the tower's doing, but the thought was almost comforting. "...Thank you, Aqua." For trying, at least, even though the extent of her success may have been limited. "I... appreciate the advice."

...echolocation maybe?

[prayerless]

Maybe the advice wouldn't work for Naminé -- after all, just because Aqua had the self-awareness required for the actions suggested didn't mean Naminé did. Or, even if she did, that these actions would yield the right result. Not everyone thought the same way, and that was especially true now that they were part of this mysterious experiment.

Regardless, Aqua smiled a little at the younger girl. "You don't have to thank me if it didn't help," she assured. She didn't really even need thanks if it did help, either, but that wasn't the point. "But I think it's worth thinking about." Not saying much for her, personally (everything was apparently worth thinking about to her right now), but the sentiment was no less truthful just because of her paranoia.

She shifted Master Keeper (noting that maybe she should go to the workshop floor to build some kind of harness for ease of transporting it) and moved until she was standing next to Naminé. "Do you want something else to eat? Good physical health can help mental health, too." It wasn't entirely reliant on that, but being depressed certainly wasn't helped by being in pain or feeling like you would keel over at any moment.

Could work, assuming it actually has a surface for stuff to bounce off of. :O

[lethechained]

Naminé recieved the smile with a shift in her own expression toward momentary surprise. Funny; this state of mind almost made her feel like she was back in Castle Oblivion, so such a kind gesture, even a small one, was rather startling and out of place. At first she thought she should smile back, but then that thought was ambushed by the thought that what did it matter, anyway? But then that thought was shoved aside because even though they might never get out of there, kindness was still worthwhile. It might help, a little, even if it wouldn't make a real difference. So, with an effort, she smiled back. "I meant it. It's very kind of you to try to help."

This time Naminé did not tense when Aqua stepped closer, although she did straighten up slightly. If Aqua was going to exact some kind of punishment, wouldn't it have happened already? Why waste time talking to her first? At the question, Naminé glanced down at her still-half-full plate, then back up. "I... should probably finish what I started. You're right, I-- should eat." It was what had gotten her out of bed in the first place that morning, even if it HAD taken a long time and some serious hunger pangs to convince her. No use starving to death, anyway, as long as she could still avoid that particular end. Come to think of it, "What about you?"

oh dear god sorry for the late reply

[prayerless]

Naminé smiling fed Aqua's empathetic tendencies enough to sustain her own smile as she spoke. "I don't know what kind of Master I would be if I wasn't helpful." Xehanort, probably, but she was absolutely not going to bring up that topic. She'd probably end up fit to burst with all kinds of deranged accusations if she started thinking too hard about that monster of a man.

Her gaze shifted towards the kitchen. She resisted the compulsion to take down notes on the appearance of the door. While her main motivation for coming here had been for investigation, it wouldn't hurt to eat while she was down here. Something could happen that would restrict access to the food supply at any moment, so who knew when she'd get another chance?

(She'd admonish herself later for worrying about something so implausible.)

"I think I will, too," replied the mage amiably. It was a good thing Aqua was in the habit of thinking before speaking and not the other way around, because the silent amendment of as long as the food isn't poisoned was definitely not something she wanted to touch on while trying to encourage someone else to feed themselves.

She ignored the thought and returned her attentions to Naminé to give a sisterly smile. "Do you want me to get anything else for you while I'm up?"

sjbgfjkgf it's okay ;;

[lethechained]

Naminé nearly told her that she was indeed a good Master, but her sense got the better of that thought, since, despite Aqua's obvious self-control, especially in comparison to the way Ven had acted, the blonde girl still didn't think it wise to start saying things that might make Aqua notice that Naminé knew some things she shouldn't have been able to. That was what had set Ven off, and she wasn't eager to try it to find out whether Aqua would react similarly. So, for the time being, Naminé bit her tongue, careful to keep her smile from fading too much at those thoughts.

It was easier when Aqua spoke again and Naminé could tilt her head a little and nod, comforted by the amiability in her tone. From the memories she'd seen, she'd come to think of Aqua a pleasant person, and honestly quite admirable. Despite the situation, it was nice to get to speak to her, and also quite nice to be smiled at. It was a small comfort, but it was still a comfort. Naminé was wary, of course, as the situation warranted, but it was better than it could have been. As for Aqua's question, Naminé paused to consider it, then shook her head. "No, that's okay." She was still hungry, yes, but she'd never been able to eat much. Her almost unhealthy weight was evidence enough of that. "But thank you." Even after having hardly eaten in a day, she wasn't sure she could handle much more once she'd finished what she already had.

/sob how could i let a tag sit for like ten days

[prayerless]

"Alright," Aqua conceded politely. "I'll be right back, then." She wasn't fond of the idea of being alone with her hyperactive thoughts for too long, so she'd spend her time only sparingly in the kitchen. She crossed the distance of the dining area, and as soon as she'd crossed the threshold to the kitchen, she found herself scrutinizing her surroundings.

It was so tempting to start taking notes on the littlest things (how was this place so immaculate?), but Aqua didn't intend to keep Naminé waiting.

It took some time to find foods that she was satisfied wouldn't harm her and thoroughly wash the utensils she'd plucked from the drawers, but she eventually emerged with a plate of carefully-sliced fruit and a glass of water. (The water was easiest to check for impurities.) Master Keeper was hung around her wrist by the guard, since both hands were occupied. Not the most comfortable way to carry it, but she didn't dare leave it behind.

She smiled down at Naminé as she approached the other girl's table. "Mind if I sit down?" queried the woman with a light chuckle.

i-it happens ;A;

[lethechained]

Naminé watched her go, then turned back to her own food. Regarding it once more, she found that it was definitely more appealing than before. Funny, how much a little bit of company helped. Even if it helped because it made her ashamed to have allowed herself to get so down, it still helped. Did it really matter what the reason was? There was more to it than that, anyway. In all this mess it was so easy to forget that she wasn't still trapped somewhere surrounded by people who saw fit to make her life more unpleasant and otherwise alone. Even if everyone would be trapped here forever, to be poked and prodded and mistreated for the rest of their lives... if nothing else, they had each other, and that was something she'd never been able to say before.

What more could she have asked for? It was what she'd craved so deeply for so, so long. She had no heart with which to truly enjoy it, and she'd never be able to travel to the worlds she'd wanted to see, she was no longer alone. They weren't the people she'd thought of, but that was only because she'd never met them before. Perhaps it was selfish, to tell herself that she really should be satisfied, because surely the others were not so easy to please, and if they weren't happy here, she would always feel bad about it. (Insofar as she was capable.)

In her distraction she'd barely managed to start picking at her food by the time Aqua returned. It was just as well; she wasn't quite certain about the etiquette involved when eating around someone else, more specifically whether or not she was supposed to wait for Aqua. She raised her head when questioned, saw the smile, and smiled back. "No, not at all." If that was a joke it was at first lost on her, but the chuckle made her think of the possibility, only a bit too late.

b-but i don't like tagging slowly

[prayerless]

The question wasn't so much a joke as something in good humor -- after all, if Naminé had kept her company this long, the seat was basically a formality. But it didn't hurt to laugh when you were trying to stay positive. "Thank you."

She set the food and water down on the table by Naminé's place once given permission. Master Keeper was then slid off of her wrist and into her hand, laid on the area which was to be at her opposite side from Naminé once Aqua sat down. After her hands were freed, she slid into the seat next to Naminé with a smile.

"If you don't mind me asking, what are your hobbies?" she started conversationally. "We didn't meet under the best circumstances, so maybe it would be nice to get to know each other better."

:C th-this is a good thing

[lethechained]

Uncertain whether she was supposed to say 'you're welcome', Naminé hesitated, then decided it was probably better to say it, so there was a slightly late, "You're welcome...!" Not that the girl had done anything worth being thanked over, but she supposed it was probably a matter of politeness.

It was perhaps to Aqua's credit that Naminé did not feel the need to watch the Keyblade very closely even when it was moving, because after all of that and what she knew of Aqua, it was hard for her to imagine that Aqua might have some alterior motive for speaking to her for so long, whether Naminé was unused to the level of kindness or not. The question was obviously not something she was expecting, and it showed. That last bit was rather bittersweet because it reminded her of what had happened to Roxas at the same time that it told her that someone thought it would be nice to get to know her. In the end her mouth settled into a smile that could have been bigger, but was still decidedly there. "Maybe...!" Definitely, more like, but maybe not as much for Aqua as for her. "Um-- I... like to draw." That was the answer she usually armed herself with for that question, since, really, it was the only thing that she had managed to convince herself to own as something she 'liked', as much as she was capable of liking anything.

[prayerless]

If Aqua noticed Naminé's flub with her manners, she didn't comment. It wasn't her place to judge the girl's etiquette, and besides, she didn't know what kind of circumstances Naminé may have come from. It was enough that she was trying.

The older woman listened with interest, her body turned slightly towards Naminé and one arm resting on the table in front of her plate. She didn't expect such a brief answer. In fact, she was quiet for a few seconds afterwards, expecting an addendum or two. But when none came, she gave a small smile. "Really? Was your sketchbook in your trunk?" She didn't want to make Naminé feel self-conscious about her interests (or potential lack of them), so she latched onto the one thread she was given. For some reason, it didn't really surprise her that Naminé would have a hobby like that. Introverts (Naminé certainly seemed to be one) lent themselves well to artistic pursuits.

[lethechained]

The pause was not lost on Naminé, but her attempts to think of something else with which to fill the void were in vain - or at least, she didn't manage to think of anything before Aqua continued and freed her from the conundrum. Still, the question burned in the back of her mind. Perhaps only being prepared with an answer so small wasn't enough. Another hobby, her yet-beset mind was quick to remind her, would be pointless... and yet, wouldn't it also make things a little more bearable?

"Yes. They... gave me a lot to work with." A distraction, perhaps, or maybe it was just that those items made up the bulk of her worldly possessions, if anything really could be counted as belonging to her. "There was more than one, and a lot of paper, and crayons, and pencils, and other things."