Breakfast With a Side of Hopelessness

[lethechained]

Characters:  Naminé (lethechained)
Setting: Floor 1, the cafeteria
Format: Starting this way, will match.
Summary: Naminé's been spending most of the event trying to fight the experiment effects, but it looks like it's a battle she's losing. (Attempting to fight transition to Stage 3.)
Warnings: Angst, hopelessness, lethargy. She's still got enough of a handle on

Comments

I WANTED TO RESPOND TO HER OPEN POST but Namine is kind of um. Not in a wandering state. :C

[lethechained]

Naminé did not look up when she first heard someone else coming; they probably weren't looking for her, anyway, (not that they should have been), and... to be honest, she was ashamed. She was ashamed to look this way, to fail to stop herself from being so hopeless when she knew it would make other people feel worse, too, even if by all rights they should be. But when she heard her name, her low lidded eyes widened ever so slightly. Nothing she said would be able to help, but-- she was being addressed, and she had no intention of leaving anyone in the cold, even if it didn't really mean anything.

It was with an effort that she raised her head slightly and turned to see who had called her, even though she was pretty sure that voice was the one she thought it was. She was correct, but this was a bittersweet knowledge, especially once she caught side of the Keyblade in Aqua's hand. Her blood suddenly ran cold, and instantly she thought of the incident with Ven. Surely by now he would have spoken to Aqua about it. Still... it made no difference. Whatever came next, Naminé probably deserved it. She took just a moment to attempt to straighten herself further (although she still ended up slightly bowed, because really, what was the point?) before saying, "Hello, Aqua."

The blonde girl's frown was obvious, her eyes more noticably forlorn than she would usually dare allow them to be. Caught between her warring thoughts that hiding her despair was a waste of time and that it was selfish of her not to hide it, she found it difficult to make much of an effort to.

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, group D lethargy is the reason i haven't tagged with England either

[prayerless]

Aqua waited for Naminé to gather herself (as Aqua had no doubts that the blonde girl was afflicted by the tower, as well), but when it seemed that Naminé was as gathered as she was going to get, Aqua put on a concerned expression. She looked...very upset-- the kind of upset that someone who was coping with a great loss would have, something similar to that. Sort of...hopeless-seeming, in that way.

Maybe...maybe Roxas hadn't come back? Aqua gathered that the two were close, from how she had reacted to his death. But if that was the case, then Ven should have been upset too, and he wasn't, the last time Aqua had seen him. At least not in the same way Naminé seemed to be.

She lowered Master Keeper a little, but did not dismiss it (not that she could have; her magical link with it was null) and took a few steps towards Naminé, trying to seem as nonthreatening as she could with a weapon in her hand. "What's wrong?" queried the mage worriedly as she slipped the writing utensils into her sash for the time being. Her eyes flickered very briefly to the meal on the plate near Naminé; she noticed that most of it had been left alone. Aqua made no remark on the matter, but mentally tacked it on to the list of reasons she had for thinking something was bothering the other girl.

PHEW good. ;A; I keep feeling like I should be doing more but fdgjdbgjbkdf dat lethargy.

[lethechained]

What was wrong? For a moment, Naminé was taken aback. Had she been wrong to assume that Ven had told Aqua about what had transpired? Surely Aqua would not have seemed concerned about her if she believed Naminé was a traitor. Despite this, the girl couldn't help glancing at the Keyblade briefly before looking back at the older woman - the weapon was still there, after all.

What was wrong.... Everything, maybe? But perhaps it was better to start at the beginning. "...It's the experiments." She would just have to hope (hah, as if) that Aqua would not come to the same conclusion Ven did. Or, rather, maybe Naminé should have hoped just the opposite; that way, no matter what happened, it would be easier on Aqua. One less person to worry about. "I'm in group D." That wasn't an explanation, really, but more of a preface.

i know, i feel the same ;n; sob what is CR

[prayerless]

The experiments. That was the second time now that Aqua was hearing about them. Ven had known something, and now Naminé was saying she did, as well. Were they trying to keep something from her? Maybe that was how Ven had made this new friend of his; maybe they were both--

No. Stop it. Aqua didn't know Naminé very well, but Ven would never turn his back on her.

...not willingly, at least. But maybe...maybe he had been brainwashed. Maybe Naminé had brainwashed him. Maybe the tower had brainwashed the both of them, and that was why...

She stopped and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath; it wouldn't do wonders for hiding her mania from Naminé, as it seemed very out of the blue to anyone not in the know on her thought process, but she needed to calm herself before she said anything rash. Just because she was thinking something didn't mean she had to say it. Especially considering she was thinking a lot, and that would have required a lot of saying to go with it. Instead of the many wild theories she had come up with in under three seconds, she said, "You're part of it too?"

Of course, Naminé could have been lying, and was just saying she was in a group so that Aqua would have no reason to suspect her-- "I'm in Group B." Talking. Talking. Maybe if she just focused on talking, she would stop thinking so much.

That thing that doesn't really exist apparently--

[lethechained]

The pause was not missed by Naminé, but she had no outward reaction of her own. She wasn't a mind reader, only a memory reader, and though she could probably have found out what was on Aqua's mind by looking at her most recent memories, she did not. She didn't do things like that, at least not anymore. She'd spent so long using her powers because that was what she had to do, but now... now, she had decided it was for the best that she didn't, at least not until she had found the right way to use them. More and more, she'd realized that some things were better left unsaid, and in the end, going prying in someone's memories would probably only cause trouble.

"Yes." Group B... like Ven, although Naminé was not so sure bringing up that she knew that was a good idea. Ven's behavior had been justified, yes, but Naminé was still concerned. Just because it was justified didn't mean that it was something he was necessarily likely to do, and if it really was the experiment that caused him to be so upset, then the same issues might apply in Aqua's case. "I believe that it's... made me feel differently. I've never felt quite like this before," or, you know, felt, "...but the longer it's gone on, the more I've realized that it's true. This--... is hopeless."

oh, so is it like, some kind of mythological creature or something

[prayerless]

Aqua listened dutifully as Naminé spoke. Was the fact that Naminé was saying all this part of her plot? She was telling Aqua this stuff so that Aqua would know the experiment was working, and she was falling straight into the trap, and this was all part of some amusement gambit--

That got less and less likely the more she listened to herself think about it. (Were you even supposed to be able to listen to yourself think, really?) She frowned, lifting her Keyblade-- but not into an offensive position. She merely held it diagonally, lifting the teeth so that she could look at it thoughtfully. "I've felt differently too," she confessed. So maybe she was succumbing to some ploy for the sake of someone else's entertainment by admitting to it, but dear lord, if she tried to think up a plan to foil a plot that she wasn't even sure existed, she really would go crazy. Crazier? Yeah, that sounded more accurate.

"I don't feel hopeless, though." She narrowed her eyes at Master Keeper. "I've just been worrying a lot." Aqua hesitated after that, wondering if she should venture into exactly the extent of her "worrying"-- wondering if she even could verbalize the nuances that had arisen within her. Crazy people weren't supposed to be aware of the methods to their madness. "I've been suspecting everyone-- everything, and I've been really jumpy. It feels like I'll be attacked the second I let my guard down."

Maybe telling someone about it would make her more likely to be rational. Second-guessing herself wasn't always ending up as very constructive, so perhaps having another opinion would keep her a little more grounded.

yeah, sounds about right. I know I've never seen it /what

[lethechained]

Naminé almost flinched as the Keyblade was raised, but not quite. What Aqua mentioned made a few puzzle pieces click into place. Worrying a lot? And suspecting everyone-- that did sound like what Ven was doing. It had made sense at the time because of her own fears, but just as she'd begun to suspect afterwards, it did sound like there was a distinct possibility that it was because of their experiment group. "It could be different for you because we're in different groups."

But it was true; there was a lot to be suspicious of. Everything was dangerous, here, and at any moment they could be kidnapped (did it even count as kidnapping when they were already prisoners), or killed, or forced to do who-knew-what. Even though she was well aware that both their concerns were caused or at least fed by the experiments, they were still legitimate. It was only a matter of time. "But-- it's true. This place is dangerous." Not that keeping her guard up would do much, anyway. "I don't think that there is a way to stay safe." Unfortunately, Naminé was not in a position to help anyone become less paranoid.

i never have either ): i'm not magically inclined

[prayerless]

Aqua frowned, lowering the blade to instead tug at the tubing on her collar; she wondered what the liquid inside was. She knew she couldn't take the collar off (she had tried that upon arrival), but could she cut the tubing? She'd never tried before. But then, that had never occurred to her before; a lot of things were occurring to her now that she'd never previously given a passing thought about.

She logged the idea away for later, focusing back on their conversation and the reason she'd gotten sidetracked in the first place: the talk of the tower. "It is dangerous," agreed Aqua, determined not to act on the thoughts that Naminé was saying these things to purposely dishearten or scare her. "But I'm being completely irrational about it. I don't trust anyone--"

That was a scary realization, to someone who put stock in the inherent goodness of people. She had to continue, however, to ensure that her point was made completely clear. "I have to keep reminding myself that I trust Ven, when I know that I trust Ven with my life. It's not normal." It wasn't about being safe, it was about being reasonable. Aqua was a reasonable, rational person; and now, suddenly, she wasn't. That was what alarmed her, more than the ever-present danger did.

:C

[lethechained]

She was having trouble trusting Ven, too? It was horrible, even though Naminé couldn't help thinking that that was justified, too, because she was all too well aware that there was such a thing as cloning, and such a thing as clones that were not aware that they were clones. But Naminé knew that Ven was the real Ven, or at least had been when they'd met for the first time in the tower (unless he was a very convincing fake); it was one of the exceedingly few times since she'd come to the tower that she'd ever seen fit to use any of her unusual abilities.

Naminé was not, in her present state, inclined to give the tower the benefit of the doubt. And yet... once again she felt a spark of that desire to help, to make someone feel better. It was cruel, it was wrong, it was foolish - there was no hope, so why should she dare suggest to someone that they should cling to what of their own invalid optimism they might still possess? But....

"...No, it's not normal." She shook her head ever so slightly. "But that's just it. As long as you believe that it's wrong to think something that you're thinking, you might still be able to control yourself." And that was just general advice, and hopefully general enough to satisfy her urge to help while still not awakening the fear of falsely encouraging someone.

and then people start hunting CR like they do Bigfoot

[prayerless]

She was glad for her upbringing. Master Eraqus raised her as a soldier, a valiant knight of the light. The most important thing that she had been taught was control. She had to control her Keyblade when she fought; she had to control her magic, lest it go wild and injure her or people close to her; she had to control herself, otherwise control over anything else was rendered useless. She had never really noticed before just how deeply ingrained it was, though. If not for her habits, she'd be accusing people and attacking things left and right.

Aqua's eyebrows knitted together in thought after a moment, gaze settled upon Naminé. "So do you think it's right to feel hopeless?" the young master eventually questioned. Unlike Naminé, Aqua had no qualms about encouraging a more optimistic view, aside from the preemptive inability to do so that came from mostly avoiding people on the whole.

^ Although I'm not sure how they're going to get and/or fake film, since it's invisible.

[lethechained]

Naminé knew from the look on Aqua's face that what she said next might be trouble. As it turned out, it could have been worse. Still, it was such a shameful thing to admit, even if she did believe it (or at least part of her believed it). For so long, she'd tried to remember to keep a brave face for other people, and although she'd had her failures, none were so thorough as this. But... that feeling was unrelenting, and truthfully, there was no logical chance for them to escape. Not with control so complete in the hands of their captors.

"...Yes." Although her discomfort with saying so was obvious. "I just... don't see a way out. Not when they can make us do things against our will." Her hands clenched, her eyes even sadder than before. It was so much harder to so much as believe that there was somewhere else to go, now, even though she had yet to find the proof she'd decided to wait for.

...hm. something that detects invisible things?

[prayerless]

Aqua looked to the neglected food again. "Then you're not controlling yourself," she said simply, with a note of somberness behind it. "If it's really because you're in Group D, then whoever is in charge of this is who is in control of you." It seemed like such an obvious follow-up, considering their previous thread of conversation, but Naminé needed to hear it. Even being aware that she was being controlled would restore some power to her.

Something in Aqua kept niggling at her about the possibility that Naminé was just trying to decrease her morale, but she ignored it thoroughly. Even if that far-fetched idea was the case, then by being optimistic, she could at least show that the plan wasn't working and she was nowhere close to breaking. "You don't have to make yourself feel differently," the acrobatic woman went on. "Just keep reminding yourself that it's not anything you're doing. All of it is the tower. The people in charge."

It was the best advice Aqua could give for the time being. All she had to offer was drawn from her own experience, but she hoped that Naminé would take it to heart.

Heat vision, I guess? Not that CR necessarily has a heat signature or whatever it's called.

[lethechained]

Naminé turned her eyes downward to regard the floor. Not controlling herself.... She readily admitted that that might be the case. And yet-- it seemed to make so much sense. What could possibly set them free? An outside force, perhaps, but it seemed so hard to believe that there was one that could do something in such a situation. Even if these thoughts were someone else's doing, they weren't necessarily wrong.

At the same time, though, it wasn't necessarily right just because she could think of no reason why it might not be. Once again that encroaching hopelessness threatened to shake her loose of the thought, but she clung to it because what had she ever had to cling to if not hope, in what little portion was afforded to her? After all, had she not been rescued from her first captivity? Hadn't she been beyond hope then, too? And yet she'd been proven wrong. She struggled to hold on to those thoughts in the face of the evidence that this time, the people in control were so much more powerful as to have left her no free will, even if only briefly.

She wasn't ready to write all of it off as the tower's doing, but the thought was almost comforting. "...Thank you, Aqua." For trying, at least, even though the extent of her success may have been limited. "I... appreciate the advice."

...echolocation maybe?

[prayerless]

Maybe the advice wouldn't work for Naminé -- after all, just because Aqua had the self-awareness required for the actions suggested didn't mean Naminé did. Or, even if she did, that these actions would yield the right result. Not everyone thought the same way, and that was especially true now that they were part of this mysterious experiment.

Regardless, Aqua smiled a little at the younger girl. "You don't have to thank me if it didn't help," she assured. She didn't really even need thanks if it did help, either, but that wasn't the point. "But I think it's worth thinking about." Not saying much for her, personally (everything was apparently worth thinking about to her right now), but the sentiment was no less truthful just because of her paranoia.

She shifted Master Keeper (noting that maybe she should go to the workshop floor to build some kind of harness for ease of transporting it) and moved until she was standing next to Naminé. "Do you want something else to eat? Good physical health can help mental health, too." It wasn't entirely reliant on that, but being depressed certainly wasn't helped by being in pain or feeling like you would keel over at any moment.

Could work, assuming it actually has a surface for stuff to bounce off of. :O

[lethechained]

Naminé recieved the smile with a shift in her own expression toward momentary surprise. Funny; this state of mind almost made her feel like she was back in Castle Oblivion, so such a kind gesture, even a small one, was rather startling and out of place. At first she thought she should smile back, but then that thought was ambushed by the thought that what did it matter, anyway? But then that thought was shoved aside because even though they might never get out of there, kindness was still worthwhile. It might help, a little, even if it wouldn't make a real difference. So, with an effort, she smiled back. "I meant it. It's very kind of you to try to help."

This time Naminé did not tense when Aqua stepped closer, although she did straighten up slightly. If Aqua was going to exact some kind of punishment, wouldn't it have happened already? Why waste time talking to her first? At the question, Naminé glanced down at her still-half-full plate, then back up. "I... should probably finish what I started. You're right, I-- should eat." It was what had gotten her out of bed in the first place that morning, even if it HAD taken a long time and some serious hunger pangs to convince her. No use starving to death, anyway, as long as she could still avoid that particular end. Come to think of it, "What about you?"

oh dear god sorry for the late reply

[prayerless]

Naminé smiling fed Aqua's empathetic tendencies enough to sustain her own smile as she spoke. "I don't know what kind of Master I would be if I wasn't helpful." Xehanort, probably, but she was absolutely not going to bring up that topic. She'd probably end up fit to burst with all kinds of deranged accusations if she started thinking too hard about that monster of a man.

Her gaze shifted towards the kitchen. She resisted the compulsion to take down notes on the appearance of the door. While her main motivation for coming here had been for investigation, it wouldn't hurt to eat while she was down here. Something could happen that would restrict access to the food supply at any moment, so who knew when she'd get another chance?

(She'd admonish herself later for worrying about something so implausible.)

"I think I will, too," replied the mage amiably. It was a good thing Aqua was in the habit of thinking before speaking and not the other way around, because the silent amendment of as long as the food isn't poisoned was definitely not something she wanted to touch on while trying to encourage someone else to feed themselves.

She ignored the thought and returned her attentions to Naminé to give a sisterly smile. "Do you want me to get anything else for you while I'm up?"